My apologies for not writing sooner, as I was away at the Uniting theological college......
Crazyheart, when I rang you last week and you told me your sad news I felt a bit confused. I've been thinking about you a lot this past week -and trying to come to terms with this world we live in that is so different to the world we both grew up in. I was confused because I felt just as concerned as I would for my "real" friends back here in Oz.
But, thanks to the internet, I have had the chance to meet many of you also in "real" life.
I have never actually met you - but we have had numerous conversations on the phone - in Canada and now Australia.
So, possum, I admit to feeling both upset and concerned for you......
You whiny? You are the least whiny person I know. I can say, without a doubt, that in all the time I have known you only one (1) person hinted to me that you were whiny.
You guessed it - it was the roofer. I must confess on his last visit to me he mentioned that when he took you out for a Big Mac at McDonalds-Regina, (or it might have been a Happy Meal - did you have a coke and large fries???). Seems he let slip that he was coming to Oz to see me and you said to him, "What again??" in a whiny voice.
So, no more fretting about this ridiculous whining business!
Please don't fret about not being a good carer. As a carer and widow myself, I understand what you're saying. There are times when we get physically and mentally exhausted and we become impatient and irritated with what is required of us. But, why concentrate on those few moments compared to a lifetime of love and fulfilment? Love is not like in the movies - at times it's messy-and, yes, tragic. But, we both know that the life we shared with our husbands was a central part of our lives.
Now for some practical advice. Spend a lot of free time online. It will help in two ways -first you'll see how much you're valued, and secondly, it can distract you from worrying -which, let's be honest here -having cancer is worrying.
Allow yourself to feel all your emotions. Yes, it can be painful, -but here's the thing - if you cut-off your negative emotions you also can cut-off your positive emotions. Anger is an emotion that troubles me -especially when I can't contain it and let fly at someone. So I guess the aim is to feel the anger, without giving vent to it?
You and I are resilient old birds because we have a sense of humour - if you want to laugh you also have to know how to cry.
Finally, here's a challenge for you..... Try and think up a new thread here at least once a week.
Arms around you my friend. I'm here. I'm impressed that you are able to talk about this so knowledgeably and calmly. I do hope that you get the experimental treatment and reap the benefits of being a 'ginnea pig' in developing a new and better treatment. Keep posting.