How do you define 'family'

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If people want to say they are starting a family because they are having a baby or adopting, I don't take issue with it. It's when people ask me that. My immediate family has been started already, and it might be complete.
 
I think if someone asked me that question I might reply "Right now we are a family." or "We are all the family we need for now."
or I could say something like "Why do you want to know?" or "That's rather personal, don't you think?" or "None of your business."
It would probably depend upon who asked and the context in which it was asked.
For a close friend or loving family member I might reply, "We've got other priorities right now." or if I wanted to share I could go into detail, such as "With my health problems we might choose not to have family." or "We want to do some travelling before we decide whether parenthood is for us."
 
True CH. It's a bit of doubly whammy - rude for asking something like that, and rude for implying we're not a family already.
 
My partner and I considered ourselves to be a family for the 10 + years we were together before having a child. I prefer the term ‘expanding our family’ or ‘adding to our family’, rather than starting a family.
 
Seeler said:
I like crazyheart's statement "If you think you are family, then you are family."


But 'starting a family'? I would think of that as a person, or a couple, deciding to have (or adopt) a baby or child.
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A single woman could decide to "start a family" by having a baby by herself (not conceiving by herself, but birthing and raising it alone after some form of sperm donation).
 
Family ....... a social and very personal group bound together in love for one another....
It is far deeper than merely a biological connection.....
Starting a family ..... beginning the process of starting another socially bound group that will have those special ties
 
ChemGal said:
I agree about the context. Sometimes it means the people I live with, sometimes more extended and then there are the non-relatives who are like family.

I don't care for the meaning behind the phrase starting a family though. My husband and I are a family, and if someone asks when we are going to start one, it implies that they don't consider us to be a family already.
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Some years back I was chatting with a friend who was breathlessly awaiting news on an adoption. I was an enthusiastic cheerleader. But at the end of the conversation she said "so, what about you two, are you thinking of starting a family?" And while I mostly understood where she was coming from I felt the same way you did: I said, probably more icily than I could have, "we are a family."
 
Smote, I can see where that would be especially frustrating when you were supporting her.
 
Last time I was in a photo church directory I brought my cat and included her-with my 3 children-in the family photo. She was the only cat-but lots of pepele included their dog or dogs.
 
I think I'm going to jump on board with CH's definition of family. When I refer to 'family', for simplicity's sake it probably fits the most broadly understood definition - parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles - 'titled' people somehow related by blood, marriage or adoption. But I also have a 'church family', and a few very dear friends who are 'like' family. You see shows like Friends or How I Met Your Mother and there's a very real sense of a 'chosen' family amongst the core group. I'm sure there are legalistic and official definitions in terms of obligations and responsibilities to spouses, children, parents etc. But in terms of the nurturing relationship, family is what you think it is.

As far as 'starting a family' - I understand it as everyone here seems to, adding to your family by way of birth or adoption. But I also don't like the term because I agree, it suggests there was no family unit there already. My husband and I were a family before the kids came along. We didn't 'start a family', then, as such.
 
It is one of those cases where the wording in the phrase doesn't best suit what the person stating it means. They use the word "family" instead of "children". I think when someone uses the phrase "starting a family" most know that it means increasing your already established family with children (birth or adoption). I don't think anyone using the phrase means that they think the two persons involved aren't already a family or a family unit.

I too think family is what you think it is for yourself.

When I was a child, or even an adult before relationships or children I would have responded that my Family was made up of my mom and my dad, and my siblings. When I married I would have responded that my family was made up of my husband and myself, and then children when we had them. My mom and my dad didn't stop being my Family, but "My Family" was now hubby and children.

I have friends who are like family and I have a church family too.
 
What about when "Family" is a term that describes extended family you could care less about, or even worse, when a member of that extended family is guilty of harming others within the circle. "Family Reunion" has a different feel than excitement.

Seeler - I'm sorry you felt left out. Maybe it was a chance for your daughter to develop a relationship with other parents, and that was the intent of the event. Sometimes we organizers try to create those options that change the regular way that people connect at church, in order to spark new opportunities.
 
Birthstone said:
What about when "Family" is a term that describes extended family you could care less about, or even worse, when a member of that extended family is guilty of harming others within the circle. "Family Reunion" has a different feel than excitement.

Seeler - I'm sorry you felt left out. Maybe it was a chance for your daughter to develop a relationship with other parents, and that was the intent of the event. Sometimes we organizers try to create those options that change the regular way that people connect at church, in order to spark new opportunities.
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I think it was more a money thing. Instead of paying as a family, we were charged for an extra adult. Which doesn't make sense - if two working parents earning big money and their child can be charged a family rate, why can't a grandmother, mother and child? But that was some time ago - it just comes to my mind whenever I hear someone trying to define family in a restrictive way.
 
When my husband died, I spent a lot of time making sure our daughter knew that we were still a family, even though there were only 2 of us.

I took a high school class that was kind of an introduction to sociology and I remember a friend of mine being very upset over the definition of family because according to the definition, she didn't have one. She had been removed from her mother's custody by CAS and placed with an aunt (who wasn't really her aunt anymore because she was an aunt through marriage and had since divorced her uncle.) She created her own family tree that included herself, her teddy bear, her cat and her childhood imaginary friend.

I think family has to be something you label for yourself. It can be very hurtful to exclude someone else's idea of family.
 
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