Physical Illness, Mental Illness, Invisible Illness

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It is very strange how different bipolar feels from the two sides of the equation. For the bipolar person, the manias make the depressions worthwhile, while for the family, the quiet of the depression is a tranquil relief from the anxiety and uncertainty of the mania.

"You are lucky, you are manic/depressive, you at least have your manic highs," my cousin's wife said to me in my manic/depressive days, "I am low all the time!"

I still fluctuate emotionally, but have changed my thinking enough so that I no longer perpetuate the emotional lows with low thinking. I also have trained myself not to think too high when in an emotional high, but put fewer constraints on my thoughts when I feel high.

Some people fluctuate widely with their emotions. This is great, and not a mental disorder. Deepening and perpetuating one's negative states with one's thinking is a mental disorder--to speak from my personal experience--and the liberation from it came when I became the creator of my conceptual reality, able to create my conceptual reality at will. But it took me two years of turning inward in quiet contemplation and meditation to get there, and even then it took a profound mystical peak to really turn me around.
 
The medium of the calmed mind is not well accepted by the extremes (polity?). Emotions and intellect use it s a battleground ... something to get beyond ... and thus the myth! To eLLe with the parietal node that might be a lobe forming as a bump on what's unknown ... an unknown swelling on the knight ... or that within Joan ... as gross irony that the Stewards of England couldn't grasp as a hint of the uprising violence hidden there ... imaginary chaos ... or the Hebrew "Bo"? Is that scared, sacred, or just reverence for what's truly unknown by mortal? Look up at night at the Bo Ty of it all extending infinitely overhead and underfoot as well .. although that under soul is dark ... residing with us as the Shadow ... a sort of void denoting what's missing!

If one looks about appears to be much intelligence missing ... especially with those the propose pure Love without Q'loos! Preserve the soul ... thus the Egyptian salting of the mind ... with god knows what ... or Y's mon ... but a bump!
 
Would a double bump 2 clues give Sisyphus something to get over ... bi pas? That's "M" the population of reality that has no imagination bout doing it different ... a'lie ... or an Allah in the desert as a dark eL ass ... Gabriel?
 
Well, Luce, Sisyphus would solve his problem if he simply dissolved his rock. Solving and absolving by dissolving, eh? :)
 
"You are lucky, you are manic/depressive, you at least have your manic highs," my cousin's wife said to me in my manic/depressive days, "I am low all the time!"

I still fluctuate emotionally, but have changed my thinking enough so that I no longer perpetuate the emotional lows with low thinking. I also have trained myself not to think too high when in an emotional high, but put fewer constraints on my thoughts when I feel high.

Some people fluctuate widely with their emotions. This is great, and not a mental disorder. Deepening and perpetuating one's negative states with one's thinking is a mental disorder--to speak from my personal experience--and the liberation from it came when I became the creator of my conceptual reality, able to create my conceptual reality at will. But it took me two years of turning inward in quiet contemplation and meditation to get there, and even then it took a profound mystical peak to really turn me around.

Bi-polar disorder has been linked to higher IQ. :)

http://psychcentral.com/lib/intelligence-linked-to-bipolar-disorder/0005518
 
Maybe people who haven't, should live with an unmedicated bipolar person for a little while. It can be extremely difficult. What it isn't is mood swings. What it can feel very much like is demonic possession. Imagine how very disconcerting it might be to share memories with someone who has no emotional memory of their manic periods, when many scary things might have happened.

The mental illness may feel like a gift to the bipolar person. I can promise you that it doesn't to her child, or her sister, or her mother.
 
BetteTheRed said:
Maybe people who haven't, should live with an unmedicated bipolar person for a little while. It can be extremely difficult.

Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

BetteTheRed said:
What it can feel very much like is demonic possession. Imagine how very disconcerting it might be to share memories with someone who has no emotional memory of their manic periods, when many scary things might have happened.

Respectfully submit that is not the most graspable of comparisons. Hollywood has been no help in that department.

BetteTheRed said:
The mental illness may feel like a gift to the bipolar person. I can promise you that it doesn't to her child, or her sister, or her mother.

Amen to that.
 
Maybe people who haven't, should live with an unmedicated bipolar person for a little while. It can be extremely difficult. What it isn't is mood swings. What it can feel very much like is demonic possession. Imagine how very disconcerting it might be to share memories with someone who has no emotional memory of their manic periods, when many scary things might have happened.

The mental illness may feel like a gift to the bipolar person. I can promise you that it doesn't to her child, or her sister, or her mother.

