Sex

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BetteTheRed said:
And, come on, hands up. For which of us has sex not been among the most important components of our lives? It is what has cemented our partnerships, fueled our separations, driven maybe the majority of our behaviours? And they STILL talk little about it in our public education system?
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Does drive the continuum ... of course religion is more about ends ... ontologically speaking!

Have a go at it ... understanding complex word ... that is!
 
PilgrimsProgress said:
So, seeing that you all live in another country and across a bloody big ocean from me - I feel free to tell you Mum and Dad's favourite childhood story about me. For years, whenever we spent Christmas with my Nana and Pop this story did the rounds.......

It concerns (ahem) venereal disease.

I was born just after WW2 - and many of our returned soldiers came back to Oz with v.d. (I think they were supposed to be fighting to keep Australia free - but history has shown that Aussies just do their own thing, and (initially) getting v.d. seemed more attractive than getting killed.

One day, not long after I had just learnt to read, I went to the railway station toilet with my sister. On the back of the toilet door was this huge notice about venereal disease. There was a picture of a man -with arrows pointing all over his body - telling of the health damage that could result from getting venereal disease - eventually going insane..
I yelled out to my little sister -and read out to her about this horrible disease.

"How do you get in?" she asked me. (a not unreasonable question)
"Um, I think off the toilet seat -that's why the notice is on the toilet door", I replied "Remember how Nana told us not to sit on public toilets - so from now on we better just stand on the seat and squat over the toilet?"

We kids, being raised in the bush, went everywhere in bare feet in the Summer holidays. One day, I discovered this big ugly sore on the sole of one foot. Didn't I read about those horrible sores on the back of the toilet door?

"You'd better tell Mum and Dad", said my sister - "otherwise you'll go mad."

So I go into Nana's living room where everyone is seated.
"Mum, I've got this sore on my foot', I say.
"Come and show me - so I'll know what it is", say Mum.
"Mum, I know what it is - I've got v.d."

Everyone just stared at me -and then burst out laughing.........
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Goo Dunne from down under ... leaving all standing with severe giggles and rifts! pistis illee ...

Legally I'm told I am not allowed to name or say it ...
 
BetteTheRed said:
And, come on, hands up. For which of us has sex not been among the most important components of our lives? It is what has cemented our partnerships, fueled our separations, driven maybe the majority of our behaviours? And they STILL talk little about it in our public education system?
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It certainly influences our lives and our behaviours- see the ME Too movement. However, I personally would question how good a tool it is to actually solve problems. I.e. if there are interpersonal problems, sex alone isn’t going to fix it. In that, I find it is overrated. How many psyc professionals are saying that a person is “ not whole, unhealthy” or whatever, if they don’t have ( enough) sex. There is a whole industry living on it. But what it comes down to is the interpersonal relationships and the knowledge of your own needs and respect for the other.
 
Mrs.Anteater said:
I.e. if there are interpersonal problems, sex alone isn’t going to fix it.
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Sex isn't going to fix it, but dealing with sexual hangups or other intimate issues can be an important part of it in some cases, esp. where we're talking marriages or other sexual relationships.
 
Mendalla said:
Sex isn't going to fix it, but dealing with sexual hangups or other intimate issues can be an important part of it in some cases, esp. where we're talking marriages or other sexual relationships.
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Sex could be seminal in a seminar ... thus taught without retreat? Then some will retreat from any challenge except what they oppress on the evil other ... the virtue of objectification?

Does support excessive subject iffy Cation or when one is too wrapped up ... in the eclectic ... shocking goings on a** hacked ... affects my breathing ... as the wrinkles pass ... blame it on Schrodinger ... and his Pi Annis ... (rational concerns)? Then there is Hyannis portal ... them with a bau mup ... so emotionally opinionated ... as to be part of Sophetics!
 
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Jae said:
We were also divided up between boys and girls. Wait. Are you telling me that boys and girls are actually taught about sex at school together these days? That's obscene.
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I don't think it is obscene at all. Uncomfortable at times, maybe, but not obscene.

