Room For All

Welcome to Wondercafe2!

A community where we discuss, share, and have some fun together. Join today and become a part of it!

Register Log in
Mendalla said:
One more day until my vacation trip begins (yay!). Won't be around much, if at all, the next couple weeks so I may be out of the loop on Pinga's father and other concerns on here. I'll be here in spirit, though, and I'll leave some good vibes (and a selection of good loose leaf teas) in the room for those who need them.

If you missed earlier mentions of this trip and want to know where I'm going, check out Last Post. ;)
Click to expand...
Have a great trip brother!
 
It was a beautiful afternoon, and I was able to spend it with family & friends at my niece's baby shower.
It was a garden party, and there were tons of babies to cuddle and people to catch up with.
It was lovely to spend time relaxing.

I left there to go to the hospital and spent 5 hrs with my Dad. He no longer has one-on-one care. His anxiety increases as the night goes on.

Beginning of life and end of life, and there are similarities as we looked at how you settle. Remembering there is no point in trying to use logic with babies / toddlers (well, there are techniques for each age, and the techniques are similar for a 91year old who is delusional as there is for a 1yr old.)

I remember the exhaustion of being a new mom, and having tried everything that I could think of to settle a wee one. Not much different from running out of ideas with a 91yr old. trying to figure out appropriate care for your child, ....or for your dad. Encouraging them to eat, watching them spit out food.

yup, even potty talk.
 
Pinga, I have a friend who's going through something similar with her elderly brother. She rang me in tears today because 1. He didn't know who she was when she visited, and 2. His daughter-in-law pulled her aside and said that she and his son could no longer care for him as he had made sexual advances to her -his daughter-in-law!
 
Seelerboy has been home for an entire month, for the first time in four years. A very pleasant, relaxed visit. It was nice having him around the house. One afternoon Seelergirl dropped in after work and, since her Pete was working overtime, she stayed for dinner. As we dug in,, she asked 'How long has it been since the four of us sat around the table like this, each in our usual place, no partners, no kids, just us?' We like the extended family (grandkids, Pete, a niece) but on that day it felt right and good that it should just be US, our little original family..
 
That is lovely, Seeler. I can only begin to imagine how treasured those meals are.

********************
@PilgrimsProgress , yes, that is hard. Hah, tell her I was the dog for a while the other week. Or even better, that "You can't be <insertmyname>. She has dark hair and isn't as fat as you". or how about.....Pinga "is dressing up in Hallowe'en costumes. She is pretending to be a nurse. She comes as a man. She and her team have me locked in a prison". or "you don't give a s**t". (that was last night, as I was leaving after 5 hours of trying to help the time go by and help him settle.

We shall see what the experts say today. My guess is they will seek a different type of location for him to be moved to. He doesn't need hospitalization. He is lucid (or reasonably lucid) most of the day.

Regarding the sexual advances.....yup, he made them to me when he didn't know who I was. He heavily flirts and makes inappropriate comments to nurses when aware. Off the top. It made me nervous about his placement with vulnerable women in a home. The filters seem to be off, but, also, something else going on.
 
I'm sitting here reading about the problems of growing old (and seeing my not-to-distant future) and I remember the joke? about the only way to avoid old age is to die young. My parents died at age 40 and 56; Seelerman's father died when Seelerman was 7 or 8, leaving his wife to raise seven boys alone. Her health remained good until she reached 79, and she died quite soon after being diagnosed with cancer.
I think of the support that I've given my children over the years and the love I've given my grandchildren, and I think how my family missed that support - and how my grandchildren never knew three of their grandparents and only saw their grandmother occasionally (she lived in another province). I'm sure there are advantages to having parents, not only during your childhood and teens but into adulthood, and advantages to having grandparents.
Then I read about those of you who are struggling with elderly parents. I just can't imagine how it must hurt to see them acting out of character, and not even know you.
Please Lord, don't let me become a burden to my children.
 
Seeler said:
I'm sitting here reading about the problems of growing old (and seeing my not-to-distant future) and I remember the joke? about the only way to avoid old age is to die young. My parents died at age 40 and 56; Seelerman's father died when Seelerman was 7 or 8, leaving his wife to raise seven boys alone. Her health remained good until she reached 79, and she died quite soon after being diagnosed with cancer.
I think of the support that I've given my children over the years and the love I've given my grandchildren, and I think how my family missed that support - and how my grandchildren never knew three of their grandparents and only saw their grandmother occasionally (she lived in another province). I'm sure there are advantages to having parents, not only during your childhood and teens but into adulthood, and advantages to having grandparents.
Then I read about those of you who are struggling with elderly parents. I just can't imagine how it must hurt to see them acting out of character, and not even know you.
Please Lord, don't let me become a burden to my children.
Click to expand...