Yes, demonic possession! That's exactly what I though when I was a child, and my mother flew into one of her rages with white spittle flying from the corners of her mouth.
 
Borderline Characters and ways around a pure state of emotion ... wee bling and wobbling are allowed by the weaver if not extremely into polity ...
I tallows for IT Codes in word that many Gods despise in great piles ... a pain in the Don qui if they cannot unravel "M" .. the paradigm-IHC-Ode?

Follows with Deep Holes vs Cool Heights ...

A’ Va Lon vs. A’ Vari Çe …
A cool distinction between the interpretations of being in the pits of ‘emotions in Arabic (٧) versus that which follows as hate of loosing IT (٨) in a rocky mountain high. In the etude of linguistics one can relate to the difference in the Greek and Hebrew versions of “V” and “Λ” “Δ” where the a’Delled-ta (Word as Tao, or Ϯ in Coptic Greek) when encountering passion is without a sound … and thus the Har Moni of a very faint “psi” presenting as ψ or a dove falling for the projection of the deviate (Pedi’s Pan?). You always note that the delta has a bottom line presentation when in abstract there is none … infinite goes both ways so that people when coming down of the heigh (He-IΓH) can be depressed by the gamma or dark space encountered! Is there white wash as approved opposition that manifests as vanilla sky?
Did you know that a pair of Arabic 8’s incarnating as 88, might be conceived of pairs of an infinite 1 if well mated as I am is love is integrated internally as Ξ, follow nun (۹, or nein) which is near nothing as young folk refer to what they’re doing? They present as a Greek “mu” (μ, or ٨٨) that in silent mode is “ii” or “mu as all shut up … a plugged soul? In the alternate paired eights’ or Semitic heights can be like four winds … illustrating that such things will come back athcha (I made that up just to be pheshii ‘bout the pyre of passions). Such can leave one senseless as if in a caldron or other ironic kettle where switch is swapped as intelligence that was gone unknown. Thus one can be known to be in a kettle of fish when coming to one’s senses. Can you deal with such losses and gains by the other? Who gets to possess what was created indifferently by congregational activity of a duo? Is this liberty in the fin*est sense … or children who you are assigned to allocate material that will bring them to proper wisdom about being numb to what unknowns can bring them. Reminds me of Psalm 103:12 and the concept of what God does to the psyche in paradigm without underlying conceptions. Yet if they were never druid … or “bought up” in family situations … how would the deprived soul know such abstracts? This is sometimes known as multi-lingual code as satyr can lead to no 1 understanding nothing … and thus god is not bothered by anything, an thus un-thunk!
Like the Cyrillic 88 is that near bally-stick or otherwise an emotion all shot full of holes as Cana-nun, and as reversal of manifestation … much akin to a stone (hard) shot in the dark and caught by a psyche that could handle what A’mon dropped? There could be echoes; dark reflections about the mire mis’d!
Such is ineffable in church as we let our children go without knowing the danger of extreme sects or the polity of God when becoming Y’s, or otherwise diverse in love .. with the mellowing of attitudes towards wisdom gained in life as a purpose to the enigma!
This will cause some dissonance in some psyches … as they didn’t wish to gnoe know how and thus in naïveté they didn’t! Can you relate this word to nativity, or the quick aboriginal that know when to get out of this situation by means of Mar Tier dumb?
This later became known as High Flight and allows the conjuring of heir roué gamma’s as the rule of the grandmother of love clause … or Santé Clause as healthy mode of when the displaced spirit realizes chi has someplace to put unreal things … like undetected knowledge as sacred jinnis. Some refer to these as Genes and are blue without “M”!
And you learn to speak secretly about intelligence to yourself … you will escape condemnation by those opposed to common wisdom … as they’ll just think you’re out of here as a Borderline character … manifesting as the Village Idiot posing as a visionary of future events to those authorities that would rather not … and thus you would be eliminated from the hierarchy! Creation needed a way to contain excess emotions from the balance of the Cosmos … which appears to act as clockwork compared to down Eire where we have bottom line support systems that are un recognizant.
Have you peered about lately at the state we’re in?
With a bit of Murphy’s Law … in a quanta … you could be out of this Maas in the Nich of time … a critical effort with alchemii connected to cynicism, or critical process by any other name while dealing with the myth of wisdom. IT just can’t be … "ID" the a' priorit thngy?
 
