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chansen said:
It's all so very confusing and difficult to come to terms with.
Click to expand...


Yeah. But it is normal. And you will manage eventually.

You had hopes and dreams for Carter. Hopes and dreams which will never be realized and you will feel somewhat cheated about that. It really is very normal and powerfully human.

You have hopes and dreams for Zach as well. You may be a bit shy of making them public or leaning on them to any great degree. That too is very human.

It is great to see that your talents and abilities are not only valued, they were missed. Try not to let your head swell too much about that. And yet, after having been knocked down as you were it probably wouldn't hurt to stretch your wings and strut your stuff a smidge.

One of the things that I had to wrestle with through Robert's early illness when our family was in its darkest place was the security of the role over and against the health of the person. It was easier, in many ways to be simply Robert's dad or so and so's minister. It was harder to be John.

You were Carter's dad and as Carter's dad you went through hell (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). You spend that much time in that kind of fire and it molds you. Forces you to be more of Carter's dad and less of Craig. Not that one is better than the other because there was nothing wrong with being Carter's dad. There is one that is your most natural fit. And that is the one you need to recover.

You will still be a husband and a father and those relationships will continue to polish and shine the rough edges. Of course before you were a husband and a father you were Craig and I daresay, that it was being Craig that gave you your shot at being a husband and a father.

Craig clearly has charm and pushes the right woman's buttons the right way. Zach, if nothing else, proves you still do that.

You aren't in search of a new identity. You need to make peace with the one you have always had. I know that you regret no longer being Carter's father. That is who you were and it will influence who you will be yet. At core, you are still Craig and Craig has a lot to offer.

Thanks for the good news. I know you will grieve for the rest of your life in one way or another. The hurt will never pass completely away because you will never let go. You will learn that you do not need to hold so tightly. It takes time. Even when life is not complicated. You have been through more than a few complications.

As the pilots in my family are fond of repeating, "any landing you can walk away from . . ."

You still stand and you can remember how to put one foot before the other so . . . as bad as things have been you are still able to walk. Won't be long (relatively speaking) before you fly again.

The days can only get so short before they start getting longer again.
 
@chansen
Terre jerking ... earth shaken events ...

Transference of emotions ... some people believe not in transmutation from alien domains ... where things reside inde sole state ... unseen to the physical ... some say small potatoes ... others the big pot a'tue ... a synapse you could dais to in the crossing ... becoming someone else of a dream ... just imagine a child of mine 'd ... residing in pure domain of cares!

Like thoughts, emotions, and other metaphysics .. some say such things of Aries do not exist ... well perhaps in the world of form and volume ... what's left ?

Hermeneutics! It follows as logic ...

Inte grail state as things gathered at the end ... some cannot imagine such abstracts even after drifting off into the primal state at night ... is that Shadow of where things are druid ... since we cannot attribute it to "nothing" else! Approaches a Black Hole syndrome ... when one has to rebound to pick up and reassemble peaces ...
 
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Over the weekend I let it be known to friends and neighbours that I would be 'at home' Monday afternoon and evening.
My doorbell rang at about 1:30, a former minister and his wife from 30 years ago - moved back to the area upon retirement and we reconnected last year. They came bearing gifts - homemade candy. We had a short visit together - Seelerman trapsed them down to the basement to see his model train set-up - even though I hadn't cleaned or prepared that part of the house for guests.
Before long, another friend, and another, Seelergirl and granddaughter, neighbours from across the street.
A lull before suppertime, and we had just dug into a bowl of homemade soup when another friend from the church dropped in. She declined soup but snacked on cheese and crackers and then we sipped some wine and shared fruitcake. She coouldn't stay long, and I was able to tidy up a bit and grab a short nap before another friend, and another, and my cousin and her husband, and another friend. A great day!
Today is a day off.
But I thought you might enjoy - three different types of cheese (I'm partial to blue cheese myself), eggnog, various Christmas cookies and squares, white or red wine - or maybe some fudge (another gift) or homemade jam (gift) on your crackers. Dig in for a virtual 'at home'.
Music, conversation, laughter, relaxation.
 
Glad your "At home" went well seeler.
Had lunch with my youngest and then we shopped for some stocking stuffers together.
 
I had fun this afternoon. A friend invited myself, and two others over for afternoon tea.
What a lovely way to spend an afternoon.
All 3 are retired, though, two of them are quite busy with grandchildren (and one with supply work).

Have a few errands to do tomorrow, including replacing a lost gift card for one child.sigh.
 
