Open Caskets

[crazyheart]

How do you feel about open caskets. I have been at a few funerals like this. The ones I have officiate at were always closed or with an urn.

What would you want?

Would you take pictures?

Just wondering.

 

[Carolla]

I have been to all of the above.

When my husband's father died in 1975 - Italian family - his mom asked him to take photos of his dad in the open casket. At first I thought this was really weird & disturbing - but then understood that she wanted these to send to family in Italy, so it made more sense. It was not an unusual tradition for them - just for me.

Personally, I'm opting for organ donation, then cremation. So possibly the urn would be at the funeral, possibly not. Doesn't matter to me really.

 

[chansen]

How do you feel about open caskets. I have been at a few funerals like this. The ones I have officiate at were always closed or with an urn.

What would you want?

Would you take pictures?

Just wondering.

From Weird Al's "Tacky":

I would live Tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased.​

I hate open casket. Faded memories are better than what morticians can come up with.

 

[Beloved]

While I don't like open casket at the actual funeral service, I do like to go when there is a visitation, or as they say "viewing". For me there is a certain amount of closure in doing so. I was with my dad when he passed away, and so didn't want to go, nor thought I needed to go, to the visitation. But I felt after it was all over that I wished I had gone. I know it is not for everyone, but to me, especially if it is somebody close to me, I have this need.

Some will say "I don't want to remember them that way", or "that will be how I always remember them". I understand for some it is that way, but that is not the way it is for me. I remember my loved ones in a variety of ways and mental pictures, and that is only one of them.

I recently attended a funeral (and have been to others) where the casket was open up front until the service started. I guess this was their way of allowing others to have this opportunity. It didn't bother me, but my hubby kept his eyes down the whole time. But it wasn't open for the whole service. Personally I prefer it not to be open for the entire service.

I personally wouldn't take pictures, nor would I want anyone taking pictures of me when I am dead. But again, I understand that for some, especially those whose "tradition" it is to do so . . . or as they used to say "to send to family in the old country" . . . that this is a particular kind of need. I don't think as much as what they used to. I remember as a child seeing pictures at my granny's house of some of her family in caskets.

 

[ChemGal]

I've been two 2 funerals. One was open casket. I was a mid-teen. My mom told me I didn't have to look, but I felt like it was more respectful to, otherwise what was the point in walking up. It made me feel a bit light headed as he was that sickly, pale look and I had expected the makeup to cover that up.
I think a casket was at the other and not an urn, but if that's the case it wasn't open.

I don't really care what happens to my body. I would be fine with donating it for research, but the med school cadaver thing isn't something I'm totally comfortable with. I picture a casket. Carrying around a urn just seems weird to me, but whatever my family would want is fine. Open vs. closed casket I have no preference.

 

[ChemGal]

I recently attended a funeral (and have been to others) where the casket was open up front until the service started. I guess this was their way of allowing others to have this opportunity. It didn't bother me, but my hubby kept his eyes down the whole time. But it wasn't open for the whole service. Personally I prefer it not to be open for the entire service.

That's what the first funeral I went to was like, but I didn't think people could actually see the body throughout the service. It wasn't until you were up at the casket. Maybe it's different if people are taller and in the first row.

 

[GordW]

AS a matter of course the casket is closed before the service. In some traditions it is also covered with a cloth (pall). In a military setting possibly a flag.

 

[crazyheart]

AS a matter of course the casket is closed before the service. In some traditions it is also covered with a cloth (pall). In a military setting possibly a flag.

True, but it is open at the front of the church until just before the service starts.

 

[GordW]

True, but it is open at the front of the church until just before the service starts.

rarely in my experience. If the casket is going to be open beforehand it is often in a different place until being closed -- assuming the building has the room for that to happen.

 

[Jaebius]

I want to be buried at sea. No need for a casket.

 

[Seeler]

Beloved - you took my thoughts and expressed them better than I could myself.

For me, the traditional funeral has an open casket for visitation. It is often open in at the front of the church before the service - occasionally someone who wasn't at the visitation will go up to the casket, perhaps for a brief silent prayer or to murmur goodbye, before taking their seats. Then it is closed before the family comes in and the funeral begins.
I have also been to funerals where the casket is closed, or where there is an urn, or sometimes just a photo of the person - maybe taken at a special occasion when they were well and enjoying life. Nothing wrong with any of these.
Taking pictures of the casket (either opened or closed) is not part of my tradition; but I can understand it - especially if some of those close to the deceased are unable to attend the funeral.

For me - tradition is open at visitation; closed for the funeral - no pictures taken at this time
But whatever the family chooses is right for them, is also ok with me.

 

[revjohn]

How do you feel about open caskets.

They are both easier to get into and get out of than closed ones. Particularly if the door is locked shut.

I have been at a few funerals like this. The ones I have officiate at were always closed or with an urn.

