estranged family members

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@Tabitha Sending you comforting energy. I hope you are able to take care of yourself. I'm glad you got some "news" even if it's not the contact that you so badly want. Are you still sending your child notes? I can't imagine how difficult this is for you.

My brother rarely calls my Mom and I can see the toll it is taking on her and he is still in some contact so I can only imagine how you must feel.

Are you able to get some counselling to help with your feelings?
 
Estranged is not a word I'd use. Complex? Not close? I was close with my grandparents but they passed away in the past couple of years. But even with them, we only talked every couple of months. When my parents divorced when I was a kid, I hate to say it but they were most concerned with themselves and the family ties all fell apart. I talk to both 'sets' of my parents every so often. About once a month, or two. I see them about twice a year. I see my step siblings every two years or so at Christmas. Everyone has their independent lives. That's just the way it is and has been for years and years. My parents go on trips and don't tell me. I have an aunt I talk to more regularly but haven't seen her for 2 years. We get along well. Other aunts and uncles I see every 5-10 years. We talk to my inlaws once a month, also. My 'chosen' family is my husband and a couple of my best girlfriends.
 
We all live in different cities, so it doesn't seem that unusual to me. A month can go by pretty fast. When something's going on, like when my husband was in the hospital, I spoke to my parents nearly every day and my dad came to visit, so it's not that bad. There is some care and concern but we're not a typical family who speaks every week or more unless there's a major happening or crisis. Everybody's just doing their own thing. It's probably a poor learned behaviour on everyone's part.
 
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I've said before I am better off keeping distance between my mom and I (and just talking to my step-dad) but I still don't consider her estranged even if I don't speak to her directly for months. It's just easier on both of us.
 
Kimmio said:
Estranged is not a word I'd use. Complex? Not close? I was close with my grandparents but they passed away in the past couple of years. But even with them, we only talked every couple of months. When my parents divorced when I was a kid, I hate to say it but they were most concerned with themselves and the family ties all fell apart. I talk to both 'sets' of my parents every so often. About once a month, or two. I see them about twice a year. I see my step siblings every two years or so at Christmas. Everyone has their independent lives. That's just the way it is and has been for years and years. My parents go on trips and don't tell me. I have an aunt I talk to more regularly but haven't seen her for 2 years. We get along well. Other aunts and uncles I see every 5-10 years. We talk to my inlaws once a month, also. My 'chosen' family is my husband and a couple of my best girlfriends.
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That seems pretty typical to me. I have extended family I rarely talk to, but enjoy being with them when we can meet up. I usually see my sister only about every 2-3 months and she lives in the same city, I still think of us as being close, but we're not best friends. I don't see my parents that often, although I probably talk to them at least once a month. I see a best friend about as often as my sister, maybe a little less.
 
With telephone so cheap, I am lucky or as most of you think not so lucky,
I talk to my kids every day or so. My sister at least once a month
 
Tabitha said:
so it's about 8 weeks since your family last heard from him. Your sister has his phone number-if he texted her.

Perhaps you could get his number from your sister and text him with your new ap.

If his birthday is soon you could wish him a happy day-or even just say you were thinking of him on family day!
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Sometimes those "special" days allow for us to make contact with someone that we haven't for a long time in a less threatening way . . . as in "I know it's your birthday, just wanted to send birthday blessings". and leave it at that. Then that my allow a person to send a text a few days later making another contact, etc. etc.
 
Tabitha said:
so my sister did e-mail me-and her daughter added a paragraph-aproved by my middle one
They in school. They are happy. They are about to move in with a friend. School is almost done.-no word on future plans ie after University

Sister and niece did not want to break their "precarious thread of communication" by telling me before trip.. (But somehow thought they could tell my parents and other sister?)

I did respond back and say that yes the visit was a good thing, I appreciated the update. I kept my e-mail short.

In reality my heart is still hemorrhaging as a part of it is missing. I also feel I need to watch what I say to my sister as my trust has been broken.

