Someone suggested a joke thread............................

[Luce NDs]

A farm couple in Saskatchewan had their farm right up against the American border. North Dakota was just across the fence line. They had been aware for years that there was some dispute as to just where the border was. One day the mail brought an official envelope from the Canada / USA Border Commission. The husband read it aloud. It told them that after all relevant documents had been reviewed and a new survey had been completed, their property was determined to be in the USA and that their farm was now in North Dakota. They were asked to sign a document to acknowledge receipt of the notice and that they were not going to appeal the decision. The wife said “Sign it Frank, sign it! I don’t think that I can handle another Canadian winter!”

So it goes and ... God moves ... NOSH-ite!

 

[KayTheCurler]

A Baptist preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas .
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which
was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a similar
drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,

"Me too, I didn't know we had that choice."

 

[crazyheart]

 

[Luce NDs]

Good one ... a variant from the version I heard that was based on Mo'sis and Heh as sHeh was roast eDin the sight of god ... all over a host of heated thoughts ...

Under candlelight? Thus thye gooZ was cooked ...

 

[JRT]

Warning! ===coarse language.

Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are , show them your cross." So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin' wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Immaculata looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"

 

[Luce NDs]

Ever wonder about mad nuns ... they amount to anon in the patriarchy ... thus the urge to break out ... anon bust?

 

[JRT]

To be read in your best Newfie accent:

M R DUCKS
M R NOT
M R 2 CEDAR WINGS?
WELL OIL BEEF HOOKED, M R DUCKS

 

[Jaebius]

A Baptist preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas .
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which
was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a similar
drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,

"Me too, I didn't know we had that choice."

Why does the preacher have to be a Baptist in your joke Kay?

 

[Redbaron]

What is a cowboy's favourite part of a hockey game?
The shootout.

 

[Mendalla]

Why does the preacher have to be a Baptist in your joke Kay?

Baptists have a bit of reputation for being teetotalers, I assume. Not that it is unique to them, but the joke only works if the preacher is "dry" and they got picked on. Could have equally been Mormons or Pentecostals, though. It's not like she made up that joke. I've come across it before.

 

[JRT]

What is a cowboy's favourite part of a hockey game?
The shootout.

I went to a boxing match and a hockey game broke out.

 

[Luce NDs]

To be read in your best Newfie accent:

M R DUCKS
M R NOT
M R 2 CEDAR WINGS?
WELL OIL BEEF HOOKED, M R DUCKS

Well, or deeply appreciated by those of profound seize ...

 

[KayTheCurler]

Why does the preacher have to be a Baptist in your joke Kay?

Because it isn't my role to change someone else's joke. That is exactly how it was relayed to me - by a Baptist.

 

[Mendalla]

Because it isn't my role to change someone else's joke. That is exactly how it was relayed to me - by a Baptist.

Here's the thing, many of the best jokes about any given religion are made by the members of that religion. Most of the good Unitarian jokes are made by Unitarians, for instance.

Because no one else knows enough about us to make jokes about us.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Yup. Those of a Ukrainian background tell wonderful jokes about Ukrainians. Those with a Swedish background tell Ole the Swede jokes. The list could go on forever.

 

[Jaebius]

Yup. Those of a Ukrainian background tell wonderful jokes about Ukrainians. Those with a Swedish background tell Ole the Swede jokes. The list could go on forever.

I did not know that you are a Baptist Kay.

 

[Luce NDs]

I did not know that you are a Baptist Kay.

You failed the vision Jae! It passed yah ... as pistis Sophia ... you didn't get nun ...

 

[Redbaron]

I did not know that you are a Baptist Kay.

She didn't say she was. She said the person who told her the joke was a Baptist.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Sometimes it seems that people read and simultaneously 'twist' the words so they can act offended or insulted or something or other. So many times on line I have read someone's words and then been astounded at how someone else interpreted them.

 

[Mendalla]

Sometimes it seems that people read and simultaneously 'twist' the words so they can act offended or insulted or something or other. So many times on line I have read someone's words and then been astounded at how someone else interpreted them.

Nah. Never happens. Especially around here.

Okay, folks, how about we get back to telling jokes.

Here's a dirty joke:

Spoiler

A white horse fell in the mud.