Why Not Choose to Die If you're

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It says in some strange tome ... that when the pain is too much something will allow it tobe forgotten; anodyne?

Alcohol sometimes is used to extract the vegetable matter .. and off it goes ... rye sowell leaving ... some say sol ... adding to the flame of what's myst ... that one in the smoky veil? John's myth ... a whole society built on that ... a mystery without end ... fey and flighty as Ephraim ...
 
If pain was going to be the only reality I'd probably wonder myself.

There will still be an ability to create new memories for ourselves and for our loved ones. Why bail on that earlier than necessary?
 
I was to a funeral yesterday - a former bowler. The deceased had had dementia and then cancer. Her husband looked after her at home until the end. He reached out for a hug, and he was so thin it was like hugging a bag of bones; his face the colour of ashes. Her sister also drawn and tired. Those close to her remarked on how she had suffered, and that they wouldn't want her back. I wonder if those last month or so was worth the suffering.
 
Seeler said:
I was to a funeral yesterday - a former bowler. The deceased had had dementia and then cancer. Her husband looked after her at home until the end. He reached out for a hug, and he was so thin it was like hugging a bag of bones; his face the colour of ashes. Her sister also drawn and tired. Those close to her remarked on how she had suffered, and that they wouldn't want her back. I wonder if those last month or so was worth the suffering.
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Tis a source of wonder ... rite?
 
I explained my views when I was here previously and am awestruck a bit that I decided to wander over here after a tough couple of weeks.

I believe that people should be given the choice to live or leave. I no longer want to live in pain - yup, it's psychological pain and somehow that doesn't count. I get better for a few months..kinda, sometimes and then I pitch into darkness or incredible agitation. I feel like I have been treated poorly by the medical system and have no reason to suspect that there are any other options. I'm more sad than bitter and somewhat bewildered because I just do not understand. I've been told that there are no further medical interventions left that it's all about skills. I am doing skills to the best of my ability - from time to time people actually marvel at my "skillfulness" yet the pain is indescribable. I have a dx that apparently gives people carte blanche to say that I do not deserve treatment that I am somehow asking for this (and to threaten to tie me down to a bed without being able to tell me what I have done wrong - I have neer been violent). It's awful. Right now I am in my right mind. I want out. I am totally at peace with this decision yet I cannot legally discuss it with my husband or have a humane way of bowing out gracefully and I totally think that is a disgrace. I can muddle through but I hate/can't stand being this uncomfortable - yes, I have some amazing times, having amazing people in my life, love hard and put my all into living but the pain is unbearable. For me, the answer is to leave. I understand that for others the good moments are enough to get them through the bad and I admire that. I don't think my Dad would have chosen to die had he been given the choice - he fought hard to live. It's a personal decision and one that can be so hard to accept.

I'm sorry that you are in psychic pain and I'm sorry someone close to you is suffering.
 
Pinga said:
AAh @Justme . I know you personally and know that you are a deep and critical thinker.
I don't want you to decide that, but, I also recognize that you have the right to decide it.

Let me just sit wiht you for a while here.
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Thanks Pinga - that means a lot coming from someone whose strength I have admired and respected. And given the cr@ppy week you are having.

I'm ok. Nothing will happen tonight. My goal was to last until November 2018 but the pain is much too high right now. I want to sit still. I want to rest and I just do not know how to make this happen.

I just wish I had answers as to how someone (me) who feels like she tries so hard can become so defective and not seen as a human being worthy of treatment or compassion while at the same time being told that she cannot leave because people would feel bad.

Last year we spent about $20k in unreimburseable medical expenses - my husband never complains about this.
 
@Justme I'm really sorry that you're in that much pain. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. I get frustrated with the medical system too, although at least with me I get compassion, it can just be very misplaced. You deserve dignity and compassion with dealing with it and are of course deserving of beneficial treatment. I am glad I've gotten to know you here.

What is the significance of November 2018 to you?
 
ChemGal said:
@Justme I'm really sorry that you're in that much pain. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. I get frustrated with the medical system too, although at least with me I get compassion, it can just be very misplaced. You deserve dignity and compassion with dealing with it and are of course deserving of beneficial treatment. I am glad I've gotten to know you here.

What is the significance of November 2018 to you?
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Thanks Chemgal I know you understand how difficult the medical system can be. I just don't like that I somehow became a criminal, lazy, untrustworthy to anyone but those who love me. I would change if I could figure out how.

As for November - My husband lost his beloved father in May. I want to be there through all the firsts for him - this is a devestating loss for him. No one's birthday is in November. It's far enough away from Christmas so that he could partake in Christmas with his family (Christmas is a big deal for them) and thus having something to look forward to. It's the best I can do to honour him. I just don't have the strength to do it more than this. But the "pain" has escalated to such a height that I do not know how to hold on. Well, I guess I know how but the pain is so immense I just don't want to.
 
I hope you're able to show yourself some of the same love that you do for your husband. You clearly care for him very much. Is he aware of how you're suffering now?

I know this pain isn't new for you, but have you tried everything that has lessened it in the past? I know for me when symptoms get more extreme I can get a bit of tunnel vision and I forget about things that can help, especially if it's not something I do regularly.
 