I'm also experiencing some depression at the moment, and am concentrating on doing things that make me feel good
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Tabitha, your pain permeates through the words in this post. My heart aches for you. I hope with maturity, confidence in oneself, and personal stability, this child of yours is able to find a means and a way to enter in to relationship with you once again. I don't believe you are the type to "give up", but I still say the words "never give up hope!" - you just never know what the next day, week, month, year, or years might bring - perhaps a reconnection.
 
Today is the day Jae. How was your call received? (Isn't it great that your brother wasn't estranged from the family but your sister had his phone number? He also shows up in the Govt of Alberta directories with his work number)
 
Tabitha said:
Today is the day Jae. How was your call received? (Isn't it great that your brother wasn't estranged from the family but your sister had his phone number? He also shows up in the Govt of Alberta directories with his work number)
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Thank you for asking Tabitha. Dr. Rae and I enjoyed a short but good telephone conversation today.
 
Perhaps as you reduce your time on WC2 Jae you can spend more time connecting with your family. I'm sure your siblings and nieces and nephews would appreciate more frequent contact. Friendly phonecalls and letters are usually welcomed.
 
Tabitha said:
Perhaps as you reduce your time on WC2 Jae you can spend more time connecting with your family. I'm sure your siblings and nieces and nephews would appreciate more frequent contact. Friendly phonecalls and letters are usually welcomed.
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Perhaps Tabitha. We're all fairly busy.
 
RitaTG said:
Sincerely wishing you the best Jae ......
I am really hoping for you and your family....
Hugs
Rita
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Thank you :) RitaTG.

Dr. Rae seems happy :) out there in Edmonton, judging by our telephone conversation. He has friends there who he met back in his university days.
 
Is there a difference between being estranged and just growing apart?

My sister says that she seldom sees her married son who lives about a 12 hour drive from her. Usually she tries to visit him once a year but with age and health issues that is getting difficult - and its been years since he and his wife have visited (even less often since his kids are grown and he and his wife have to be home on holidays when they will be coming home from college or work). Occasional phone calls - usually instigated by her.

Our son lives in Korea. At first he tried to come home once a year. Then it was every second year. This summer will be the second year since he's been home and he hasn't mentioned it yet.

A senior friend told me recently that her daughter (single, childless, good job on the west coast) hasn't been home in ten years. If my friend wants to see her, she has to fly out. The same with her son and his family living in Ontario. They haven't been home since the twins were born six years ago. Her other son moved back to the province a few years ago and lives with her.

Another friends says that her older daughter phones every day, often brings over the 4 year old for a visit, and occasionally spends the night with her parents if her husband is out-of-town. The other daughter is busy with two teenagers and seldom phones or visits even though they live in the same town. (I don't think the two girls get together much either).

How close is it normal for adults to phone or visit their parents?

It seems to me that we saw a lot more of our daughter when she was in an unhappy marriage and when she relied upon us for practical and emotional support than we see of her now when she is in a happy, supportive relationship. And we see less of our grandchildren as they are growing up.

My mother died before I was grown and I never was close to my father who died when I was in my 20s. I do phone my sisters or they call about once a month and we usually see each other once a year, or so. I don't remember a close relationship with my grandparents.
 
my mother's father died before I was born, and her mother lived with us during my childhood to early teen years. Then, she lived in a nursing home, and mom went to visit her most days. My grandma hated it there, and my mom hated putting her there.
my father's father was an ornery old goat, but dad phone him daily, and near the end, went to visit him every week to get his groceries, it was a 2.5 to 3hr drive.
My father's mother died a bit earlier, but i went to visit her, as did my dad. I would try a few times a year (as a young woman), and my dad went at least monthly, and we all went a couple of times per year.

now...my parents....we live close, so that is easy. I sometimes would go up to a month between visits to my parents, even though we are close, but i would see them weekly at church. Now, i talk to dad anywhere from daily to weekly, and see him anywhere from daily to monthly. (unusal to go a month, but it has happened).
my husband's mom was seen regularly up until her death... then again, we all live close. (his dad died young)
 
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