Transgenderism ..... ask your questions!

Welcome to Wondercafe2!

A community where we discuss, share, and have some fun together. Join today and become a part of it!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Thank you for that wonderful good news BetteTheRed !!!
Yes indeed ..... the younger generation will have it easier .... I am doing my part to see to that...
Now for us older folk ..... I want to help make the future easier so that we can live out our sunset years in peace....
Hugs
Rita
 
Jae ... yes indeed ... very hard to wrap one's head around.....
I shall try to explain further ......
My wife is very aware that inside I am Rita and that how I present to her and the rest of the family is merely for their sake and comfort. Even when dressed as a man .... she knows the heart.....
She may not be able to accept the full presentation of the true me but that in no way implies that she can pretend "Rita" does not exist. She knows I am crossdressed at home....she knows....
So ...in a sense ..... for her ... and remember .... intimate .... more than the body ...... who is she being intimate with????
There is the quandary ......

Thanks Rita... I feel that I understand... Well, better than before anyway...
 
Hi.

Just popping in to say that there was a good article in the Globe and Mail that discussed Pinga's question about retirement care and people who identify on the LGBT spectrum. The article was mostly about a lesbian couple, but there was a brief discussion about an unfortunate incident that happened with a trans woman in a care facility (she had a penis and it rattled the caregiver who did not handle it well) and how it could have been handled better. The article stressed the importance of education to ensure appropriate and sensitive care for all. It was a helpful read and was timely given this conversation.

Also I do, sort of, have a question. We attend an affirming congregation where one member is a trans woman (I hope I am saying this correctly. A person born male but who lives and identifies as female.). She is quite feminine and I often joke with her that she is a waaaaaay better girl than me. I often ask her for fashion advice because I am a bit of a clod and her taste is to die for. I mention this because I am aware that my experience with trans women to date has been with women who present as very feminine - even though I know that applying any kind of stereotype isn't helpful!

Because our church is affirming we have had people drop in who introduce themselves as female and are dressed as a women, but look particularly masculine. I have wondered if these individuals generally live their week as a man, but know our church is a safe place so enjoy the opportunity to live as female for a few hours. Does this happen? Is it common that an individual may still mostly live as their biological gender but seek out one or two safe places where they can live as their chosen gender for a period of time?

Other than the obvious, that of practicing unreserved acceptance and welcome, how can an individual or a congregation be supportive of an person who is early in their journey of transitioning?
 
Last edited:
Jae .... I am particularly interested in helping you understand ..... you are going to be a pastor.
You will be dealing with persons like me ..... and persons like my dear wife and children....
What you say and do is going to have an enormous impact on our lives and families.....
That 90% divorce rate ...... as a pastor ..... you have an important influence on that.
As a pastor ..... you hold our hearts in your hands....
 
Hi.

Just popping in to say that there was a good article in the Globe and Mail that discussed Pinga's question about retirement care and people who identify on the LGBT spectrum. The article was mostly about a lesbian couple, but there was a brief discussion about an unfortunate incident that happened with a trans woman in a care facility (she had a penis and it rattled the caregiver who did not handle it well) and how it could have been handled better. The article stressed the importance of education to ensure appropriate and sensitive care for all. It was a helpful read and was timely given this conversation.

Also I do, sort of, have a question. We attend an affirming congregation where one member is a trans woman (I hope I am saying this correctly. A person born male but who lives and identifies as female.). She is quite feminine and I often joke with her that she is a waaaaaay better girl than me. I often ask her for fashion advice because I am a bit of a clod and her taste is to die for. I mention this because I am aware that my experience with trans women to date has been with women who present as very feminine - even though I know that applying any kind of stereotype isn't helpful!

Because our church is affirming we have had people drop in who introduce themselves as female and are dressed as a women, but look particularly masculine. I have wondered if these individuals generally live their week as a man, but know our church is a safe place so enjoy the opportunity to live as female for a few hours. Does this happen? Is it common that an individual may still mostly live as their biological gender but seek out one or two safe places where they can live as their chosen gender for a period of time?

