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I wish that I had the answer, Chansen. I have worked through anxiety with folks...and some I could help, and others, I had to just suggest they find another career path. The fear of making a change in production was just too overwhelming for them even when strategies were put in place.

I have also seen folks develop anxiety where previously there wasn't any -- I am sure there are folks here who will have much more wisdom in that area, than I do.

Congrats on your try and risk taking.
 
Seeler, I'm planning to read it on the way home, or this weekend. It is calling me, but, I have work to do now...and so am happy to have it waiting for me.
 
I have heard people talking about the difficulties they had with the grieving journey - uphill, downhill, flying for a while, falling in a mud pit - over and over and over. It is a messy and disorganised thing, I think. I wish no one had to go through it because it HURTS.

Sounds like Claire is really finding it hard going right now. My guess is that it makes things more painful for you when she is struggling. Childhood is full of 'stages' at the best of times, often hard to understand and live through. For your family it must be even tougher when a 'stage' occurs and no-one really knows the 'best' way to handle it, whether it is 'normal' or 'grief related'.

On the plus side - from what you have shared Claire is a smart and resourceful child who shares her thoughts and feelings with you. Many children don't have those advantages. My bet is - she will grow up to be empathetic and pursue education in something that appeals to her. Let her talk.

That was some major airbag you skied onto! Not my style - but my some of my kids would have loved it. They used to build ski jumps with planks and hay bales that were enough to make this mother's hair start turning grey.
 
@Pinga - I totally feel your frustration on that one. I hope your Dad will be alright.
@chansen - sounds like you've got good stuff going on! Don't forget - when it comes to the cautiousness there's positive things that come with it too. My sister and I were opposites that way, and while she had some good times with risk taking behaviour, there are times a little caution and thinking things through would have had some better outcomes. I skied slowly, but I also never ran into a tree :)
 
It's really about her not trying, and refusing instruction. She has just become more timid since Carter's death.

Me, I'm trying 720s and riding my bike into trees. Carter keeps pushing me, asking me why I'm scared, and telling me that he could do it by now, so what's my excuse? He's really annoying.
 
chansen said:
It's really about her not trying, and refusing instruction. She has just become more timid since Carter's death.

Me, I'm trying 720s and riding my bike into trees. Carter keeps pushing me, asking me why I'm scared, and telling me that he could do it by now, so what's my excuse? He's really annoying.
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You are both dealing with grief differently. It is that way with all people. And there are some unique differences in the two of you - she is a child/you are an adult; she is female/you are male; she has lost a sibling and is now the only living child/you have lost a son. And personality and character plays a role also.

She may just need some time - at such a young age she has had the "imortality of humankind" thrown at her - she has lost somewhere very close to her, and it is very real - not a lot of children have to face this kind of loss, most people not at such an early age. She may be anxious and perhaps a bit fearful because she is thinking about her own life.

Grieving is hard - and my heart continues to go out to your family.
 
crazyheart said:
@chansen. I was wondering how Claire is doing in school? Have the teachers noticed anything different?
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She gets a little more leeway, which she needs less and less. She is, according to her teacher, the best student in the class. I bet she says that to all the parents. Still, she is a grade 2 who reads at a grade 4 level, has an instinct for numbers, and an understanding of scientific principles that is pretty impressive. So, if I'm allowed to brag for a moment, she is awesome. Just not athletically aggressive. But, at moments, when she decides, she can be. She's string for her age. She can run. But she refuses to learn to ski properly or ride a bike, for example.

If I had to choose, I'd go for the kid who has zero academic challenges but struggles with self-confidence and anxiety in sports, than the other way 'round.
 
Beloved said:
You are both dealing with grief differently. It is that way with all people. And there are some unique differences in the two of you - she is a child/you are an adult; she is female/you are male; she has lost a sibling and is now the only living child/you have lost a son. And personality and character plays a role also.

She may just need some time - at such a young age she has had the "imortality of humankind" thrown at her - she has lost somewhere very close to her, and it is very real - not a lot of children have to face this kind of loss, most people not at such an early age. She may be anxious and perhaps a bit fearful because she is thinking about her own life.