Maybe people who haven't, should live with an unmedicated bipolar person for a little while. It can be extremely difficult. What it isn't is mood swings. What it can feel very much like is demonic possession. Imagine how very disconcerting it might be to share memories with someone who has no emotional memory of their manic periods, when many scary things might have happened.

The mental illness may feel like a gift to the bipolar person. I can promise you that it doesn't to her child, or her sister, or her mother.
I realize, and I am sorry you had to experience that with your mother, and Hermann also. My mother had some sort of undiagnosed condition, too.

I was pointing out, "if not dangerously extreme". Some of the world's foremost prodigies have been bi-polar. And I know one - a former friend who I run into from time to time - an amazing artist, but an alcoholic who is incredibly difficult (not violent just very eccentric and insular) to be around for days at a time when he was in a manic state he only wanted to paint and to hardly stop to eat. And a good person - I consider it mostly my problem that he was hard to be around - for expecting him to change. Well, it was the binge drinking I wished he would change so he would do something with his giftedness....he paints, and can sit down at a piano and improvise amazing music just by "feel".
 
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He used to tell me that he couldn't do those things while medicated on pills...so he drank instead. Sad, I think the drinking will catch up to him someday, but he is high functioning - holds a day job where he can more or less set his own hours. And he resolved not to get settled down and have kids so as not to hurt anyone emotionally with his eccentric ways, which he knows are off beat.
 
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Just pointing out that it doesn't always have to be a curse or a sickness. Although, I worry about my friend's liver someday with the booze he consumes. But it's his choice - his art is first in his life. That was really why we parted ways - I was the selfish one. He has sold some of it and I wish him all the best.
 
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I just don't like looking at it from the "illness" model. Mental illness can range anywhere from inconvenient/ incompatible to the mainstream, to dangerous to self and others. Most people are not. It's the former aspects that I think should be nurtured, if not dangerous, because that's often where the gifts are - not necessarily medicated. Then, I think of brilliant people like Robin Williams - bipolar - and brilliant. And tragic what happened to him. If he were different, expected to be mainstream, or had the "crazy" -blanched out of him, we would not have had the chance to learn how gifted he was. I actually never thought of him as ill even though signs were there that a medical professional might have recognized easily - just gifted and a little weird in a good way - and he shared a huge body of work with the world. I'm sorry for what happened to him - I am sure it was not easy for his family to live with him at times - but imagine if he'd been forced to change?
 
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Wow - this thread is certainly unique.

I would argue that for many you can't think yourself out of mental illness. You can adapt to different behaviours and thinking patterns but it's not always smooth sailing - much like a diabetic can't "cure" themselves by giving up sugar. Or that people whose cancer have gone into remission cured themselves by eating better and thinking themselves better. There are definitely different degrees of illness and coping. And some people with terminal diseases who do great things before they pass - are we "glad" that they had such an affliction?!

I have bipolar disorder (along with anxiety, ADHD and Tourette's) and while the highs (I am hypo-manic, not totally manic) can be somewhat fun at the beginning - the energy fuels my anxiety and while I don't "need" to sleep I am so busy making lists and plans it's exhausting but I can't slow down enough to actually rest. I also don't slow down enough to enjoy my family and friends and don't really treat them all that well (I'm not mean to them usually but I am so busy doing that I can't just be with them). And then there is the inevitable crash - it's worse now that I'm more educated - I can almost see it coming but can't figure out how to stop it often and brace myself that it is coming and feel helpless and start planning a way out quicker and quicker because I can't face the pain any more. I live in constant fear that this low is going to come back. I just had a horrible week with anxiety and depression and hyperactivity (don't think it would qualify as hypomania but it was close) and now I have hit the low - where I have no energy but my mind keeps insisting that I must do things. Even when I collapse in bed my brain is working hard and I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Imagine not being able to watch tv, read a magazine article, sit still or stop tapping your feet - it's incredibly uncomfortable.

Some incredibly talented individuals have had mental illness like Robin Williams but is it a gift? I don't really think so. It is kind of "fun" that I have the ability to hyper focus and bang out a thesis in a weekend but I can't turn it off and on like a tap and marshal those resources on demand but I put myself through he!! for those moments. Are we glad that Robin had mental illness because we benefitted? I'm not. I don't know what Howie Mandel would say - he enjoys his life but if you read some of what he has said in the last week or two, he has definitely been traumatized by his mental illness (imagine being trapped in a room because you can't touch the door knob and someone taping your panic and playing it for millions to hear?!?)

I'll step off my soap box now but being told that my mental illness is a gift and that I can think myself better really upsets me - it's not a gift to lose my job and not be able to functions for days at a time.
 
