I'm Not Gay But.....

[ChemGal]

Aren't bi's gay when they're gay and straight when they're straight (in affection)(or whatever)?

I've never heard that suggested before. I doubt most single people would say they are asexual when not in a relationship/dating. Are you suggesting that equivalent?

 

[Luce NDs]

Al things occur by good or bad fortune ... like discovering intelligence in the garden of good and evil after dark!

It may not be as primarily expected by training ... expect alternation at all times as things change! Stuff even drifts of pools ... windrift!

 

[BetteTheRed]

Interestingly enough, two of my three children identify as bi. All I know is that when we they were younger, and we were in the car together, it didn't matter if I mentioned "nice looking boy on north west corner of intersection", "pretty girl crossing the street there", both sets of eyes swivelled...

 

[ninj]

I've never heard that suggested before. I doubt most single people would say they are asexual when not in a relationship/dating. Are you suggesting that equivalent?

Sort of. When you are in a monogamous relationship, it's the same as passing up the options.

 

[ninj]

Interestingly enough, two of my three children identify as bi. All I know is that when we they were younger, and we were in the car together, it didn't matter if I mentioned "nice looking boy on north west corner of intersection", "pretty girl crossing the street there", both sets of eyes swivelled...

I'm guessing more common than believed. Too much taboo yet around bisexuality. I used to think it was just a phase when I was younger. Didn't take it seriously until I was around 40.

 

[ChemGal]

Sort of. When you are in a monogamous relationship, it's the same as passing up the options.

But passing up options doesn't define one's sexuality alone, it's a small aspect. I would say identity and interest are much bigger factors.

 

[Luce NDs]

When a singular support of a psychopathic CEO is evident in the miasma (environment Eire) ... does this indicate carrying of satyr for value?

Does the r's have a golden end ... proof of fleecing? Some of these CEO's even have golden toilets because of their excess compensatory terms ...

Be cognizant ordinary people are not licensed to say such things about relations ... may degrade into orge ... an old word for seed of something else ... psyche dissonance ... a metaphor of Eris!

 

[ninj]

But passing up options doesn't define one's sexuality alone, it's a small aspect. I would say identity and interest are much bigger factors.

I'm not sure how it is with others. Oddly enough, I haven't thought about it. To me it's simple. I just like who I like and find it easy to adapt.

 

[ChemGal]

I'm not sure how it is with others. Oddly enough, I haven't thought about it. To me it's simple. I just like who I like and find it easy to adapt.

No problem with that working for you

Using that line of thinking though. stuff like conversation therapy 'works'. If example, if in general we accept that a man who passes up opportunities of romantic/sexual relationships with men and maintains a relationship with a woman is straight regardless of what's going on in his head then we can say hey, conversation therapy is a success because a once gay man is now only with a woman.

 

[BetteTheRed]

I just like who I like and find it easy to adapt.

That has not been true for me. I've had some deep emotional relationships with women, fewer with men, but biologically I am straight. And I know this, because I've had enough bad stuff at the hands of men, that I made a deliberate attempt to connect with women, via a bisexual friend, in Toronto, in the early 80s. I am not lesbian; I cannot be, but I wanted to.

 

[ninj]

That has not been true for me. I've had some deep emotional relationships with women, fewer with men, but biologically I am straight. And I know this, because I've had enough bad stuff at the hands of men, that I made a deliberate attempt to connect with women, via a bisexual friend, in Toronto, in the early 80s. I am not lesbian; I cannot be, but I wanted to.

I've learned too, that being disenchanted with one gender doesn't mean the other one is going to be easier!

 

[ninj]

No problem with that working for you

Using that line of thinking though. stuff like conversation therapy 'works'. If example, if in general we accept that a man who passes up opportunities of romantic/sexual relationships with men and maintains a relationship with a woman is straight regardless of what's going on in his head then we can say hey, conversation therapy is a success because a once gay man is now only with a woman.

Interesting perspective. I guess I think we all have things "going on in our head" that are seem contradictory to our situation. Romance novels and porn as an industry thrive on this.

 

[Luce NDs]

"In Greco-Roman mythology, Leuce (Ancient Greek: Λεύκη, "White", specifically "White Poplar") was the most beautiful of the nymphs and a daughter of Oceanus."

Can you imagine a loose splash causing whetting of the crowds curiosity about the deeps? That may free up some confined thoughts ...

