Transgenderism ..... ask your questions!

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Another sexual orientation question - are there terms for people who are mostly attracted to people who are somewhere in the middle of the gender/sex spectrum?
 
ChemGal said:
or pansexual, or polysexual, other terms I'm probably not aware of, or something that there isn't a label for.
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IOW, @Pr. Jae , Chemgal is recognizing that sexual orientation and expression is no longer seen as binary gay vs. straight with bi somewhere in the middle (which it isn't, it's more off to one side, rather like agnosticism is off to one side rather than being directly between theism and atheism).
 
Thanks for your answers Rita. It sounds like your wife is as deeply in love with you as you are with her. It seems that things can become pretty complicated and I would think this would have ro be worked out on an individual basis per couple. I probably would have went the same route as your wife....(thinking I was less attractive. and needing ALOT of reassurances.
 
Ok ...... I will try and answer starting with Jae's questions...
(B) My wife does not accept me as a woman...
The divorce rate is over 90% because the spouse just cannot cope....

Ok .... getting up my courage here ... now for the other questions...

Have you had surgery?
No

Do your children still look to you as a father figure?
Yes

Did your wife ever consider leaving the marriage?
Yes ... several times .... still wonders sometimes.....
We deeply love each other and are in love with each other ... this is so hard

Is there a sexual component still in your marriage?
No I can't ..... its all wrong .... and she does not want to feel like she is being that kind of intimate with a woman.
There are other ways to express deep love and those are the ones we are focusing on.
Intimacy is a very difficult area for adjustment and there is so much to work on.
This is perhaps the deepest aspect of a relationship and I certainly have very few answers and far more questions.
This is scary territory.....

That was really difficult ..... and I do hope helpful and worthwhile....
Glass of wine tonight ..... I feel I have earned it...
 
ChemGal said:
Another sexual orientation question - are there terms for people who are mostly attracted to people who are somewhere in the middle of the gender/sex spectrum?
Click to expand...
Too many labels and categories ChemGal ..... too many.... too many boxes and drawers to put people in...
I too am confused and perplexed by the myriad of labels and such.....
Here is the best way .... the only label needed is a person's name .... and of course their partner's name...
That is quite sufficient .... and just label it what it is LOVE ......
I hope that helps ChemGal :)
 
RitaTG said:
Too many labels and categories ChemGal ..... too many.... too many boxes and drawers to put people in...
I too am confused and perplexed by the myriad of labels and such.....
Here is the best way .... the only label needed is a person's name .... and of course their partner's name...
That is quite sufficient .... and just label it what it is LOVE ......
I hope that helps ChemGal :)
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Makes sense :) Labels can be helpful at times though, so I was curious.
 
RitaTG said:
The best age to teach children is as early as possible.
Make it simple ..... that person is really a girl inside or a boy inside ..... actually it is that simple....
Here is a book I recommend and there are links to others:
http://www.amazon.com/My-Princess-Boy-Cheryl-Kilodavis/dp/1442429887
...and another I very much recommend....
http://www.amazon.ca/I-Am-Jazz-Jessica-Herthel/dp/0803741073
Children are much more adaptable to the whole concept .... we need to learn from them...
Click to expand...

I see that I am Jazz is available at my public library and I`m going to check Chapters for My Princess Boy. Thanks for sharing, Rita! I spend a lot of time with kids at work (indirectly) and at chuch and both places have a library that might benefit from these resources.
 
Take care Rita. Thank-you for your honesty and openness.

***************************************************
I remember years ago and I am not sure if it still lives but the "womyn-born-womyn" policies seemed challenging for me on two fronts.
1. I recognize that there may feel a need fto exclud efolks who are males who join an event and dress as women only to be able to be present; however, I also recognize that there are many women who may not have had surgery yet, or women who have had surgery and are put in awkward spot.

Have you encountered this policy of exclusion from feminists and/or lesbian communities?
Do you have any feedback or insight regarding it.
 
RitaTG said:
Ok ...... I will try and answer starting with Jae's questions...
(B) My wife does not accept me as a woman...
The divorce rate is over 90% because the spouse just cannot cope....