Thanks justme for trusting us enough to share your experiences - IMO that takes some courage, and we can all learn from your words, if we are open to them.

I think next week is the Bell "Let's Talk" event re mental illness - so there will be more opportunities for us to learn and appreciate the lives others lead. I did hear (I think) that Howie Mandel would be featured this year, but I hadn't heard anything more ... so now I'm curious, based on your comments above.
 
Yes, Howie Mandel is going to be featured and a documentary on Clara Hughes will be aired after the local news on CTV (and I think available on their website). I'm not really sure how much Howie Mandel will be featured outside of the ads and PSAs he's done. The Bell Let's Talk site does not actually talk about his struggle just about his accomplishments.

Here's a poignant article about his struggle from the HuffPo
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/01/19/howie-mandel-bell-lets-talk_n_6501382.html
 
I love that Howie Mandel comment in your link justme - "let's start talking about our mental health like our dental health - no stigma"
 
Wow - this thread is certainly unique.

I would argue that for many you can't think yourself out of mental illness. You can adapt to different behaviours and thinking patterns but it's not always smooth sailing - much like a diabetic can't "cure" themselves by giving up sugar. Or that people whose cancer have gone into remission cured themselves by eating better and thinking themselves better. There are definitely different degrees of illness and coping. And some people with terminal diseases who do great things before they pass - are we "glad" that they had such an affliction?!

I have bipolar disorder (along with anxiety, ADHD and Tourette's) and while the highs (I am hypo-manic, not totally manic) can be somewhat fun at the beginning - the energy fuels my anxiety and while I don't "need" to sleep I am so busy making lists and plans it's exhausting but I can't slow down enough to actually rest. I also don't slow down enough to enjoy my family and friends and don't really treat them all that well (I'm not mean to them usually but I am so busy doing that I can't just be with them). And then there is the inevitable crash - it's worse now that I'm more educated - I can almost see it coming but can't figure out how to stop it often and brace myself that it is coming and feel helpless and start planning a way out quicker and quicker because I can't face the pain any more. I live in constant fear that this low is going to come back. I just had a horrible week with anxiety and depression and hyperactivity (don't think it would qualify as hypomania but it was close) and now I have hit the low - where I have no energy but my mind keeps insisting that I must do things. Even when I collapse in bed my brain is working hard and I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Imagine not being able to watch tv, read a magazine article, sit still or stop tapping your feet - it's incredibly uncomfortable.

Some incredibly talented individuals have had mental illness like Robin Williams but is it a gift? I don't really think so. It is kind of "fun" that I have the ability to hyper focus and bang out a thesis in a weekend but I can't turn it off and on like a tap and marshal those resources on demand but I put myself through he!! for those moments. Are we glad that Robin had mental illness because we benefitted? I'm not. I don't know what Howie Mandel would say - he enjoys his life but if you read some of what he has said in the last week or two, he has definitely been traumatized by his mental illness (imagine being trapped in a room because you can't touch the door knob and someone taping your panic and playing it for millions to hear?!?)

I'll step off my soap box now but being told that my mental illness is a gift and that I can think myself better really upsets me - it's not a gift to lose my job and not be able to functions for days at a time.

I understand both sides
Wow - this thread is certainly unique.

I would argue that for many you can't think yourself out of mental illness. You can adapt to different behaviours and thinking patterns but it's not always smooth sailing - much like a diabetic can't "cure" themselves by giving up sugar. Or that people whose cancer have gone into remission cured themselves by eating better and thinking themselves better. There are definitely different degrees of illness and coping. And some people with terminal diseases who do great things before they pass - are we "glad" that they had such an affliction?!

I have bipolar disorder (along with anxiety, ADHD and Tourette's) and while the highs (I am hypo-manic, not totally manic) can be somewhat fun at the beginning - the energy fuels my anxiety and while I don't "need" to sleep I am so busy making lists and plans it's exhausting but I can't slow down enough to actually rest. I also don't slow down enough to enjoy my family and friends and don't really treat them all that well (I'm not mean to them usually but I am so busy doing that I can't just be with them). And then there is the inevitable crash - it's worse now that I'm more educated - I can almost see it coming but can't figure out how to stop it often and brace myself that it is coming and feel helpless and start planning a way out quicker and quicker because I can't face the pain any more. I live in constant fear that this low is going to come back. I just had a horrible week with anxiety and depression and hyperactivity (don't think it would qualify as hypomania but it was close) and now I have hit the low - where I have no energy but my mind keeps insisting that I must do things. Even when I collapse in bed my brain is working hard and I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Imagine not being able to watch tv, read a magazine article, sit still or stop tapping your feet - it's incredibly uncomfortable.

