Someone suggested a joke thread............................

[Redbaron]

Had a strange day today.
First I found a hat full of money on the street corner.
Then I was chased by an angry guitar player....

 

[Luce NDs]

Had a strange day today.
First I found a hat full of money on the street corner.
Then I was chased by an angry guitar player....

Did that pluck some memory strings?

 

[Redbaron]

I recently went to an archaeologists' party, where they were looking for a lower leg.



It was quite a shindig.

 

[ninj]

Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little Anty bodies.

 

[Mendalla]

Captain Kirk caught Mr. Spock sneaking towards the ladies room on the Enterprise.

"Spock," he said in his usual dramatic voice, "What ... are ... you doing?"

"It's quite logical, Jim," the Vulcan calmly replied, "Our show's mandate is to 'go where no man has gone before'."

(stolen and modified from an old Cracked Star Trek parody)

 

[Mendalla]

One of the best pwnings of a YEC I have seen in a while. The punchline is the first response below the original post.

 

[ninj]

If you don't like musical puns, you have my symphony.

 

[Mendalla]

Cool, and funny, piece from The New Yorker.

Make America Canada Again

In praise of our neighbor to the north.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Delightful Life]

How have sales of cymbals in Wuhan fared?



That market has crashed

#MutualAid
#BeNotAfraid
#SystemicWhimsey
#JoyPrivilege

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

This one has no punch line. It’s just a thought that popped into my head that I found funny looking ahead to whenever the next family dinner is - might be Christmas.

What would happen if one day you just started regularly talking about 2 levels louder for no reason? Maybe i’ll just do that. Something to try. See what happens. Kind of like shouting but not, same tone, regular conversation, just louder? (Some people can pass that off for confidence, I’ve noticed.)

 

[ninj]

Captain Kirk caught Mr. Spock sneaking towards the ladies room on the Enterprise.

"Spock," he said in his usual dramatic voice, "What ... are ... you doing?"

"It's quite logical, Jim," the Vulcan calmly replied, "Our show's mandate is to 'go where no man has gone before'."

(stolen and modified from an old Cracked Star Trek parody)

I dunno...hard to tell from seeing xxxl birks with dress socks at the bottom of a stall. Happens.

 

[ninj]

What do you get when you divide the circumference by the diameter of a pumpkin?
Pumpkin pi.

 

[Redbaron]

From Facebook page this morning:

I used to work in a factory that made plastic figurines of Dracula.
There were only two of us on the production line.


I had to make every second Count.

 

[ninj]

My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly now.

 

[Redbaron]

From an email today:

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

 

[Luce NDs]

From an email today:

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

That's the definition of "booty"!

 

[BetteTheRed]

My daughter, who is less well-endowed (the inside joke is the "titless wonder") occasionally wears a padded bra to work. Her (very nice) boyfriend refers to this as "false advertising".

 

[Luce NDs]

My daughter, who is less well-endowed (the inside joke is the "titless wonder") occasionally wears a padded bra to work. Her (very nice) boyfriend refers to this as "false advertising".

Boob or blunder intended to distract? Distraction takes on many forms and formless Ness ...

A crevice may be needed to flood ... a' Dam ...

 

[Redbaron]

British humor.....

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time & decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to
share office space...

Dr.Smith was a *psychiatrist* & Dr.Jones
was a GI guy

They put up a sign reading
*Dr.Smith & Dr.Jones*
*Hysterias & Posteriors*

The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed
it to read
*Schizoids & Haemorrhoids*

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to
*Catatonics and High Colonics*
- no go.

Next, they tried...
*Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives*
- thumbs down again.

Then came..
*Minds and Behinds*
- still no good.

Another attempt resulted in...
*Lost Souls & Butt Holes*
-unacceptable again!

So they tried
*Analysis & Anal Cysts*
- not a chance

*Nuts and Butts*
- no way

*Freaks and Cheeks*
- still no good

*Loons and Moons*
- forget it!

Almost at their wits end, the docs finally came up with:
*Dr.Smith & Dr.Jones*
*Specializing in Odds & Ends.*

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1275479007673192448