Transgenderism ..... ask your questions!

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Crossed genders? Oh folk in a state of dissonance ... once known as the Eris in the dark ... psyche?

Something to be figured ... some process of nominalism progresses until we're out of it ... stuff yet to come?

Is there a coming song? God Gave IT is the rumour ... tyrants say the little people should be silent ... thus whacked out!
 
KayTheCurler said:
How can I best be constructive for a struggling young person?
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What do you wish to build? Are you building it for the young person or suggesting that the young person build it themself? I'm not clear on your intent.

KayTheCurler said:
I have always loved, and been loving towards this youngster.
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More of the same would not be a waste of time or resources.

KayTheCurler said:
In
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KayTheCurler said:
response there is a precious trust and openness towards me.
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Quite the gift. A challenge sometimes to steward such generosity of spirit.

KayTheCurler said:
Now, in High School, the struggles are around how much to share with others.
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I empathize. High School can suck big time and it is particularly difficult on those who have their support system wither in the face of conflict. At this stage, to be candid, I would be focussing attention on risk management. Sadly not all space is safe space and if being open can be used against then assume (since it is high school and we are dealing with children) it will be used to injure.

KayTheCurler said:
How much effort to put into 'fitting in' (small town).
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In many ways this is easier now than it has been in the past. One needs to worry less about fitting in and more about rocking the boat. Many "small towns" will accept the different/odd/eccentric provided it doesn't pose a threat. And people's notions about what actually constitutes a threat are changing as time marches on.

KayTheCurler said:
Most of all - how to KNOW where you fit on that sliding scale of human differences.
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Fitting in is a perenniel adolescent struggle. It isn't easy for those who have historically been in the normative range. I can hardly imagine what it would be like for those who find themselves on the margins. This is where you as safe space become invaluable.

KayTheCurler said:
I have almost no personal experience of these things to guide me.
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It can be a steep learning curve.

KayTheCurler said:
Should I be doing more than listening for understanding?
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One can rarely ever go wrong listening. Most of the damage comes from doing what ought not to be done and sometimes we are never really sure what that is. The road to hell is paved with good intentions so maybe stay off the pavement for a bit.

KayTheCurler said:
Should I initiate conversations or leave that timing to the young person?
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Initiating conversation is cool. The agenda should be primarily driven by the young person. So less where you think things should go and more a sussing out where the young person would like to go. Even as a conversation initiator you should be responding to what has already been shared.

This allows the individual to know that you remember previous conversation content and you are interested in what they have expressed an interest in.

KayTheCurler said:
Should I share my own views about where this person is on the LGBTQ2 spectrum?
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I would say not unless directly asked. It could be upsetting for an individual to be given a place on the spectrum that they are not comfortable with. Identity would be where the individual places themselves and not where others necessarily place them. The whole struggle for adolescents is to find who they really are rather than to fill expectations of others.
KayTheCurler said:
I feel like my role is important and yet have no solid ideas about how to be a help rather than a hindrance.
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If you have a good rapport then your role is important and the best way to help is to allow the adolescent situate themselves and then provide support rather than tell the adolescent where you think that they would be most comfortable. The most important thing is to celebrate who they are becoming rather than fear what they might become. Depending upon the adolescent this might be an easy discernment on their part or it may take some time.
 
revjohn said:
What do you wish to build? Are you building it for the young person or suggesting that the young person build it themself? I'm not clear on your intent.



More of the same would not be a waste of time or resources.


Quite the gift. A challenge sometimes to steward such generosity of spirit.



I empathize. High School can suck big time and it is particularly difficult on those who have their support system wither in the face of conflict. At this stage, to be candid, I would be focussing attention on risk management. Sadly not all space is safe space and if being open can be used against then assume (since it is high school and we are dealing with children) it will be used to injure.



In many ways this is easier now than it has been in the past. One needs to worry less about fitting in and more about rocking the boat. Many "small towns" will accept the different/odd/eccentric provided it doesn't pose a threat. And people's notions about what actually constitutes a threat are changing as time marches on.



Fitting in is a perenniel adolescent struggle. It isn't easy for those who have historically been in the normative range. I can hardly imagine what it would be like for those who find themselves on the margins. This is where you as safe space become invaluable.



It can be a steep learning curve.



One can rarely ever go wrong listening. Most of the damage comes from doing what ought not to be done and sometimes we are never really sure what that is. The road to hell is paved with good intentions so maybe stay off the pavement for a bit.



Initiating conversation is cool. The agenda should be primarily driven by the young person. So less where you think things should go and more a sussing out where the young person would like to go. Even as a conversation initiator you should be responding to what has already been shared.

This allows the individual to know that you remember previous conversation content and you are interested in what they have expressed an interest in.



I would say not unless directly asked. It could be upsetting for an individual to be given a place on the spectrum that they are not comfortable with. Identity would be where the individual places themselves and not where others necessarily place them. The whole struggle for adolescents is to find who they really are rather than to fill expectations of others.