Other than the obvious, that of practicing unreserved acceptance and welcome, how can an individual or a congregation be supportive of an person who is early in their journey of transitioning?
You are very perceptive DaisyJane ......
Your terminology is fine ..... and the very best and preferable label for the group is just "women".
Our presentation is not an indicator of what is inside.
Those that are coming out to church and look masculine are well aware of that and are so very brave.
Imagine the desperation that drives a person to come out and show themselves when they know what shows through.
These are poor souls that get to snatch moments of time here and there to actually live what is inside.
That is the reality for the vast majority of trans persons ..... very few get to be themselves full time.
What a compliment to your church that they feel welcomed and safe doing so with you!!!
These are women that so very much need your gentle care and mentoring....
A big HUG and thank you to you and your church for being there for them.
 
Jae .... I am particularly interested in helping you understand ..... you are going to be a pastor.

Actually, I already am a pastor, but anyway...

RitaTG said:
You will be dealing with persons like me ..... and persons like my dear wife and children....

Actually Rita, I most probably will not be. In my experience, persons like you and your family are usually not attracted to attending conservative evangelical churches, which is the kind of community I hope to eventually be a Senior Pastor of.

RitaTG said:
What you say and do is going to have an enormous impact on our lives and families..... That 90% divorce rate ...... as a pastor ..... you have an important influence on that.
As a pastor ..... you hold our hearts in your hands....

Nicely said. :)
 
Actually, I already am a pastor, but anyway...
Actually Rita, I most probably will not be. In my experience, persons like you and your family are usually not attracted to attending conservative evangelical churches, which is the kind of community I hope to eventually be a Senior Pastor of.
Ok then .... Pastor Jae ...... you are mistaken ..... you will indeed be dealing with someone Being part of a church is like being part of a family ..... it is not a supermarket decision....
I can tell you that to have to give up what is familiar and all those relationships .... to pull up roots .... all the while feeling condemned is so very hard and devastating.....
There will be parents with children that come out as trans ..... those children have no options as to where they go.
The parents are going to turn to you.
It is the conservative evangelical churches that most need to hear my message.....
To be told ..... "go to that church ... they deal with your kind" ..... that is devastating...... humiliating .... degrading.....
43%
Please remember that ......
Yes ... we will be sitting in your pews .... hidden .... and sometimes not so hidden.....
You decide ..... are you to be pastor only to those you are comfortable with ... or are you going to be pastor to all that come through your doors....
....it is that vitally important Pastor Jae......
 
Last edited:
I hadn't thought of how hard it must be to go out in public knowing that in spite of being dressed as a woman you still present as fairly "male". That your biological gender overshadows your true self and that we, in the public, also see that "betrayal" of your body - so to speak.

I agree. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be and how courageous the woman must be to venture out.


Thanks for pointing that out. That is very helpful.
 
Ok then .... Pastor Jae ...... you are mistaken ..... you will indeed be dealing with someone like me and a family like mine ... mark my words....

There will be parents with children that come out as trans ..... those children have no options as to where they go.
The parents are going to turn to you.
It is the conservative evangelical churches that most need to hear my message.....
To be told ..... "go to that church ... they deal with your kind" ..... that is devastating...... humiliating .... degrading.....
43%

This is an education that you are getting, Jae, as are all of us.
 
Jae. I would think that it isn't that people who are trans are not "attracted" to conservative, evangelical churches, simply that they are not at liberty to "come out" in such a church.

For example, what about someone who was raised in such a church. For them that faith and church is "home". But yet they are called to live life differently than they were born and they know the church they consider "family and home" will not accept this.
 
I very much appreciate this discussion. I work in the field of addictions and am quite sure I have had interactions with people who identify as transgendered. I'm mindful of a boy of around ten (in another work setting) who said he wanted to be a girl. He was making regalia for Pow Wow dancing, and wanted "girl" colours. His caregiver did not like that and brought him to see me so I could change his mind. That is not my job. My job is to be where the client is, and walk with them. The caregiver did not like that I did that. I sometimes wonder about that boy. I think he'd be a teen now. I also remember the person who came to my workplace in Toronto. The receptionists would take basic demographic information as they came. This person was not readily identifiable as either male or female. It was a puzzle for the person who was supposed to enter "M" or "F". I suspect "Other" has been added at least since then. It really doesn't matter sometimes, does it. It is up to the individual to decide how to present.
 
