Please try to stick by me.

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That is quite the s**t buffet you have been sitting at.

Hope we can help you push away from the table some.

I would like to say we can find you a better restaurant to dine from. The reality is the best we can offer is that you don't eat this meal alone.
 
Crazyheart, words fail me when I try to express what you have meant to me since I first met you on WonderCafe. So often while I was pondering my answer to a post you would come up with just the right words to express what I wanted to say. I understood your problems with your minister because I had gone through a similar situation with my minister and my part time position at my church. Your posts and private messages and phone calls helped me through some rough spots in my life. I was delighted to meet you and share a meal with you and Morley on my second trip out west.

Your opening posts and thoughtful discussion starters, as well as your sense of humour, and genuine interest kept this site meaningful for us all. Whiny? You? You certainly didn't come across as whiny. In fact your restraint in posting about your cancer seems remarkable to me, especially when I remember some of my rants when dealing with my daughter's cancer. And I know that you refrained for some time mentioning Morley's Parkinsons because you knew of my worries following my diagnosis. (mine is much milder and slower to progress than Morley's was - and I don't have the complications.)

You are a true friend, a delightful personality, a strong person. We need you. And we are here to support you in any way we can.
 
Stress ... the panacea bought on by modern industry and busy-ness who abandoned the sense of relaxation syndrome ...

Is there an interim situation? Mettle on the roof ...
 
crazyheart said:
I am convinced that stress and cancer go hand
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They are definitely connected. Cancer diagnosis causes stress. And stress never made dealing with Cancer easier.

Crazyheart said:
He accomplished what he set out to do.
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Hard to imagine any minister sets ruining somebody else's ministry as a goal for tbeir ministry.

And even if that is true I cannot imagine how dwelling on it helps to reduce stress.

Let it go and hold on to what keeps you afloat or hold onto it and continue to get pulled under.

Crazyheart said:
So much happened in such a short time I knew I was not a good caregiver.
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bulls**t.

You were overwhelmed by a perfect storm of crap. Who wouldn't be in the same circumstance? You are human not superhuman.

As human your endurance and resources are finite.

You were drained of both. You couldn't do better because you didn't have more to give.

I suggest you forgive yourself and focus on what is on your plate right now.

Crazyheart said:
caused me to get cancer the second time.(IMO)
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Believing that I would think that you would invest more time in stress management.

Crazyheart said:
I feel isolated and my whole support is my family and my few friends that are left and my dear friends on Wonder Café 2
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Is that going to be enough or do you require more?

Crazyheart said:
I get anxious and emotional and that irritates my breathing.
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Yeah, all the more reason for stress management. Get professional help with that.

Crazyheart said:
I am always whining. Please bear with me,
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No.

If you want help dealing then lets work on what can be changed. If you want us to facilitate self-pity I hope non are willing to oblige.

You have a lot to morn. You can choose to do that at the expense of your more pressing health concerns or you can put it off until you actually have the resources to deal eith it in a healthy manner.

I don't envy you the tough spot you find yourself in. You can't get out of a whole by digging deeper.

In an ideal world you would have all the time you need to deal with one issue before having to deal with the next one.

It not being a perfect world you need to prioritize and since the most pressing concern, from where I sit is your own health, you need to make dealing with that your priority.

Get some help managing stress.
Forgive yourself for being merely human.
Learn from the past do not live in it.
Let others carry some of your burden.

Be calm.
Be quiet. ( That is not me saying shut up.)
Find peace.
 
@crazyheart , @revjohn 's post reminded me of a service that may be offered at your hospital. It is basically a social worker / therapist for cancer patients. Person is advised based on what you are trying to process. I went at Juravinski as just was not sure about something and wanted to talk it through, and it wasn't something to talk about on wondercafe, or elsewhere.

Anyhow, I found it ok. Went once, just talking it through was enough.
 
You have had such a hard slog this past while. I am so glad you shared your worries

I imagine there is a lot of worry and stress right now as you wait. I hope that you will reach out for physical “in person “ support. From family, the friends nearby, professionals.

You mention friends drifting away. Sometimes all it takes is reaching out to them. A phone call or an invitation to come for tea.

Before my mother died we had a system set up for her to continue to contact friends

She called someone every day. A sibling, a child, a neighbour.

I wonder, could you make a list of people who you care about? And set a goal of contacting one of them every day?



Peace be with you
 
Oh CH you are carrying a tough load. I'm saddened to know that someone who has been such an integral part of this community is hurting so deeply. I am glad you reached out. I would never consider that whining. Though, you do have many good reasons to whine if you so chose. :love:

Others have made great suggestions about reaching out to professionals or supports in your community. Don't be afraid to ask your family to help you find those extra supports.

I appreciate your humour and kindness that you've added to this community.

Sending you prayers and hugs.
 
I admire your courage and trust in sharing what is happening in your journey. Thank you for welcoming me back. I hope rest and love can help you find the peace and strength you need.
 
I've never met you personally, crazyheart, but in all the years I've known you on WC and WC2 and Facebook one word I would never have thought of to describe you is a whiner. It isn't whining to turn to a community of caring people and share your burdens. Those who care want to share your burdens, so don't ever feel guilty or feel that you're whining by doing so.

As to the rest, I'm sorry how your time in ministry ended. The blunt reality is that some ordained ministers are a**holes. Not me, of course. I'm a sweetheart and always a joy to be around. But some ... Yeah. Being bullied leaves scars. Scars are wounds that have healed, but they leave a visible mark.

As for your abilities as a caregiver. When we love people who have great challenges to deal with it's natural that we feel inadequate. We want to take others' problems away, and when we can't do that we do feel inadequate. I feel somewhat inadequate in my ability to provide assistance to you right now. But feeling inadequate and being inadequate are two very different things. We do our best. We do what we're able to do, and we can't hold ourselves responsible for not doing things that we weren't able to do in a particular situation. I suspect that you were a wonderful caregiver. You just have difficulty seeing that. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Come here any time to share about your health concerns or other worries. We'll be here for you. Be gentle on yourself.
 
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