Transgenderism ..... ask your questions!

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RitaTG,

what a wonderful experiment at agape this is

I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to be able to open yourself up like this to us Rita heathens, the rest of humanity who haven't been living with your thoughts, experiences, feelings, wants, disgusts, etc etc etc :) but can only see your surfaces and can only see what's 'beneath' thanks to you

Life does indeed delight in life
 
Thank you for this thread.... I always have thought that God as Creator, does just that. And we as a part of the created, are to respect all of creation. I cannot believe it is a choice to be whatever we are.... it is by birth alone we are what we are. If society sees us all as this, how can there be a difference in God's love for each? I believe there is not, but many have learned this it seems by osmosis mostly. Some is quite direct. Like colour, being poor, race... even being a woman, these are all learned behaviours from the past...and carried till today.

I admit that clearly the Bible has not helped in this matter of sexual discrimination, until Jesus treated everyone as would like to be treated himself. That might be simplifying it as all societies are definitely dysfunctional. I am happy that there are places, like Wonder Cafe2 to express and ask questions.

Many groups who felt they had to hide their true identity have come forward to protest and let us know they are in it, with us all. This is a time we are doing this. All I can say is... thank goodness we are opening up to the light of our varied and created selves.

My question is answered as I wrote.... how come I never knew about this before? One day of the week in high school we were allowed to move to music like creative dance. But it was called, 'fairy day'. I was never certain why, but the rumors were that girls liked girls. Well, that never bothered me because I had friends I really liked that were girls. It didn't occur to ask, nor was it encouraged, so it was many years later I found out what it meant. Our education was surely lacking here.

I also wonder if people think it's still not a choice? If it is not, then how come I didn't ask myself which I was? And I don't know of anyone in my growing up who made decision either way. We are born with the gift we are... and Christians should not think otherwise, except some have been taught this as we regulated our beliefs without regard to the way Jesus lived. It seems we are still doing that.

God is unconditional love.... for this one thing, I love about God's starting the whole matter of life....

Peace be to you....
 
I watched Grewolf's video posted upthread - referencing drag queens. I guess I'd thought of drag queens more as a subgroup of performers from the gay community ... or is this a variant of being transgender? So complex ...
 
Tough questions aren't they crazyheart? ... and ones I have laid awake many a night contemplating....
Emotionally drained? ..... yes ....... emotionally charged? ... yes that too ..... quite a roller coaster ... sometimes within a few hours...
Is it living a lie to share a bed with my wife ....... hmmmmm ...... I don't feel it is so....
You see ..... we love each other and are in love with each other. Is this hard to figure out? ..... oh my yes!
Are we being honest with each other as far as where each of us are in the journey of figuring this out? .... yes.....
So ... given that ..... love for each other ..... is this not the best time to share a bed and hold and reassure each other as we face this scary thing together???
Now as far as having to choose ... live as a man .... or ... live as a woman.....
That goes back to that gender binary once again ..... simply be this ... or that ..... one or the other ... no in between....
Gender identity and gender expression is far more complex than that .... complex ..... not an "or" at all....
I am trying my best to live a life that although far from ideal .... is a complex blend that reaches out to meet the needs of my loved ones and still meets my needs as much as possible as well.
I don't know how this will work out ...... there are no guideposts along the way ....
I love my family and for their sake .... try as much as I can to give them the "me" they rely on....
Now .... am I attracted to men ......
As I have said before .... gender identity and sexual orientation are not related and generally who you were sexually attracted to before remains who you are sexually attracted to afterwards.
All that said ... there are those that realize their sexual attractions do change.....
For me ... and many like me ...... at this stage I find that I am not sexually attracted to either sex.
Feels sort of like the eye of the hurricane .... a time of peace and clarity in the howling storm of emotions and change.
What will be later? ..... I don't know nor do I presuppose ... what will be will be ..... and I will deal with that if and when it comes.
Good deep honest questions ..... thank you....
Hugs
Rita
 
Carolla said:
I watched Grewolf's video posted upthread - referencing drag queens. I guess I'd thought of drag queens more as a subgroup of performers from the gay community ... or is this a variant of being transgender? So complex ...
Click to expand...
Drag queens ...... basically a job .... a performance ...... acting for a paycheque.....
These actors are quite comfortable in their biological gender when off stage...
Quite a myth that they are merely a subgroup of the gay community .... most are not gay at all .... it is not about sex....
Are they transgender? ..... Yes ..... also under that transgender umbrella ......there is a complex psychological underpinning to this.
When presenting as a woman..... should be treated as a woman.....
By the way .... LOL .... each subgroup barely understands the other so please relax and scratch your heads with the rest of us :)
 
There is a man in my community who dresses in women's clothing -- usually a skirt (not a kilt). I have noticed him shopping, banking, on the street. I think he's a professor at the university. He presents as masculine. He is married to a women. He simply seems to be comfortable in and enjoy wearing women's clothes. People who know him seem to accept him as he is. People seeing him for the first time do a double-take. Generally now I take no more notice of him than I would of a woman dressed in a shirt, trousers and hiking boots.
 
Thanks RitaTG for your clarification about drag queens. You've overturned another myth for me :-)
Still scratching our heads ... reassuring to have company in this.
 