If you have a good rapport then your role is important and the best way to help is to allow the adolescent situate themselves and then provide support rather than tell the adolescent where you think that they would be most comfortable. The most important thing is to celebrate who they are becoming rather than fear what they might become. Depending upon the adolescent this might be an easy discernment on their part or it may take some time.
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Many powers prefer deterrence and put down ... and thus impending recession ... no labels mentioned as some traditions would prefer to remain the same and struggle for more wealth of the dissatisfied and comfortable top ends ...

No sting no gain --- the ancient archer ... in cupid us ... incubus for short as dictated by the publisher in the tavern!

On the other hand the myth of succubus ... be cautious of that spot ... red flaggons and all! Bloody threats ...
 
Talking to my 28 year old son today. 3 folks in his age circle identify as Trans All 3 born female but now choosing non-binary. All 3 have changed their names to gender neutral ones. He seems to take it all in stride-we discussed difference between gender and attraction ( gender can change but attraction may stay the same-or not). I was surprised at the number 3. At his age I knew 0 .
 
It's my observation that when our youth group size reaches the 12-15 mark, we almost always have a transgender kid in there.
 
It wasn't as open or talked about in the seventies an eighties when I was young. I remember seeing gossipy stories in the news about trans persons but it wasn't a part of my life. Even now, I don't really have any in my circle, though I've met some. If I ever get back to the UU fellowship, I know there's a gender fluid member there (we chatted a bit last time I was there) and at least one trans kid in RE. I think it's a good thing that it is becoming more open. As more and more people have friends, family, and other associates who are trans, it will become harder and harder to exclude and bully them. That mainstream acceptance is ultimately more important than legislation in the long haul, though legislation creates the safe space for it to happen. Much as happened when gays and lesbians became more mainstream.
 
Agreed. Acceptance is slower, though, partly because we are talking about a smaller percentage of the population. If 10% of the population might veer towards "not straight", the comparable % of gender fluid folk would be about 1.
 
Jae said:
Depends on how you define a "safe place." The church would welcome transgender kids.
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But not without conditions.

I know, in fact, that the evangelical community in my City has specifically excluded trans kids from their fellowship, unless they agree to behave and dress in their "assigned birth gender" at all times.

That's not welcoming. And they know it. So they specifically know which churches, usually specifically, ours, although there are three Affirming United Churches in town, to recommend to trans kids.

And that's very good, and very fine, although they're also stuck with our loose-y, goose-y "Song of Faith" sorta theology, which some of them find very trying.

And we still can't decide what to do with the two bathrooms, currently labeled "Men" and "Women". Although a friend suggested "People Who Sit" and "People Who Stand", I'm trending towards "With Urinals", "Without Urinals"...
 
BetteTheRed said:
But not without conditions.

I know, in fact, that the evangelical community in my City has specifically excluded trans kids from their fellowship, unless they agree to behave and dress in their "assigned birth gender" at all times.

That's not welcoming. And they know it. So they specifically know which churches, usually specifically, ours, although there are three Affirming United Churches in town, to recommend to trans kids.

And that's very good, and very fine, although they're also stuck with our loose-y, goose-y "Song of Faith" sorta theology, which some of them find very trying.

And we still can't decide what to do with the two bathrooms, currently labeled "Men" and "Women". Although a friend suggested "People Who Sit" and "People Who Stand", I'm trending towards "With Urinals", "Without Urinals"...
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Sounds to me like you're projecting your city's evangelical community's stance onto my church in Toronto.

On the side issue of washrooms, we have two - neither one of which is gender-specific.
 
Oh, I doubt very much that the Ontario evangelical community varies much; the English-speaking Quebecois evangelical community certainly doesn't. They just don't even have the language.

Yes, but we have traditional multi-stall community bathrooms. It's rather different. If we had the money (but the parking lot needs to be done first), we'd install a main floor "truly accessible" (for wheelchairs, etc.) bathroom and label it "accessible/anyone" bathroom...
 
BetteTheRed said:
No s**t, Sherlock. Hardly a "safe place"...
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Good one! I love the Eris portion ... and I even have some of my mother in me as a man ... my mother was a true hater of anything that differed from her opinion ... she was ephemeral and could go off the handle on a whim ... sort of the kind of fruitcake that some stoics would like!
 
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BetteTheRed said:
Oh, I doubt very much that the Ontario evangelical community varies much; the English-speaking Quebecois evangelical community certainly doesn't. They just don't even have the language.

Yes, but we have traditional multi-stall community bathrooms. It's rather different. If we had the money (but the parking lot needs to be done first), we'd install a main floor "truly accessible" (for wheelchairs, etc.) bathroom and label it "accessible/anyone" bathroom...
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One of the blessings my Toronto church's building does have is an accessible (for wheelchairs, etc.) washroom. If I'm not mistaken, I think by law or bylaw it has to have one.
 
Jae said:
One of the blessings my Toronto church's building does have is an accessible (for wheelchairs, etc.) washroom. If I'm not mistaken, I think by law or bylaw it has to have one.
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Not out of the goodness of heart but pressured by law ... that so Jude'n ...
 
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