Likewise, I have only seen caskets open for visitation.

What would you want?

That is an ominous question. What are you planning?

Would you take pictures?

What when I'm dead? I don't think so. Dead men don't take pictures.

If you meant would I take pictures of dead people? It would depend on whether or not I really need constant reassurance that somebody is dead or if I really enjoyed the reminder that the individual is dead. Now that I think about it people I feel that strongly about are probably the reason why I'd miss the visitation and funeral because of an ongoing criminal investigation.

I certainly wouldn't take pictures at the scene! That would be very incriminating.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Different cultures have very different customs and rituals. As a very small child in another country I remember seeing my grandfather's open coffin on two chairs in the living room. Neighbors wandered in and out as they felt the need. In Canada I have attended funerals with open and closed coffins, plain and fancy urns and no urn at all.

I really don't think there is a 'right' way to conduct a funeral (or a wedding). Those claiming to want a 'traditional wedding' usually don't know what tradition they have in mind! Do they mean 'a typical poor person's wedding?, or a 'typical Royal wedding?, or maybe 'a traditional 1st Nation wedding'?

Sorry - that is totally off topic (but a bit connected, I think).

 

[Lastpointe]

I do believe that most funeral directors will suggest or even encourage an open casket if the body is intact.

I have a friend who is a funeral director and he has had more than a couple of funerals where, closed casket and after the fact the family needs to see body Some even go as far as exhuming the casket.

All part of the grief process and the "I can't really believe he is dead" issue.


My dad , we had open at the parlor and closed at church as noted above

My mom, the service was going to be in two months due to family being scattered across the globe when she died.

My brother and I visited her at the funeral parlor , we had her cremated and then just her ashes at the actual service

I don't find it creepy to view a body. In many ways I find it respectful to be able to say goodbye.


But it is definitely cultural. It isn't so very long ago that bodies were placed in the family home parlor room for all to visit and have some food with.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Well, we can be lucky, we don't keep the dead relatives around as long as some people in Indonesia.
See the TED talk here, where people live with their relatives body for a year. http://www.ted.com/talks/kelli_swazey_life_that_doesn_t_end_with_death. ( not sure if this link will work, first time I am trying this)

 

[Mystic]

I had an Irish friend who lost a brother. Kieran said they didn't embalm where he lived and one young brother could not be contacted because he was randomly traveling throughout India. By the time, the family contacted him and he returned home to Ireland, the corpse was turning black in his living room! After the funeral, the brothers dug the grave themselves. No funeral director's aid! Kieran said it was important to his family to keep every step of death and burial as natural as possible to facilitate the healthiest possible grief process with no denial.

 

[Ceolach]

I have mixed feelings on this. I have had both open and closed during the visitation. (Always closed for the service.)

At my grandmother's visitation, the lid was open DESPITE her instructions to the contrary. When approached, the funeral director denied he had instructions for a closed casket, and called for a family vote. It was unanimous: closed.

A year earlier, at my father's visitation, the lid was closed as per his wishes, but his mother was beside herself with greif that she couldn't see her son. We had a private viewing for her.

I can see where some people need to have an open casket -- not do much for the reassurance their loved one really is gone ( though in some instances this may be the case), but for the "closure" of the final goodbye.

 

[Delightful Life]

I had an Irish friend who lost a brother. Kieran said they didn't embalm where he lived and one young brother could not be contacted because he was randomly traveling throughout India. By the time, the family contacted him and he returned home to Ireland, the corpse was turning black in his living room! After the funeral, the brothers dug the grave themselves. No funeral director's aid! Kieran said it was important to his family to keep every step of death and burial as natural as possible to facilitate the healthiest possible grief process with no denial.

did they put him in an oak whiskey cask for future good water of life imbibing?

 

[Waterfall]

My mother's casket was open for a private viewing with immediate family and closed for the general visitation and funeral. A picture was placed on her coffin. My fathers visitation and funeral was held in the church with the casket closed and a picture placed on top also. My sister and niece's funeral was the same situation as my Mom except my sister was cremated afterward. I remember my father took pictures of my mother in her casket, which at 17, completely grossed me out. (not so much now, odd that out of the four kids, I have the pics, go figure). People grieve in different ways as far as I'm concerned and need to do what they need to do to get through it.

Similar to Lastpoint, I don't have a problem with viewing the body of a loved one. I've had to wash many before they go to the funeral home in my profession. (one just last week) Personally I like the Muslim tradition of the family washing and preparing the body.

 

[ChemGal]

Similar to Lastpoint, I don't have a problem with viewing the body of a loved one. I've had to wash many before they go to the funeral home in my profession. (one just last week) Personally I like the Muslim tradition of the family washing and preparing the body.

Depends on the cause of death though. I don't know if it's religious or just cultural, but touching the body is contributing to the current Ebola outbreak. How do you get people to alter traditions like that?