Ok .... getting up my courage here ... now for the other questions...

Have you had surgery?
No

Do your children still look to you as a father figure?
Yes

Did your wife ever consider leaving the marriage?
Yes ... several times .... still wonders sometimes.....
We deeply love each other and are in love with each other ... this is so hard

Is there a sexual component still in your marriage?
No I can't ..... its all wrong .... and she does not want to feel like she is being that kind of intimate with a woman.
There are other ways to express deep love and those are the ones we are focusing on.
Intimacy is a very difficult area for adjustment and there is so much to work on.
This is perhaps the deepest aspect of a relationship and I certainly have very few answers and far more questions.
This is scary territory.....

That was really difficult ..... and I do hope helpful and worthwhile....
Glass of wine tonight ..... I feel I have earned it...
Click to expand...


Rita, you are to be congratulated on many levels, but particularly your courage at answering these personal questions on your sex life and family dynamics. (Which is precisely the questions most of us are curious about!)

If society's attitude is to change on transgendered issues it can only be helped by brave souls such as yourself - who make it very clear of the difficulties faced by the transgendered community.

Lasting change, I believe, is brought about by engendering empathy and compassion - rather than legislation alone.
But, here's the thing, empathy relies on the type of information that you have bravely presented here.

Go on, be a devil possum, and have at least two glasses of wine - you surely deserve it!
 
Rita - congratulations on being able to politely, sincerely and honestly answered so many questions about your private and most intimate life.
'Dear Abby' type of columnists would advise you to answer sweetly 'Now why would you want to know something so intimate as that?'
But some of us are sincerely trying to understand and better relate to people whose lives are so very different from our previously-held worldview.
 
To all of you ..... sincerely .... thank you for your openness, gentleness, and love....
Thank you for your courage and for trusting me enough to dare to put forward your questions.... my heart is touched...
This is how the world changes ..... heart to heart ... one hug at a time ..... and there is more than one way to hug :)
More wine this weekend ...... I will be attending a family dinner with my mother, siblings and their families.
This week I have been on television and made the front page of a local newspaper ....... I am sure there will be comments.
Also ..... I am sure some of my siblings have heard by now that I attended the funeral for the husband of our first cousin as "me".
That is bound to draw comments. There are those that get very uncomfortable when the pink elephant in the room is not staying hidden. Please pray that I handle this with grace.
Wine ..... LOL ... for me ... truth serum .... the tongue loosens .... but never ever in a mean way.... its just that the male act that I put on for them slips and the inside me begins to show. There you go ..... another family dynamic ..... handling family events trying to present in a way that they are comfortable with. Lots to explore there....
Thank you for letting me share that ... my weekend will be a challenge.....
Hugs
Rita
 
Pinga said:
Take care Rita. Thank-you for your honesty and openness.

***************************************************
I remember years ago and I am not sure if it still lives but the "womyn-born-womyn" policies seemed challenging for me on two fronts.
1. I recognize that there may feel a need fto exclud efolks who are males who join an event and dress as women only to be able to be present; however, I also recognize that there are many women who may not have had surgery yet, or women who have had surgery and are put in awkward spot.

Have you encountered this policy of exclusion from feminists and/or lesbian communities?
Do you have any feedback or insight regarding it.
Click to expand...
A good question Pinga......
Yes ..... not woman enough ....... we (I) get that a lot.....
Lets be basic .... starts with the bathroom .... am I woman enough to be in there....
Thankfully the law has made that clear.... and it goes further......
I am to be treated "the same as" any other woman ...... no exceptions..... no matter whether I have had SRS or not....
A women's group cannot exclude nor limit me because I do not meet their criteria/ definition of what a woman is.
I am a woman .... and that is that.... mind you .... the reception I get will tend to be on the frosty side. That is an unfortunate cost of living the right I have been given.
But here is the thing :) ..... once I am in there ... there are hearts that can be changed! .... slowly ..... just being who I am and not reacting in kind .... many are won over and the world changes again:)
Now about this idea of a man putting on a dress so he can speak at a women's event ...... LOL ... now that is hilarious!!
Lets put it this way ..... my abandoning of the male gender was taken as sort of treason .... in a curious way other men's sense of manhood was somehow tied to me staying in the heard. My leaving somehow diminished or threatened their sense of manhood. I would love to hear a man explain that to me because I am at a loss to understand it.
 
