An advocate? Could lead to knee jerks ...
Someone suggested a joke thread............................
- Thread starter KayTheCurler
- Start date
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An advocate? Could lead to knee jerks ...
You just never know
Blip, blip, blip....
Or with a little Arm and Hammer could be a Soda Jerk.
Or with a little Arm and Hammer could be a Soda Jerk.
Thus the word travels carrying much and unknown to those taking the 5th ...
... tis like a god .. mire essence ...
You just never know
Blip, blip, blip....
I'll take a 5th of Jack Daniels Luce!
You just never know
Blip, blip, blip....
What did the pirate say the day he became an octogenarian?
Aye Matey!
Aye Matey!
You just never know
Blip, blip, blip....
Vikings were expert mariners – you can lead a Norse to water, but you can’t make him sink!
JRT
Me on the left.
Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells...? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's ass came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story... When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's ass came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story... When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important.
JRT
Me on the left.
A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to New York City, thinking that he would work his way across the country. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The man, being intrigued, asked a minister who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The minister replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the minister and went along his way. He then traveled to Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and Chicago. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. In North Dakota he saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Regina Saskatchewan and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "10 cents per call." The man was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call".
JRT
Me on the left.
A farm couple in Saskatchewan had their farm right up against the American border. North Dakota was just across the fence line. They had been aware for years that there was some dispute as to just where the border was. One day the mail brought an official envelope from the Canada / USA Border Commission. The husband read it aloud. It told them that after all relevant documents had been reviewed and a new survey had been completed, their property was determined to be in the USA and that their farm was now in North Dakota. They were asked to sign a document to acknowledge receipt of the notice and that they were not going to appeal the decision. The wife said “Sign it Frank, sign it! I don’t think that I can handle another Canadian winter!”