Someone suggested a joke thread............................

[Redbaron]

The 5 steps to invisibility:
1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

 

[revjohn]

The 5 steps to invisibility:
1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

I, uhhh, see what you did there.

 

[Luce NDs]

I, uhhh, see what you did there.

Did that almost slip by as clear?

 

[You just never know]

A tough old cowboy once counselled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

 

[Luce NDs]

A tough old cowboy once counselled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Isn't that a blast? Or perhaps an initial Big Bang from the inside perspective that is now inside-out and possibly the initiation of a Disney cartoon?

 

[Seeler]

UNITED – we’re a Church, not an airline!

You’ll never have to give up your seat or be dragged down the aisle!


Our minister shared this joke in her weekly e-mail.

 

[Luce NDs]

UNITED – we’re a Church, not an airline!

You’ll never have to give up your seat or be dragged down the aisle!


Our minister shared this joke in her weekly e-mail.

I don't know ... appears some may have been drug down the aisle ...

 

[Mendalla]

Saw this on another board and couldn't resist adding it here.

 

[You just never know]

Why did Quasimodo buy a wok?

So he could iron his shirts.

 

[Luce NDs]

Why did Quasimodo buy a wok?

So he could iron his shirts.

A Proto condition?

 

[Carolla]

With NO disrespect meant toward older drivers ...

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer
meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice the
light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing. Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad I had to leave them after
all the love we had shared..

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Will write again soon.


Love, Grandma

 

[Mendalla]

Of course, speaking of drivers, there's this old prayer:

Dear Lord, let me die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

 

[You just never know]

The man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," has died age 93. Hardest part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble started…

 

[Luce NDs]

Life is so difficult ... people refuse to leave grace fully ... and thus parts are left all over the kingdom ... some say there are even straying thoughts in heaven on how to cause angelic downfalls ... why we have wise ancient ladies even in occidental regions ... but they tend to be occult ... somewhat blackened by misunderstanding ...

Could be an institutional thing if they don't follow Murphy's Law and allow collapse to learn from ... causing uprisings in the patriarchal power centers ... still there are situations of incite nature there too ... can you imagine bumps in heaven and dark places ...

 

[You just never know]

I bought a fan belt today.
It keeps the top of my trousers cool.

 

[Luce NDs]

That could blow some heat exchange ... a physiological transfer ... on the darker side we don't really know entropy ... something to do with an unseen event ... and citti ... in state of chaos! Washing Ton? Kind 'a va tub a lies right now ... we may Avalon time getting over IDe ...

 

[You just never know]

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

 

[Redbaron]

Also Smokey the Bear and Kermit the Frog...

 

[Jaebius]

Also Smokey the Bear and Kermit the Frog...

Miss the Piggy. Swedish the Chef.

 

[You just never know]

Also Smokey the Bear and Kermit the Frog...

And let's not forget Bette the Red....