Grieving is hard - and my heart continues to go out to your family.
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And that's crossed our minds as well. We let her know early on that she has been tested, and her heart is fine. She gets it, but understanding and internalizing are different things.

Gotta go get reno work done. Tallied my costs last night. Ouch.
 
Are you planning on riding your bike in that shower??? LOL - sound huge to me, who lives in house built in the 1920s :-)
chansen said:
If I had to choose, I'd go for the kid who has zero academic challenges but struggles with self-confidence and anxiety in sports, than the other way 'round.
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That's the tough thing - you don't get to choose - but it's an insightful statement you make here. I wonder if it scares her to see you doing things she at some level feels are dangerous or risky. Her brother died almost a year ago, and she wants to make sure you're going to be around in the future. Maybe this is the year to just go slow and ski with her at whatever speed she feels comfortable - spending time together & enjoying being outside, instead of being achievement oriented as a racing class would be.

When my mom died, my son was about 12 years old. He loved summer camp, but that year really balked, although already registered. We at first encouraged him to attend, then after discussion with him agreed to withdraw. He just needed to be home with us until the world felt a little safer to him. He went back the next summer, and for years thereafter.

Personally, I can relate to not being a speed demon on skiis or bikes! And I also am much happier watching others on roller coasters than going on one myself. It's okay! Not everyone is an adrenaline junkie. I still loved the years I skied - puttering along where I felt comfortable and happy, not on the edge of terror :-)
 
Carolla said:
Are you planning on riding your bike in that shower??? LOL - sound huge to me, who lives in house built in the 1920s :)
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This house is massive. The basement alone is ~1600 sq.ft. The cold cellar is almost 100 sq.ft. Finishing this basement is like building a house, except no roof or exterior wall veneer. I even cut in a new window for the bedroom, for light and emergency egress.

Carolla said:
That's the tough thing - you don't get to choose - but it's an insightful statement you make here. I wonder if it scares her to see you doing things she at some level feels are dangerous or risky. Her brother died almost a year ago, and she wants to make sure you're going to be around in the future. Maybe this is the year to just go slow and ski with her at whatever speed she feels comfortable - spending time together & enjoying being outside, instead of being achievement oriented as a racing class would be.
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I really don't think it's worry about injury. She cheers me on. She even likes speed in some cases, and driving with me as I use the handbrake and drift around corners in the snow. With no one around, of course.

As she gets socially acclimated to her group, she should come around. And again, it isn't about speed. I don't care if she goes slow. She can do so while skiing well, and it would be easier and safer than skiing everywhere in a wedge. To do that, she has to open herself up to coaching. There are moments when she does. Hopefully, they become more frequent.

Carolla said:
When my mom died, my son was about 12 years old. He loved summer camp, but that year really balked, although already registered. We at first encouraged him to attend, then after discussion with him agreed to withdraw. He just needed to be home with us until the world felt a little safer to him. He went back the next summer, and for years thereafter.

Personally, I can relate to not being a speed demon on skiis or bikes! And I also am much happier watching others on roller coasters than going on one myself. It's okay! Not everyone is an adrenaline junkie. I still loved the years I skied - puttering along where I felt comfortable and happy, not on the edge of terror :)
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I'm kinda bored with it unless I'm racing. Same with bikes. I need the competition. I need to be against the another competitor or the clock.
 
chansen said:
I'm kinda bored with it unless I'm racing. Same with bikes. I need the competition. I need to be against the another competitor or the clock.
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For sure you & I would be on different runs :-) Then we'd meet at the lodge at the end of the day to share stories & have a drink by the fireplace!

My kids used to go off to snowboard on their own & occasionally come back to find me puttering along - we'd share some time & then off they'd go again at top speed - all of us being happy about that! A big accomplishment for me was to finally get up enough courage to ski a blue run at Mont St. Anne so I could go to the maple sugar shack with them & try night skiing - somehow the green runs weren't lit at night o_O
 
after much angst My youngest Finally retrieved his math mark from upgrading at college. He did pass the course! He has now met the requirements for gr. 12 in BC.. next is to get transcript to high school and apply for diploma. He's not happy as the course he wants to take in college requires 65% in math-but I say a mark in the 50s and a high school diploma is worth something. He has also taken and passed Biology last term.
 
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