Sorries all around - I really and truly meant to voice another side to the physician suicide story. I really was not looking for support or attention. I'm sorry if I worried people. I'm also sorry for hijacking the thread. If nothing else I wanted to show how tough the decisions are on this issue.
 
Justme said:
Sorries all around - I really and truly meant to voice another side to the physician suicide story. I really was not looking for support or attention. I'm sorry if I worried people. I'm also sorry for hijacking the thread. If nothing else I wanted to show how tough the decisions are on this issue.
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Justme - I really don't know what to say. You have moved this from a abstract discussion to reality - and put a face on it. Platitudes won't work - no 'hang in there' or 'this too will pass' or 'it gets better'. You have lived it; you are living it. ((((hugs))))
 
Cognitive dissonance is a thing of the mind/sol/psyche ... some believe in non-existential ... and thus thye don't know this sensation.

Been there, done that ... focus on the light at the end of the tunnel ... it too will pass ... how? I don't know but a draw on the unknown just to piss of those that believe they know everything and nothing ... ain't that something to focus on as ode to humanity that believes in things beyond us? Thus we gather ... as that flo' goes by ... a pile 've trouble as tribulation?

When you consider the surroundings ... is it mostly naïveté to believe it a hoax ... on ignorance about our limitations as bean mortal? Are living icons to humour us the reason to be as to appreciate ode things ... thus enough essay 'd? Gnoeth it goes on ... perhaps light on the other side ... but hang on ... you might learn more about the pilgrim age ... that sad place we're at! Leaves me a bit a' gnostic ... still po'ly conceiving what life would be without love ... purely thought?

Love can trouble the hole E ... right? A train in the state of mind? No wonder all the whistles and hssssss'ecce ...
 
Justme said:
Sorries all around - I really and truly meant to voice another side to the physician suicide story. I really was not looking for support or attention. I'm sorry if I worried people. I'm also sorry for hijacking the thread. If nothing else I wanted to show how tough the decisions are on this issue.
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Good to hear from yas
And not to worry
That's one of the reasons WC2 is keepin on keepin on; we're a community
 
Tis all the part of the dissonant cognizant thingy ... just to know that others are bothered by what they see in the light of the Dei ITee ... ti'snot pretty the state we as social order have disorganized ...

Like Muses ... recessing in the dark crevasse in de Light of God's Shadow ... a frightful thing to see what gods leave behind ... apile of dark excrement ... so the word is said to have said ... but it may be say'd wrong ... to support the enigma of metaphor ...

This may be out ragingly funny for them looking in from beyond as overt inversion as tuffed in the brae 'n ... you might hear it as a whisper in the pining just over head ... as one darst not say it out loud ... or you could loose your head for heresy ... or be de gutted and quartered for treason against gods representatives who are unstable and constantly exchanged inde howse of representing parts ... of the peoples (a paradigm beyond conception). --- Tomas a' Moors (fla-toute zone with ups and downs)!
 
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I heard today that a friend has decided that 'enough is enough'.. He has battled long and hard against his failing body and the pain it gives him. Originally he thought that he was coming to the end when he accepted Palliative Care. Now he has realised that the caregivers are merely keeping him alive. He is saying his goodbyes to family and friends and will stop eating and drinking within a few days when his task is completed.
 
KayTheCurler said:
I heard today that a friend has decided that 'enough is enough'.. He has battled long and hard against his failing body and the pain it gives him. Originally he thought that he was coming to the end when he accepted Palliative Care. Now he has realised that the caregivers are merely keeping him alive. He is saying his goodbyes to family and friends and will stop eating and drinking within a few days when his task is completed.
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What's going to happen when he gets hungry and thirsty? It sounds like he has not thought this plan through all the way.
 
Jae said:
What's going to happen when he gets hungry and thirsty? It sounds like he has not thought this plan through all the way.
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To stop eating and drinking is actually a part of the natural dying process.
People who have cancer in their throat and are no longer able to eat have to make a decision if they want to just stop eating or get a tube put directly into their stomach. I remeber one patient who decided not to get a tube and therefore not to prolong the disease. It took about 2 weeks. At some point, people do no longer feel hunger or thirst.
 
Mrs.Anteater said:
To stop eating and drinking is actually a part of the natural dying process.
People who have cancer in their throat and are no longer able to eat have to make a decision if they want to just stop eating or get a tube put directly into their stomach. I remeber one patient who decided not to get a tube and therefore not to prolong the disease. It took about 2 weeks. At some point, people do no longer feel hunger or thirst.
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Thank you for that information Mrs. A.

However, in post #57, @KayTheCurler writes this, "I heard today that a friend has decided that 'enough is enough'.. He has battled long and hard against his failing body and the pain it gives him. Originally he thought that he was coming to the end when he accepted Palliative Care. Now he has realised that the caregivers are merely keeping him alive. He is saying his goodbyes to family and friends and will stop eating and drinking within a few days when his task is completed."

She did not say that her friend has cancer in his throat. She did not say that her friend was no longer feeling hunger or thirst.
 
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