Possibly due to isolation in parenting? Then there are some individuals that seem to have no skills in such simple acts as parenting ... requiring many simple concerns all collected in sophisticated ways ...

Have respect for the mother and father ... you may learn how to do things ... or even how not to ... opposing variants confuse some persona of limited spread of thought! The ankh, or stretch to complete ... some find to be pathological ... or a painful comprehension as logic!
 
Pinga said:
That is lovely, Seeler. I can only begin to imagine how treasured those meals are.

********************
@PilgrimsProgress , yes, that is hard. Hah, tell her I was the dog for a while the other week. Or even better, that "You can't be <insertmyname>. She has dark hair and isn't as fat as you". or how about.....Pinga "is dressing up in Hallowe'en costumes. She is pretending to be a nurse. She comes as a man. She and her team have me locked in a prison". or "you don't give a s**t". (that was last night, as I was leaving after 5 hours of trying to help the time go by and help him settle.

We shall see what the experts say today. My guess is they will seek a different type of location for him to be moved to. He doesn't need hospitalization. He is lucid (or reasonably lucid) most of the day.

Regarding the sexual advances.....yup, he made them to me when he didn't know who I was. He heavily flirts and makes inappropriate comments to nurses when aware. Off the top. It made me nervous about his placement with vulnerable women in a home. The filters seem to be off, but, also, something else going on.
Click to expand...
Pinga, my heart goes out to you, these circumstances are daunting for sure, I admire the love you have for your Dad that keeps you involved. One thought, have you approached the doctors about a medication review? Such as any new meds that were added recently that coincide with different behaviors or sudden behavioral onsets? Some medications that may work better? Some that need to be removed/adjusted/or added? Tests for blood levels such as Digoxin levels, lithium levels, etc.....? (too low?or too high can lead to toxicities)
 
Pinga said:
He has a wonderful geriatric team who review meds, and umpteen tests.

We are lucky to be at a reasonable sized city with solid care
Click to expand...
That's wonderful Pinga. I hope you are getting some rest in the midst of all this, blessings.
 
Seeler said:
I'm sitting here reading about the problems of growing old (and seeing my not-to-distant future) and I remember the joke? about the only way to avoid old age is to die young. My parents died at age 40 and 56; Seelerman's father died when Seelerman was 7 or 8, leaving his wife to raise seven boys alone. Her health remained good until she reached 79, and she died quite soon after being diagnosed with cancer.
I think of the support that I've given my children over the years and the love I've given my grandchildren, and I think how my family missed that support - and how my grandchildren never knew three of their grandparents and only saw their grandmother occasionally (she lived in another province). I'm sure there are advantages to having parents, not only during your childhood and teens but into adulthood, and advantages to having grandparents.
Then I read about those of you who are struggling with elderly parents. I just can't imagine how it must hurt to see them acting out of character, and not even know you.
Please Lord, don't let me become a burden to my children.
Click to expand...
It's not just a problem with growing old sadly. Dealing with someone fairly young in my extended family.
 
I do relate to Pinga and anyone who is a care giver. Very difficult. I wonder about

the father, mother who have no siblings. Who helps them. I t is sad.

Seeler. treasure each of these days.
 
I hope my daughter will question ... as my aging mind wanders beyond what is mortally acceptable!

However if you trust your professionals ... sob eit ... I weib and wobble ...
 
Luce, I wonder after reading your post, if you think that we have left it in the hands of the professionals.
The professionals are part of the team, which includes family and friends trying to figure out what is going on, when it happened, what the patterns are, etc.
It is not something x-ray'd or tested, as the patterns shift.

So, yes, we work together.
 
Seeler, it is never a burden to care for a parent in old age. I spent a lot of time with my Mom in her later years because we lived together, until complete inability to bear weight (the eventual result of a stroke) forced her into long term care. There, I was her advocate with staff, more necessary than normal because she'd lost most of her speech capacity due to the stroke, although I could always pick up most of what she was trying to convey. I always thought it something of a privilege to accompany her on the last part of the life journey the way she had accompanied me during my vulnerable first years. I walked with my Dad through his last years, too, and was often glad that my workplace was right next to the hospital. It is sometimes hard, it is often painful, it is a duty of a child to a parent, I think, that we all accept to some degree, depending on circumstance/birth order, etc. And if you don't have a relationship with a biological, but absent, parent, it becomes different, I'm sure.
 
Bette, I'm glad caring for your parents was a privilege and not a burden for you. That is not always the case.
It can be a stretch caring for both aging parents and young or needy children, let alone juggling work and health issues oneself or for one's spouse.
And it can be both a privilege and a burden.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top