I should ask my kids what was/is done at their (private, Mennonite) school. I am fairly sure classes were divided into boys and girls for much, but not all, of the discussions. I do know that condoms and bananas made an appearance. I also know that the school follows the Ontario curriculum and is progressive with its sex ed, and for that I am grateful. While my husband and I have certainly tried to have open and honest conversations with our boys about sex I think it is also important to acknowledge that good sex ed can, and usually does, come from a variety of sources and that can be a very good thing. Sometimes my kids are going to struggle to hear key material from me because it is coming from their "MOM". They will be much more able to really hear the material when it is coming from their very cool, male gym teacher and basketball coach. He isn't mom. He's a dude. And he understands what it is like to be a teen boy. Similarly I cannot provide effective sex education about gay sex and the experience of being gay - and if one of my son's comes out then I may need to draw upon other supports/resources for those conversations. Attending an affirming congregation means that there are both men and women who can speak to those issues better than I might be able to - which is awesome.

And to answer the original question my experience was like many. In grade six a letter was sent to our parents asking for their permission for their child to attend "THE CLASS". The class was divided into boys and girls and was very science based. My mom, a nurse, used her OBGYN books to talk about conception and foetal development prior to THE CLASS. Once I got over the intercourse (icky) aspect I thought the foetal development part was pretty cool.

I also borrowed a book called "How Babies are Made" from the school library when I was in grade four. I read it before I got home from school. If memory serves it was age appropriate and well-written. My parents saw the book and took it away from me - not knowing I had already read it. They themselves returned it to the school and asked that it be removed from the shelves. <sigh> What a lost learning opportunity. But they were doing their best so I cut them some slack.

Like many my education focused exclusively on the mechanics. There was nothing about consent, intimacy, love, reciprocity, and so on. While I think current education does a better job with consent and respect, I do think discussions about intimacy and relationships are more scarce and an area for improvement. I have found with my kids that pop culture really helps facilitate those conversations. My son was a Glee devotee when it was in its heyday. Glee provided a lot of fodder for good conversations about sex and relationships. In recent months we watched The Handmaids Tale together which provided lots of conversations about loving relationships, abuse of women, misogyny, and so on.
 
I am so glad I started this thread. It is definitely fodder for a book for parents trying to

cope with THE TALK . Keep the conversation going.
 
ChemGal said:
There was also the question box - supposedly we could ask any question and it would be answered. For some the goal seemed to be to come up with the most outrageous thing possible. One day I asked about oral sex - after asking at home and getting a vague answer basically that if I knew what oral was for other things I could figure it out on my own (umm was talking dirty oral sex? making out? surely the mouth wasn't involved with 'those areas'). Those outrageous questions were answered, my serious one was skipped over. So much for safe places to ask questions.
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I remember having a similar experience. I can't remember my exact question but it was something about pubic hair. It was not taken seriously.
 
A friend's 14 year old asked his teacher "What if two kids did it? Like, me and a girl my age? Would we get a baby?" The teacher said "No. You are still children"' and called for a different question. All teachers aren't created equal in their comfort level about sexuality!
 
KayTheCurler said:
A friend's 14 year old asked his teacher "What if two kids did it? Like, me and a girl my age? Would we get a baby?" The teacher said "No. You are still children"' and called for a different question. All teachers aren't created equal in their comfort level about sexuality!
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Wrong answer, too. A 14 year-old is most certainly capable of getting pregnant and of getting someone pregnant. And definitely capable of giving and receiving STIs. This is the whole misinformation problem again. That should have generated a teachable moment, not a brush-off.
 
Hilary said:
I remember having a similar experience. I can't remember my exact question but it was something about pubic hair. It was not taken seriously.
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With the internet, I wonder if they even bother with that now.
 
I can't imagine children seeking out some of this stuff online. Too risky to jump above an age-appropriate level.
 
Hilary said:
I can't imagine children seeking out some of this stuff online. Too risky to jump above an age-appropriate level.
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I agree! Plus words are different than pictures or video.
If the adults aren't willing to answer though, there's where kids are going to turn. Many will already just go online because that's easier than asking an adult simply because of what they may have experienced in the past.
 
Mendalla - of course the teacher gave the wrong answer. The boy was asking because his girl friend thought she might be pregnant. His parents had given him the actual facts. For a while he decided that his teacher knew more than them. It didn't play our well.
 
Jae said:
The Ontario government is teaching children before the right time.
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See the exchange between Kay and I about the fourteen year-olds. What is the right time? Has to be earlier than that. Given the issue of early puberty, I'd say 10 years old at the latest.
 
Mendalla said:
See the exchange between Kay and I about the fourteen year-olds. What is the right time? Has to be earlier than that. Given the issue of early puberty, I'd say 10 years old at the latest.
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I'd say start the education in grade 10.
 
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