Seeler said:
There is a man in my community who dresses in women's clothing -- usually a skirt (not a kilt). I have noticed him shopping, banking, on the street. I think he's a professor at the university. He presents as masculine. He is married to a women. He simply seems to be comfortable in and enjoy wearing women's clothes. People who know him seem to accept him as he is. People seeing him for the first time do a double-take. Generally now I take no more notice of him than I would of a woman dressed in a shirt, trousers and hiking boots.
Click to expand...
Excellent observation and outlook on this Seeler.....
This is a person who just chooses to wear what he wants......
Persons like this are not transgender ...... they still identify with their birth gender.
Just like some males that choose to dress like women on Halloween ....
Oh .... speaking of that ... the so called "transgender holiday" .... this is the one day a year that so many that are hidden get to go out in the big world and its ok.....
Keep that in mind next time you know someone doing that :) ..... this just may be a transgender person .... and this is the one day they can hide in plain sight. Please leave them in peace....
 
RitaTG

At a location where I travel through, there is a quite tall and strong/big person, someone who is unusally large / tall. Would stand out in any crowd.

A few years back this person started to appear more female in presentation, hair at first, clothing next, breasts next.
This person always attracted looks prior to presenting as female, and well, afterwards, it was even more so.

This last trip, I saw that the individual was back to presenting male at work.


I feel for the individual. It has to be hard enough when you have female characteristics or are small boned,but, when so significantly characteristic of male, well, it has to be all the harder. I am sure with workplace rules as part of a government agency, they were protected....but that doesn't mean that they were accepted.

We, in society as a whole, have the binary understandings of gender and presentation.

I have a deep voice, I have short hair. I have been referred to as "sir" by individuals who hear me and just catch a glance in a lineup. I might be able to present as male. and not attract a lot of attention, the advantage of being a "midling" kind of person. It didn't seem that way as a kid, when I went to the girl's washroom and someone told me I was in the wrong one, as i am one of those who have it relatively easy being born in the body that my mind identifies with.

I can't imagine the pain of being internally one gender, and being externally a quite different gender.
 
As we left a movie theatre today, we passed two women walking along the sidewalk - one with some unusual physical characteristics - and my husband commented - wondering "is that a guy?" So it gave me a good opportunity to chat with him about what I was learning here, from you Rita. He sends his thanks too.
 
Thank you Pinga and Carolla ..... and a big thank you to your husband as well Carolla....
As I have always said .... the words of someone like you is far more powerful than mine.
Yous see ..... the words are expected from me .... but not from you ..... so others want to know why you think that way.
Pinga ..... body image is such a burden for us.... often more than we can bear .... we give up .... in many ways...
Body image is a big part of the 43% problem. When one is not recognized as their real gender in society because of external body characteristics ..... even though the clothes and other things make it very clear what is going on inside .... we eventually give in to despair.
Even me .... I have quite a "male" structure and my voice .... oh my!! ....... that leaves no doubt as to my past.
LOL ..... the attribute I was most shy about was and is my voice ..... and that says a lot about ho "male" it is....
And here I am ..... I have become a public speaker ...... male voice and all ....
I have discovered that my voice is my ally ........ it clearly idenitfies me as trans right from the very first word.
There is no awkward shocked "I didn't realize that was a guy" from those that meet and hear me for the first time.
It is that voice ... my voice .... that once the words are listened to and the heart meeting takes place .... my voice is what identifies me as a woman. The heart words ...... that leaves no doubt in the minds of most..... my flawed voice is the window into my heart.
Discovering that womanhood is not about looks, voice, or whatever else is exterior ..... that is a journey that some never make.... even cis-gendered folk.
How I feel for the trans persons that are so obsessed with looks and voice ..... the exterior.... that will never ever be enough.
And really is it enough for anyone???
Hugs
Rita
 
Rita, if what you are is what you are, why does a change of clothes, makeup and hairstyle, help to complete the person? Or does it?
 
A good question Watefall ..... why is the change of the exterior so important....
For me .... and I feel I am rather typical in this respect .... I want the exterior to show the truth of the interior....
This is what I can do something about in order to have the outside be in better harmony with the inside....
A challenge for you (general just to help make a point) .....
How about taking 3 days and just dress in the clothes of the gender you are not ..... change hair style and anything else you can to match that "other" gender. Do that and see how comfortable you feel with yourself ..... both in private .... and especially in public. It is so much harder to live when the outside is at conflict with the inside.
I would sincerely suggest that little challenge to anyone that wonders about all that exterior stuff. Just a little exercise that helps a person to understand what we live all the time....
Thank you for that question :)
 
We see it all the time, don't we? Rebellious youth expressing their inner angst and rebellion against the rules while they are discovering who they really are. Women dressing more or less "feminine" to self describe. Men and boys proclaiming their masculinity through some attires.You must feel like a butterfly when you come to accept what and who you are as this marvelous transformation takes place!
 
Waterfall ..... there are those days when all goes well and it is glorious!!
There are other days when the mirror is not friendly at all.....
At a recent family event ... a wake actually .... I showed up dressed male ..... a family respect thing because that part of the family have been out of the loop so to speak ... or so I thought.....
They had been following me on the news and in the news papers and knew all about me.
They were so supportive!
Anyways .... the comments the evening of the wake was that I was obviously so uncomfortable in the male clothes.
They asked that if at all possible that for the funeral service the next day that I come as the real me.
I did so and they were delighted and all of them commented on how I looked so comfortable and natural in my female clothes.
That day ..... indeed I felt like a butterfly :)
Hugs
Rita
 
Sometimes we have to realize that when others feel uncomfortable, it's theirs to hold, not ours.
 
I hear airport travel can be difficult. Not just matching gender of passport/ID but also the full body scans and such.....
 
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