Transgenderism ..... ask your questions!

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I wonder if you were feeling that they expected you to be the "man" when perhaps what they expected was that you would do your usual "take charge" role. As it sounds like that is a common role for you

For instance, we did the same thing with my mom with altzeimers at almost the same age.

My elder sister is our take charge perrson. Much more so than my brothers.

Mom came to stay with me for three weeks. My sister got her a room in a seniors place, bought her required furniture. Selectedwhat was going with her.

Set it up, decorated and did everything.

My role was to keep mom safe with me, look after her and drive her to london and the new home.

My elder brother had no role at all, lives in ottawa. My younger brother who lives in london near my mom and sisterr just arrived for move in day.

He subsequently took her every Sunday for dinner and did lots but we all knew that my take charge sister would run the show.

I am only saying this as i wonder if you were reading too much into their expectations due to your sensitivites that they are unsure how to deal with your new persona
 
Hello Lastpointe....
Usual role for me ..... yes indeed ..... and that I do of course .....
However ... expected to express that as a "man" ...... also yes indeed... that was made abundantly clear.
This is not reading in .... an actual sibling sentiment conveyed to me by one of them.
And of course ... my mother ..... not the time or place ....
This is the reality ..... however .... I do not plan to leave it that way indefinitely....
 
Rita, your courage overwhelms me. I am sorry that you couldn't have made the decision to

make the change years back and by now in your 50's you might have some peace of mind. Unless one walks in your shoes,

one can have no idea what you go through every day. I am sorry -not for who you are but for the tension and the

turmoil you have to live through.
 
A very difficult and troubled situation you were in Rita. It sounds like you handled it well. Thanks for sharing.
 
Hugs, Rita. That was above and beyond to share that.

And more hugs as you walk the Alzheimer's journey. It has a lot of moments that really suck, as you know.
 
RitaTG said:
The question would be this Pr. Jae ...... (and I am not saying this is your position).....
How does it FEEL to be accused of having CHOSEN this as a LIFESTYLE ?......
Dare I answer?? .... what I would say would be very uncomfortable and challenging to hear....
Sincerely
Rita
Click to expand...

In a way, don't you have to "choose"? You chose to be Rita.
 
Good question Waterfall ..... and Pr. Jae .... I have not forgotten your question either ..... I will address it soon...
Ok Waterfall ..... lets look at this "choose" thing..... you are correct ... it is complex.... not a simple yes or no will do...
Lets start with the nature inside ...... the very foundation and driving force in all of this.....
That I did not choose ..... I was created this way ...... there is quite sufficient evidence worldwide that I am not alone in this.
The nature inside ..... the core me ..... not a choice ..... always there ..... not something that I can choose to turn off, change, or do away with ... tried all three as have the vast majority of trans persons..... doesn't work .....
Now as for lifestyle ...... outwardly how I deal with that internal nature that drives how I express myself....
There you are correct ..... I do have choices ...... 3 actually ......
1. Denial .... fight it ... be "the man" .... affirm "there is no Rita" ....affirm and try so hard to live the lie that "Rita" does not exist....
2. Live in shame ... hide .... and it will leak out and express itself in bad ways (been there too) ... the "bad Rita" .... I choose to live in a bad way...
3. Live and express the truth inside in good ways .... give "Rita" a chance to actually express herself as a good woman. That is the choice that I have made....
So yes ..... in a way .... I chose to be Rita .... I chose what kind of Rita I aspire to be....
I found out that each and every day I have the wonderful opportunity to become the person I so very much want to be!
All of us have that very same opportunity ..... everyday!!!!! :)
 
Rita, your story of being forced to be a man is rather sad isn't it. I see men who are "emotional" and sensitive and cry easily in my work regularly. I see women who are more problem solvers that caregivers. It is sad that we are supposed to be the role our gender dictates. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be seen as individuals, not as either male or female, or whatever label might apply.....
 