Mom and I went shopping this morning. I bought a few gifts including a something a little sexy for Yobo to wear (read: florist's apron). After that we had lunch at KFC and Mom got her hair cut. A grandmother and her young 4 year old sat with us during since the foodcourt was out of tables. We all got to chatting. One of the questions I asked the boy was what he was planning to do during his holidays. He answered that he was planning on practicing making the sign of the cross (he had just recently learned it at his Catholic school). A fun morning was enjoyed by all.
 
This will be a bit of a difficult Christmas, without my Aunt and with my uncle suffering physically and emotionally. He's palliative, dealing with cancer that can't be treated typically because he is on dialysis. My sister and I went to pick him up from dialysis with the intention of taking him out for lunch. He was too tired and weak to go for lunch. So we picked up soup and brought it to his house. He lives alone and I don't think he should. But he's a bit stubborn. A step-daughter is coming home for Christmas and she is dealing with her own depression, by withdrawing from the world and by drinking a LOT. So, they'll be together commiserating. Grief is tough.
 
that does sound difficult Nancy. Depression & substance abuse often go hand in hand ... hopefully this person can find their way into treatment.
 
I've been having fun reading about pharmaceutical effects on the limbic system and the large gonad ... that bre-in thing that is hated by emotional sorts?

The wee effects having large reactions are a phenomenon to do etude on ... many doctors don't wish to know such doctrines as depth of wisdom ... things beyond normal or ordinary folk ... any dictate about what they don't know and thus a lot of useless word ... unless one digs into the pile for dark Jinns ... Gems?
 
That was a good idea to bring lunch in to your uncle Nancy. I wonder if he would accept meals on wheels-or if it is available in his community?
 
Yes, Tabitha. We do have meals on wheels and that is a good option. We have to have a heart to heart talk with him soon. We've just been in a holding pattern since my aunt died; it's been almost two months now. We're just helping him get through each week, but now that we see him spiralling downward, we'll have to do something.
 
Today I went to a funeral for Guy from our bowling league. He bowled this fall in September and early October, had some pains in his chest and took some time off (he'd had angina in the past). Someone spoke to him just a week or so ago and he was looking forward to getting back after Christmas. Then he died suddenly. He was 87.
There were only a few at the funeral. His sil was there with his brother who lives in a nursing home in another city was there in a wheel chair, their daughters accompanying them and no doubt helping out. His two sisters live in another province and didn't make it home.
A few neighbours, another bowler (I thought there would be more but this is a busy time of year).
His widow, her brother from another town. They never had any children.
His widow is completely alone when her brother goes back home. She has always been very quiet, almost reclusive. Her brother is very concerned about her - but she has refused to consider going home with him for the next while. They lived in a two-storey home. Guy did all the shopping and cooking. He's gone.
I've known Guy off and on since I was a giggling girl and he was a handsome young man. But I've only met his wife a few times and I don't live near her.
Oh, the joys of growing old - especially when you are alone.
I hope that when the time comes, Seelerman and I will have done some advance planning - and not leave everything to our daughter and grandchildren to look after. How does one know when it's time to sell the house, downsize, move into assisted living? Right now we manage quite well. But maybe Guy thought the same.
 
I knew a couple that did their funeral planning when they were in their 90s. I guess they figured it was about time. (How did they know that it wouldn't be too late; or were they just lucky?)
 
My Neighbour was very healthy living and mobile, physically and mentally. Six weeks ago he woke up felling sick in his stomach. In the ER, they found him full of cancer. Her had his regular check up and everything, was just 66. He died last week.
You just never know. Yesterday, a 26 year old got run over in the Walmart parking lot. A christmas shopping victim.We assume, we always have lots of life to live....
I don 't know if we could live with more awareness? Could we ever be prepared?
Then, there is those who seem to be avoiding change even though the problems are already obvious. Moving into a four level house even though you already have a bad hip? Not so smart. I have a bad knee and now a bad back and moved into my one level home 4 yrs ago, knowing I will be on my own and here services are close by, I could even make it to town in an electric wheelchair if need be. I am always surprised abut people who live at the end of the world, but expect that power gets restored within 24hrs and home care can make it three times a day.
 
Greetings Roomies!

My first post in a long, long time . . . and here it is in the Room!

I have missed you all.

I have not been here at the Cafe for a long time. Summer came and went, and throughout the summer I didn't spend much time on the computer . . . fall came and went, and, as each day came and went, it became harder and harder to get back.

I am not going to be able to go back and catch up on all the threads and see what I have missed, because that would be too daunting . . . but I hope to find out how you all are now!!!!

Blessings,
 
Whoop! Merry almost Christmas Beloved.

It truly is a time of hope, peace, love & joy....(even if i do scramble the order up)
 
Hey Beloved top news alert chansen (and his wife) have a baby boy called Zach!
There now you are all caught up. Good to see you.
 
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