RitaTG said:
I would love to hear a man explain that to me because I am at a loss to understand it.
Click to expand...


Society is changing very quickly in some ways (not quickly enough for some, I admit, but too quickly for comfort for others) and I think men are facing a lot of questions about the "role" (for lack of a better word) of men in society, in the family, etc., etc. Some find this evolution of gender roles very threatening, and men especially - having traditionally been breadwinners, authority figures, head of the family, etc., etc. - might have a tendency to be more threatened by anything or anyone who reminds them that their role and place in society is very much in flux. A man transitioning to a woman I would think would be very touchy for some men. Like - "Wow. If John could suddenly decide he's Jane" (not saying it was sudden for John/Jane, but that it felt that way for others) "what does that say about me? Am I who I think I am? How secure is my manhood?"

I grew up in a single family household. I was an only child, my mother was the provider. In some ways that changed my expectations of gender roles in ways that a lot of my contemporaries, who still grew up even in the 70's with dads who worked and brought home the bacon, and moms who stayed home and cooked it, didn't experience. And because of that I didn't always fit in with the guys. I'm very secure in both my manhood and my heterosexuality. And yet, over the years, I've often found it easier to relate to and be close to female friends than male friends. Probably because of that I was often called things like "faggot" when I was a kid and I was often subjected to bullying. I do think part of that was jealousy because I often had some very pretty girls as friends that I spent time with! (Maybe not "girlfriends," but close friends.) But I think a lot of men have still grown up with that very traditional family structure with very defined gender roles, and they feel easily threatened by anything that threatens to change those things.
 
Pr. Jae said:
:confused::confused::confused:
Click to expand...

Rita, I don't get it. You said that your wife doesn't accept you as being a woman, and you also said that your wife doesn't want to be intimate with you as that would mean she was being intimate with a woman. Huh??

As others have expressed, I do appreciate your taking the time to answer our questions, especially in the good natured way that you have been.
 
revdd ..... thank you for the insight ..... lots to chew on there .....
LOL .... I have the curious position of sometimes looking very much like a man .... expected to be a man .... and not having a clue about things like this.....
The blended life ..... comfort is not an option LOL
Again .... thank you ....
 
Pr. Jae said:
Rita, I don't get it. You said that your wife doesn't accept you as being a woman, and you also said that your wife doesn't want to be intimate with you as that would mean she was being intimate with a woman. Huh??

As others have expressed, I do appreciate your taking the time to answer our questions, especially in the good natured way that you have been.
Click to expand...
Jae ... yes indeed ... very hard to wrap one's head around.....
I shall try to explain further ......
My wife is very aware that inside I am Rita and that how I present to her and the rest of the family is merely for their sake and comfort. Even when dressed as a man .... she knows the heart.....
She may not be able to accept the full presentation of the true me but that in no way implies that she can pretend "Rita" does not exist. She knows I am crossdressed at home....she knows....
So ...in a sense ..... for her ... and remember .... intimate .... more than the body ...... who is she being intimate with????
There is the quandary ......
 
Rita, listening to your story, I have to share with you how much easier it is for a younger generation, who get to come to grips with this much earlier. My kids (and I) have a friend who is male to female transgendered, in her early twenties. She is now post-SRS. She's currently a graduate student at a western Canadian university, and I'm sure she will remain as active a voice for the trans community there as she was here in our conservative little city. Her mom works at the same community college as I do, she went to youth group with my daughter, her first girlfriend, who has always identified as pansexual, was my son's former gf. Her transition has been, relative to yours, very seamless and well-supported. She's young, and her first relationship has been entirely supportive, not traumatized at all, through her transition. She will get to live the rest of her life true to her inner self. She still faces barriers, but nothing like the generation before her.
 
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