Amen Northwind ..... amen ....
It is not so much the expectations of being a problem solver or caregiver ... it is how that is to be expressed....
Yes ... it was drummed into me and my siblings that men don't cry and if they do .... get a grip... be a man...
That and all the other gender expression expectations ..... behave accordingly.....
It is how the attribute is to be expressed ...... I hope that makes sense...
Forced to express things as a man ... when one is not..... very difficult....
Hugs
Rita
 
i remember asking you once of your spiritual experience and you emailed me so not that im avoiding your thread but after your email

im good to go :)
 
Ok so I was in a meeting today. The student's father now presents as a woman. I was unsure what terms to use. I used the name " Jane" or the phrase "Bob's parents". There is a bio-mom as well. (really Bob has 3 families that love hime- 'Jane's" his mom. and foster family) It was a large meeting and I didn't want to ask" What would you prefer to be called?" as the meeting was about Bob. Parent in question is non-custodial-Bob is in fostercare. So question is does a father who switches gender become a mother?
 
OK I have my answer. Today in a smaller setting-just 3 of us I said I wasn't sure how to address "Jane" except as 'Jane" or "Bob's parents". Apparently those are the terms Jane uses. Parent is preferred to mother or father. Glad I got it right.

And glad I didn't ask in large meeting as most folks there knew and had worked with Jane for many years, including before gender change.
 
Well done Tabitha .....
By the way .... a private conversation to the side is also a great way to work these things out.
Really we do prefer it that way .... ask us .... we don't want you uncomfortable and fumbling for words either....
As for my being a mother ..... no ...... that has never been my role with my children.... and yes ... parent is the better word regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. For me .... the word parent calls all of us to share equally and fully in the nurturing and raising of the child and opens up some gender based fences that society has put up.
Thanks Tabitha!
Hugs
Rita
 
RitaTG said:
Well done Tabitha .....
By the way .... a private conversation to the side is also a great way to work these things out.
Really we do prefer it that way .... ask us .... we don't want you uncomfortable and fumbling for words either....
As for my being a mother ..... no ...... that has never been my role with my children.... and yes ... parent is the better word regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. For me .... the word parent calls all of us to share equally and fully in the nurturing and raising of the child and opens up some gender based fences that society has put up.
Thanks Tabitha!
Hugs
Rita
Click to expand...

Parents should be participating equally and fully, but in different roles. Do you think you fulfill the role of father better than that of mother?
 
Thanks Rita, Yes a private conversation is a good way to go-but wasn't possible in this situation. Perhaps if I had been earlier to meeting...
 
What makes a penis important in parenting, Jae?

What I think is far more important than the gender of the parents is the number of them. Two (or even more) is better than one. One is very tiring, and whether you chose it or not, feels very much like an unfair burden from the Universe at times.
 
Pr. Jae said:
Parents should be participating equally and fully, but in different roles. Do you think you fulfill the role of father better than that of mother?
Click to expand...
Equally and fully and in different roles .... yes .... nothing wrong with that....
However .... we do fall into a trap that the roles are somehow exclusive of each other.....
For me .... it is more like a Venn diagram and there is far more overlap than we would realize.
Also .... the boundaries are very fuzzy .... there are no convenient fences....
I would say is is more about the expression and nuance that gender happens to impart on parenting that is more the focus.
Now as for me .... fulfilling a role ..... either father or mother ... one or the other.....
I fill neither of those roles adequately in the old binary sense..... however ..... I find that I now fulfill much of both roles together with far more ability. Given that I would say that I fulfill the role of parent much better than I do the binary roles of father or mother.
Trying to be honest and open here Pr. Jae ...... and I have found that the old binary is not necessarily the better way.....
Please consider that in that I have raised 4 children and presently I am very active as a grandparent to 8 grandchildren.
As they say ..... I have been around the block a few times :)
Regards
Rita
 
crazyheart said:
I don't know what binary sense means
Click to expand...
Binary sense .... either exclusively male or exclusively female ..... nothing in between .... no complex mixture of both ... no spectrum ..... black or white ...... no grays.....
I hope that helps...
Regards
Rita
 
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