So, I went to church for the first time in a long time.
I won't get into the history of the "why", but, the situation was that I no longer felt comfortable in my church, but, felt like going to another church was deserting my church. I am still connected by PAR to my old church, even if my heart strings were hurting when present.
So....I went to church today.
I went to a church that I always figured would be the one that if I went that I would go to. They seemed to know how to do church even within the normal odd brokenness of church. Their theology is likely not where mine is, I didn't expect that the music would be what I wanted, but I hoped for a church that I could start to put down roots in or at least feel comfortable camping out in for a while.
As it turned out, I got hugs from 2 friends within 10' of the entrance to the sanctuary, and sat with two more. I have been in the church to support bazaar, but had also been going to a board game night most fridays, and it seems a few of the folks from the church are regulars.
I knew one women who volunteers at the hospital, and another person from Five Oaks, and so on, and so on.
So, it was like walking into a place where it is already a bit of home.
The music -- well, it isn't what I am used to, it is praise band style, and I find the lyrics a struggle, but, you know, I can live with them, and people enjoy singing them. I have met the minister before, but, hadn't heard him preach, and well, it was good. I found myself engaged & applying. I listened, and when my mind wandered off, that was my challenge, not the messages. The passing of the peace went on for ever, but it seemed to be honest and welcome. The youth were busy and active, and not in the sanctuary due to other items going on, and that was ok too.
Funny thing about attending a church, especially if you know church dynamics and you also know a lot of people there. I was moving around the space, chatting with folks that I knew. Getting coffee, etc. I happened to see a table of elderly women who I don't know. As I was facing one of them, I saw one of them lean over to the other and stage-whisper "do you know her?" and nod her head towards me. The other looked concerned "no, I don't". You could see their brains a whirring. It was funny and cute.
So, all in all, I found myself thinkin' "yeah, i can come back here". That is a nice change from walking out feeling every nerve has been jarred.
I know that feeling is about "me". I don't lay it at the congregation or minister's feet. I own how I respond to church and the service, and if a member of a church; how the church functions.