However som roman authorities stated that thinking men are dangerous to their fixation!

 

[Mendalla]

f in general we accept that a man who passes up opportunities of romantic/sexual relationships with men and maintains a relationship with a woman is straight regardless of what's going on in his head then we can say hey, conversation therapy is a success because a once gay man is now only with a woman.

Which is entirely not the case, as I think you are suggesting. How many times have we read about "conversion therapy" graduates who marry a woman, have kids, and are quietly still cruising gay bars when they can sneak away? It is entirely the desires and attractions that matter in defining one's sexual orientation, not a reality that may or may not conform to those feelings. I'm not out nor am I having relationships with men, but that doesn't mean I'm not bi.

 

[ChemGal]

Which is entirely not the case, as I think you are suggesting. How many times have we read about "conversion therapy" graduates who marry a woman, have kids, and are quietly still cruising gay bars when they can sneak away? It is entirely the desires and attractions that matter in defining one's sexual orientation, not a reality that may or may not conform to those feelings. I'm not out nor am I having relationships with men, but that doesn't mean I'm not bi.

How is it not the case, assuming that premise though? If people are straight simply because of 'passing up' on opportunities and we define sexuality simply based on who someone is with at any time?

I do disagree with the premise, but that's where I see the logic of it leading to.

 

[Mendalla]

How is it not the case, assuming that premise though? If people are straight simply because of 'passing up' on opportunities and we define sexuality simply based on who someone is with at any time?

I do disagree with the premise, but that's where I see the logic of it leading to.

Yeah, it's logic that says outward matters more than inward, when the opposite is true in this case. Marrying a person of the opposite sex does not make you "not gay" if you're just doing it to cover and run away from your gay feelings.

 

[PilgrimsProgress]

That has not been true for me. I've had some deep emotional relationships with women, fewer with men, but biologically I am straight. And I know this, because I've had enough bad stuff at the hands of men, that I made a deliberate attempt to connect with women, via a bisexual friend, in Toronto, in the early 80s. I am not lesbian; I cannot be, but I wanted to.

Seems we're back to one of the favourite topics that featured in the original Wondercafe........
I feel much the same as you, Bette, -I've had many meaningful deep emotional relationships with women, but biologically I'm straight. Unlike you, I've not wanted a physical relationship with a woman. Physically, I'm attracted to men's bodies (well, just youngish men's bodies, lol).

Just wondering if you can be physically hetero, but emotionally bi?
All my life I've wondered about why some emotionally close relationships with some women are different than others? I feel the same sense of excitement and anticipation in being with them that I do men -yet the idea of a physical relationship with them is disturbing - and not what I'm after?

Years ago I read a psychologist saying something about it being part of my personality that is still dormant in me, but expressed in them. A search for ultimate self-realization?

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

It just occurred to me 5 minutes ago - so before I forget - both the terms " man's man" and "lady's man" are indicative of straight male machismo. They can't even share one of them.

 

[Delightful Life]

So anyway, I think it's just something to be aware of. Saying "I'm not gay but" is kind offensive in most cases IMHO. Might as well say, "Sucks to be you".

Lol

Oh my dear sweet wealthy cracker

The best way to find out aboot ANYTHING
including gay butts (ooo lah lah) is to ask the person in question

And then that will only apply to that one person

Just like the N word can b ok (not is as in always or all situations)

(There r even some transsexuals who have since changed their mind and regret theit decision...we must b compassionate to them as well)

So yes it can be offensive. Possibly. But not always for all people in all situations.


Cheer up

The worst is yet to come *waggles eyebrows*

#MutualAid
#BeNotAfraid
#SystemicWhimsey
#JoyPrivilege

Ps remind me to dig up collated research on all modern historical metaphysics on theories of gender. Its mindblowing. In the good sense.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Interestingly enough, two of my three children identify as bi. All I know is that when we they were younger, and we were in the car together, it didn't matter if I mentioned "nice looking boy on north west corner of intersection", "pretty girl crossing the street there", both sets of eyes swivelled...

I would look too. I’m not sure such a scenario directly relates to sexuality. Could be curiosity about who you were referring to, and about your interpretation of “nice looking” or “pretty”. Either or both of them could disagree with you about either or both of the people you pointed out. I don’t think I have to be bi to recognize a nice looking person of either sex. It comes down to whether or not i’d actually want to have sex with either.