Bullying

[JayneWonders]

@ChemGal you cited repeated messages. @Delightful Life and @Northwind both explained why the thread continued.
If you wanted to retain messages, screen shot them.

You can't have it both ways. The technology has its' limits. You cannot force two people to not talk with each other or to start a new conversation. They may choose to, but, ultimately, if you don't want to be part of a conversation, you need to leave via option 2. If you don't, then you can't complain about getting messages.

@paradox3, suggested that Delightful Life and Northwind could have started a new conversation, and they could have, had they known the challenge, but it appears that @Delightful Life was unaware of the hardship it was causing chemgal. I do not know if Northwind was or was not aware.

@ChemGal re the rules blocking your ability to communicate with Northwind, possibly; however, you could always talk with delightful life. Also, I am guessing you are referring to the instruction to ignore Northwind. At some point, if someone reaches out to you, it is reasonable to say "i ahve been instructed to ignore you, and so am following that instruction" or seek clarification if that rule still applies.

Anyhow, you now have options if you get invited to a dialogue that you dont' want to be a part of.

(Edited to clean up the wording and get rid of some of the vague references)

 

[ChemGal]

@ChemGal you cited repeated messages. @Delightful Life and @Northwind both explained why the thread continued.
If you wanted to retain messages, screen shot them.
You can't have it both ways. You cannot force two people to not talk with each other.
@paradox3, or someone suggested that they could have started a new conversation, and they could have, had they known the challenge, but it appears that @Delightful Life was unaware of the hardship it was causing chemgal.
@ChemGal re the rules, possibly; however, you could always talk with delightful life.

Anyhow, you now have options if you get invited to a dialogue that you dont' want to be a part of.

Northwind has stated she will not be in a conversation in the past with just me. I have respected that (despite getting a message after that just between the 2 of us), I have not sent any messages that were just Northwind and myself since that.

Here I am asking Northwind to not send me and messages via conversation. I am not suggesting she cannot have conversations, but I am asking that they only be sent when I am not a participant.

People have put up boundaries with names, how they are referred of, I have been one. That has been trampled on too.

You cannot force two people to not talk with each other.

Seems like that's what the rule was for a while?

 

[Northwind]

With which?

With the statement you made of course.

 

[ChemGal]

With the statement you made of course.

There was 2 parts, I have been honest, you haven't. Which part do you take issue with? Both?

 

[Northwind]

Thanks @JayneWonders

I wish there was a way to have someone review our private messages to prove I haven't started any new messages with CG in some time. Yes, I did include her in one today which I've stated openly here.

 

[Northwind]

There was 2 parts, I have been honest, you haven't. Which part do you take issue with? Both?

Exactly what I said. Here's the screenshot. I hope that will help you understand. If not, there's nothing more I can say.

 

[ChemGal]

Exactly what I said. Here's the screenshot. I hope that will help you understand. If not, there's nothing more I can say. View attachment 7895

What have I not been honest about? When I state something like that, I do back it up. You make accusations about me which seem like lies to me.

 

[Northwind]

What have I not been honest about? When I state something like that, I do back it up. You make accusations about me which seem like lies to me.

Again, I disagree. I'm not going to continue this. Leave me alone.

 

[ChemGal]

Again, I disagree. I'm not going to continue this. Leave me alone.

Don't send me messages via conversations. Stop bringing up our conflict in the forums directly or indirectly. Don't bring this up elsewhere. Don't start new issues with me. AKA likewise, leave me alone. Then done.

 

[Delightful Life]

Just to point out a potential good thing here

What have I not been honest about? When I state something like that, I do back it up. You make accusations about me which seem like lies to me.

She wrote "seems like". That is good. She isn't saying "is lies" here but "seems like".

That gives some room?

 

[Northwind]

Don't send me messages via conversations. Stop bringing up our conflict in the forums directly or indirectly. Don't bring this up elsewhere. Don't start new issues with me. AKA likewise, leave me alone. Then done.

I have not started new issues with you. You're the one who did that here on post 82 or thereabouts. I have zero desire to interact with you. What makes you think I will start more discussions with you.