Jae. I would think that it isn't that people who are trans are not "attracted" to conservative, evangelical churches, simply that they are not at liberty to "come out" in such a church.

For example, what about someone who was raised in such a church. For them that faith and church is "home". But yet they are called to live life differently than they were born and they know the church they consider "family and home" will not accept this.

I would also wonder if they are there to find a "cure" for their dilemma. Compassion would be so important.

I just heard a story from a woman who became involved with a very conservative, probably private "Christian" group. They laid hands on her to heal her. That was twenty years ago or so. She has wondered over the years why she wasn't healed and what was wrong with her as she struggled with her demons. That is tragic to me.
 
You decide ..... are you to be pastor only to those you are comfortable with ... or are you going to be pastor to all that come through your doors....
....it is that vitally important Pastor Jae......[/FONT]

If I'm only going to minister to those I'm comfortable with, I should just do the wise thing right now and choose a different goal than becoming a Senior Pastor.
 
Just today I was standing in Costco waiting to get my sample of a new kind of sausage being promoted when I noticed the person beside me. At least six foot, broad shouldered, dressed in pants (as almost everybody in the store was), but with a woman's shirt over a halter-top. Orange shoulder-length hair, and two-day whiskers. The sample-person said, "Here you are, sir." And a definitely masculine voice said, "Thanks." I didn't say anything. But I wondered, why did she address this person as "Sir"? If I were waiting on them, what should I have said?
I've known women who are big and rugged looking, who move about and walk like males, and who from behind definitely look like men. It wouldn't be difficult for them to present as male. The same with many men who can dress and act quite feminine.
It must be difficult for six foot masculine looking people to identify as women.
 
Indeed it is Seeler ......
When unsure .... and in a position like this person doing the promotion ...... simply say ... "here you are" ...look the person in the eye and smile kindly.....
That in between stage .... so awkward for everyone.....
What you could have done ... actually very easy :)
Simply smile at the person and make some comment about the product being sampled and ask their opinion.
Then introduce yourself ... leave it to them to volunteer their name.....
Just that moment of the most ordinary kindness would be so welcome!
 
Society is changing very quickly in some ways (not quickly enough for some, I admit, but too quickly for comfort for others) and I think men are facing a lot of questions about the "role" (for lack of a better word) of men in society, in the family, etc., etc. Some find this evolution of gender roles very threatening, and men especially - having traditionally been breadwinners, authority figures, head of the family, etc., etc. - might have a tendency to be more threatened by anything or anyone who reminds them that their role and place in society is very much in flux. A man transitioning to a woman I would think would be very touchy for some men. Like - "Wow. If John could suddenly decide he's Jane" (not saying it was sudden for John/Jane, but that it felt that way for others) "what does that say about me? Am I who I think I am? How secure is my manhood?"

I grew up in a single family household. I was an only child, my mother was the provider. In some ways that changed my expectations of gender roles in ways that a lot of my contemporaries, who still grew up even in the 70's with dads who worked and brought home the bacon, and moms who stayed home and cooked it, didn't experience. And because of that I didn't always fit in with the guys. I'm very secure in both my manhood and my heterosexuality. And yet, over the years, I've often found it easier to relate to and be close to female friends than male friends. Probably because of that I was often called things like "faggot" when I was a kid and I was often subjected to bullying. I do think part of that was jealousy because I often had some very pretty girls as friends that I spent time with! (Maybe not "girlfriends," but close friends.) But I think a lot of men have still grown up with that very traditional family structure with very defined gender roles, and they feel easily threatened by anything that threatens to change those things.

That's very true. We're getting a lot of that here in America. We have a black President and that throws a lot of people who are upset and afraid because they realize that w.a.s.p.s no longer rule the world like they did back in the "good old days". L.g.b.t.q. issues seem to throw people as well.
 
I really hope a ton of people are hearing you Rita. I can't imagine how difficult your journey has been but I think others will have a better road because of you. God bless you.
 
My questions all seem rude but I think folk are wondering.

Rita , if you live and share the bed with your wife, is this not living a lie. If you are living as partially man and partially woman
are you emotionally drained? Do you think eventually you will have to choose how you want to live - man or woman. Very tough choice.

I was also wondering if you are attracted to men?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top