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crazyheart

crazyheart

Rest In Peace: tomorrow,tomorrow
I have seen ashes put in urns of all shapes and sizes but it seems that the growing trend is to put the ashes in

something that is a memorial to the deceased.

Here are some I have heard about.

A cookie jar for a baker who made cookies for all the family.

A Cowboy boot. The man always said he wanted to die with his boots on.

Rita McNeil's ashes were sealed in a tea pot.

What do you think. A trend? disrespectful? What?
 
I think it's just personal preference - not disrespectful, IMO.

Since we planned to spread my mom's ashes at the cottage, they were just in a simple box in a fabric bag - no fancy urn. My dad did have some ashes reserved & placed in two small leaf shaped bronze coloured containers, about the size of the palm of your hand - one he kept at home & one at the cottage.
 
An urn is a personal, private decision among those planning the funeral and anyone they ask. If you're not part of that decision, you have no say. No one cares if you think it's disrespectful.
 
I think it's fine. Before he died my dad - a professional magician - requested that his ashes be placed into a box he had used in one of his illusions. It was a bit small - so we found a similar-looking box at a gift store to bury him in.
 
I think whatever is needed or wanted by the family, or if directed by the deceased and the family is able to keep their wishes, is fine by me.

I've seen a box in the shape of a log cabin, and I've heard of someone having a figure skate.
 
Surprise - I also find myself agreeing with Chansen.

The only time I was ever involved in choosing an urn was for my brother. (He accidentally drowned and the body was not discovered for a week or so during a hot summer 30 odd years ago). My sisters and I choose a small rectangular box - similar to a minature casket, had a regular funeral service, and a burial in the family plot next to our parents.
 
It seems to me that a funeral is for those who grieve, not for the person who died. If they expressed a preference for the type of urn the family/friends can choose respect those wishes out of their love for the deceased. I see no disrespect whether the vessel used is a boot, a piece of artwork, a cardboard box, something handmade - whatever feels right.
 
Definitely a case of those involved making the decision and everyone else sodding off.

Granted, you can still think certain practices are disrespectful, but everyone has slightly different approaches to grieving and funerary rites, and the roles those play in their life going forward. To some, you're honouring the deceased, to others, you're disrespecting them.

Leave it to the relatives.

-Omni
 
I have a hard time with the attachment some people have to the mortal remains of their loved ones, whether it be a body in a casket or ashes in an urn. To me, without their immortal soul, what is left behind is of minimal, if any, significance.

I recall after my mother had passed away, my stepfather -- a very faithful and evangelically-leaning person -- came back from picking out her cemetary plot. He said, "It's near her father's grave, and right near the trees. I think she'll like it." Now, I know he was still in shock, but it gave me pause to hear him speaking in present tense, as though she might have a preference in this.

But, for those who do ascribe some significance to these mortal remains, I don't think there is anything "disrespectful" in most choices of container -- the Rita McNeil teapot being a classic example of what would have been meaningful to the deceased, and will continue to be so for the loved ones.

Certainly, there will be choices that some might find distasteful, but what matters is not what others think, but how the family feels.
 
The_Omnissiah said:
Granted, you can still think certain practices are disrespectful...
-Omni
Click to expand...

I think we sometimes confuse "disrespectful" with "distasteful." Just because I don't like something -- because something offends my particular taste -- does not mean it is "disrespectful."

I agree, leave it to the relatives.
 
I suppose you're right and I should have worded it better. The only problem with not having a claim to an opinion on respectability or lack thereof, is that then respectability exists in the sociological no-man's land of "society" and individuals have little power over it. I think that personal opinion of what is respectful or not is specific enough (as shown by different groups around the world having different opinions as a group as to whether something is respectful) and has enough influence that it should be considered a personal opinion matter.

Society is - however you slice it - made of up individuals. And I think those individuals have some claim to what society sees as respectful or not.

-Omni
 
...and with the internet with its, very unlike reality, always-on immediate nature, these opinions have wider exposure...

so, in the olden days, it would take years, months, days for an opinion to spread amongst a very limited group of naked beach apes...

whereas now it can take seconds...

and with more and more of us coming online...ooooo ;3 i mean, just look at The_Omnissiah -- muslim. canadian. wears & looks good in lederhosen. a true child of the internet :3

(one person's respect is another's disgust is another person's 'not on my radar at all. at all.')

ps, holey moley, nice to see you here on WC: the Second Coming, Ceolach
 
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