Please feel free to make my last PM public. I'm happy to have that made public. That being said, I will report anything that tries to malign me again. You are not the only one who gets to have boundaries.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

@ChemGal you cited repeated messages. @Delightful Life and @Northwind both explained why the thread continued.
If you wanted to retain messages, screen shot them.

You can't have it both ways. The technology has its' limits. You cannot force two people to not talk with each other or to start a new conversation. They may choose to, but, ultimately, if you don't want to be part of a conversation, you need to leave via option 2. If you don't, then you can't complain about getting messages.

@paradox3, suggested that Delightful Life and Northwind could have started a new conversation, and they could have, had they known the challenge, but it appears that @Delightful Life was unaware of the hardship it was causing chemgal. I do not know if Northwind was or was not aware.

@ChemGal re the rules blocking your ability to communicate with Northwind, possibly; however, you could always talk with delightful life. Also, I am guessing you are referring to the instruction to ignore Northwind. At some point, if someone reaches out to you, it is reasonable to say "i ahve been instructed to ignore you, and so am following that instruction" or seek clarification if that rule still applies.

Anyhow, you now have options if you get invited to a dialogue that you dont' want to be a part of.

(Edited to clean up the wording and get rid of some of the vague references)

JayneWonders, your practical analytical sense does come in handy sometimes.

 

[Northwind]

JayneWonders, your practical analytical sense does come in handy sometimes.

It sure does.

 

[ChemGal]

I have not started new issues with you. You're the one who did that here on post 82 or thereabouts. I have zero desire to interact with you. What makes you think I will start more discussions with you.

Because of your behaviour in the past, including today. How many conversation messages did you include me in when the 2 way ignore was in place? If you have zero desire to interact it should not be a problem to not send me messages via conversations.

 

[Delightful Life]

And you know how prickly people can get when their dander is up...how words that seem innocent can become something different? Old rules of behaviour can become more rigid and strident (protective?), and any infraction can seem, understandably so, to be a Great Infraction?

This all really started over the Emergency Act thread I am still guessing. And that time really effed me up. I would be surprised if it didn't screw around with you two and pretty much everyone else here.

I might die before this year is out and I would be so sorry to see two good people to be at loggerheads like this.

Maybe it is just this crazy online world we have going on here? So impersonal? Distant?

I offer more puppies
Lots of them

 

[JayneWonders]

Thanks @JayneWonders

I wish there was a way to have someone review our private messages to prove I haven't started any new messages with CG in some time. Yes, I did include her in one today which I've stated openly here.

The forum software forums are full of items related to Private Messages, including how some sites have renamed them to get rid of the word "private". Others have created automatic reporting based on key words. (I'm glad we don't have that kind of a site@!)

Basically, messages are just data, and as such the god accounts would be theoretically able to read them.
We, as Admins, have always said that is a line that we would not cross.
The exception might be for a truly life/death situation (remembering the suicide announcement at wondercafe)

 

[JayneWonders]

Because of your behaviour in the past, including today. How many conversation messages did you include me in when the 2 way ignore was in place? If you have zero desire to interact it should not be a problem to not send me messages via conversations.

ChemGal, do you agree that if someone else invites multiple people to a conversation, including you & Northwind, and if Northwind responds...that you would see it as not a direct attempt to communicate with you, but, just a lack of awareness that you are in the conversation, and as such you could just say "hey i'm out of here" and take your leave via option 2?

 

[Northwind]

@Delightful Life I'll respond to you privately. This thread doesn't need to continue to be the CG and NW show.

 

[ChemGal]

ChemGal, do you agree that if someone else invites multiple people to a conversation, including you & Northwind, and if Northwind responds...that you would see it as not a direct attempt to communicate with you, but, just a lack of awareness that you are in the conversation, and as such you could just say "hey i'm out of here" and take your leave via option 2?

When it's regarding things that happened between the 2 of us it's another method of bullying. Why should I have to continually put up with this?
Why I brought it up here?

I have recently been accused of bullying someone. If anyone here has seen me being a bully let me know. I can take clear constructive and respectful feedback.

I have done this now.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

With a quote like this below in your messages, I don’t think anybody would assume that CG would be having trouble managing messages she doesn’t want to get.
I can’t see any intentional harm in Northwind responding to DLs messages that CG was originally included in.
quote:
“If you have any questions about how to use the site, you can ask me and hopefully I can help!”