Someone suggested a joke thread............................

[crazyheart]

A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a
gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years his fame grew and soon people from all over
Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to
get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a
stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the
first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed,
particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact,
and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while
he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much
about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the
decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.
In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer
portrait, missus," he said " The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in
the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have
a place to wipe me brushes."

 

[Redbaron]

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet. But only for about 20 seconds. And only once.

 

[Delightful Life]

[image source: google image search]

 

[Delightful Life]

[image source: google image search]

 

[Delightful Life]

[image source: google image search]

 

[Delightful Life]

[image source: google image search]

 

[Luce NDs]

If one side of the door is green ... does that mean it is mouldy or just alive with wee things?

Darkly aesthetic? Do two darkness's create levity or is that just flint and irony ... wee sparks in a place of the Shadow?

Nobody appears to know ... as the topic is poorly looked into ... especially by residents under the Exclusion Rule ... ordinary people are not allowed to go there ... for conflict and entanglement ... ignorance is best! Thus we don't know the ultimate joke ...

Never mind it is a state that will pass ...

 

[paradox3]

Inspired by today's Jumble puzzle. . .

Q: What is the source of electricity in heaven?

A: Higher power.

 

[Luce NDs]

Could this cost ordinary people more than they thought to get into that state?

 

[Redbaron]

> >> Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was
admired
> >>for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to
> >>call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited
> >>him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
> >>
> >>As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
> >>cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
> >>in
> >>the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea
and
> >>scones, they began to chat.
> >>
> >>The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
> >>strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no
longer
> >>resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me
> >>about this?" pointing to the bowl.
> >>
> >>"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
> >>Park
> >>a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
> >>directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
> >>prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
> >>winter?"

 

[You just never know]

A new study has concluded that women who put on few extra pounds, live longer than men who mention it.

 

[Delightful Life]

just read this one in the latest Laundry novel

Hear the one aboot the dyslexic sailor?
He spent the night in the warehouse

 

[Delightful Life]

The story behind this -- artist paints the neet grafitti of roadrunner & tunnel -- sometime after, car tries to drive through...
[image source: google image search]

 

[Jaebius]

A skeleton goes into a bar and has a seat on a barstool. "What'll it be?" asks the bartender. The skeleton replies, "I'll have a beer, and a mop."

 

[Luce NDs]

Did the skeleton's hair fall out or was he just well Eire'd ?

 

[Delightful Life]

Clothing manufacturer figures out a time-saver to those practitioners of the 5-2-1 ritual

 

[Luce NDs]

Pent a' graphic imaginations ...

 

[Jaebius]

Did the skeleton's hair fall out or was he just well Eire'd ?

Deck humor of deck nice based on deck fast data deck drinker in deck tale ice a Celeron. If he swallows deck better, it will flow right drought him an cola u down on Dr florist. Rerecord he Alco orders a mop. Get it now? Whys le an guess Muse. Itch realty quite a tiny story.

 

[Luce NDs]

The people in Europe built a "nice a Celeron" ... and they entitled it CERN! It accelerates bits to light speed for destruction into infinitesimal peaces that extinguish quickly like human parts in rushing off into the heavens when experiencing OBI ... the elimination process ... and then they are light parts of the greater darkness ... Levites, or Leviathan as a great spread of ethereal matter ? People go vacuous about such concepts or suffer rapturous voids in mental activity! They can't conceive nor imagine when accepting imagination is non-essence-you-aL ... get that?

In consequence mental bubbles or brain-phar TZ! PEW sin church ...

 

[crazyheart]

On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:
"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?”