Working for a living is, like, hard. Since May, I have gone from working "part time" on one project, to full time on two projects, to now having three projects, and a large forth one starting in the new year. My background is coming in handy, I'm being consulted for the bog decisions on all projects, and I'm taking on the biggest jobs for our most important client.
It's all making my head spin.
Last winter, I had almost no self-esteem, and assumed none of my clients missed me. Now, it turns out there were people in the industry just wondering when I would be back, assuming it would be in another consulting capacity. Turns out I had carved out much more of a name that I thought. And this company seems very pleased that they were the ones to find me - a chance meeting with an old client in a store.
So, early days, some long nights, some hands-on building, dozens of calls per day, texting like the wind, all to fix some buildings across the GTA that have fallen into disrepair.
I'm enjoying the work, I really enjoy the people, I'm learning a lot about the side of the industry I didn't know as well, and I'm being paid better than before, which is good, having been unemployed for 3 years. Instead of wallowing, my brain is engaged on the latest problems across the company.
But then at this time of year, it's hard. He'd have loved to see me at work. I occasionally get to run machines. He'd be in my lap - illegally. He'd have loved this more than anything.
By now, it's all very tiring. I need one more push to get my own project and another to important milestones before Christmas. Then I can relax for a bit, before new projects come calling. Just can't go down into that pit of despair again. Zach is awesome, but he's not Carter, and I'd never ask him to be. He'll carve out his own name and personality. And if we still had Carter, we wouldn't have met Zach. It's all so very confusing and difficult to come to terms with.