Some incredibly talented individuals have had mental illness like Robin Williams but is it a gift? I don't really think so. It is kind of "fun" that I have the ability to hyper focus and bang out a thesis in a weekend but I can't turn it off and on like a tap and marshal those resources on demand but I put myself through he!! for those moments. Are we glad that Robin had mental illness because we benefitted? I'm not. I don't know what Howie Mandel would say - he enjoys his life but if you read some of what he has said in the last week or two, he has definitely been traumatized by his mental illness (imagine being trapped in a room because you can't touch the door knob and someone taping your panic and playing it for millions to hear?!?)

I'll step off my soap box now but being told that my mental illness is a gift and that I can think myself better really upsets me - it's not a gift to lose my job and not be able to functions for days at a time.

I understand both sides of the issue. In the case of some people, like the person I know, they don't want to adapt but to have the space and acce
Wow - this thread is certainly unique.

I would argue that for many you can't think yourself out of mental illness. You can adapt to different behaviours and thinking patterns but it's not always smooth sailing - much like a diabetic can't "cure" themselves by giving up sugar. Or that people whose cancer have gone into remission cured themselves by eating better and thinking themselves better. There are definitely different degrees of illness and coping. And some people with terminal diseases who do great things before they pass - are we "glad" that they had such an affliction?!

I have bipolar disorder (along with anxiety, ADHD and Tourette's) and while the highs (I am hypo-manic, not totally manic) can be somewhat fun at the beginning - the energy fuels my anxiety and while I don't "need" to sleep I am so busy making lists and plans it's exhausting but I can't slow down enough to actually rest. I also don't slow down enough to enjoy my family and friends and don't really treat them all that well (I'm not mean to them usually but I am so busy doing that I can't just be with them). And then there is the inevitable crash - it's worse now that I'm more educated - I can almost see it coming but can't figure out how to stop it often and brace myself that it is coming and feel helpless and start planning a way out quicker and quicker because I can't face the pain any more. I live in constant fear that this low is going to come back. I just had a horrible week with anxiety and depression and hyperactivity (don't think it would qualify as hypomania but it was close) and now I have hit the low - where I have no energy but my mind keeps insisting that I must do things. Even when I collapse in bed my brain is working hard and I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Imagine not being able to watch tv, read a magazine article, sit still or stop tapping your feet - it's incredibly uncomfortable.

Some incredibly talented individuals have had mental illness like Robin Williams but is it a gift? I don't really think so. It is kind of "fun" that I have the ability to hyper focus and bang out a thesis in a weekend but I can't turn it off and on like a tap and marshal those resources on demand but I put myself through he!! for those moments. Are we glad that Robin had mental illness because we benefitted? I'm not. I don't know what Howie Mandel would say - he enjoys his life but if you read some of what he has said in the last week or two, he has definitely been traumatized by his mental illness (imagine being trapped in a room because you can't touch the door knob and someone taping your panic and playing it for millions to hear?!?)

I'll step off my soap box now but being told that my mental illness is a gift and that I can think myself better really upsets me - it's not a gift to lose my job and not be able to functions for days at a time.

I was thinking about how to respond to this, this afternoon. I understand both sides and I don't mean to offend anyone, it's just how I feel about it. Having been through several bouts of depression, I don't prefer the clinical approach or to think of it as an illness. Not because it's not difficult to go through, but because I constantly feel like we (people with disabilities) are being measured up against elusive norms that don't really exist - and I have had a hell of a time finding medical solutions to the emotional/ physical/ depression /anxiety connections and affects on my physical disability - so I decided I am not going to spend my life in doctor's offices trying to achieve "normal". I know myself well enough to know that how things are in the outer world around me...the ableist expectations, impact my inner world and how I feel about myself, with jobs, with socializing...and I am fed up I guess with keeping up to "normal". Employers need to adapt. It's the law. And I am lucky to have one who is up to date. I hope people will just start to see each other as people, not labels. As soon as the majority can agree there's really no such thing as "normal" - nobody's consistently "normal" (and if one exists they are probably not very interesting anyway - "normal is an illusion") - the better off things will be. We each have our own normal and that's okay. What are we in a rush to keep up to anyway? There will be no labels and no stigma if we can accept that, IMO.

The artist I know feels he does his best artwork work in a manic/ hypo manic state when he stays awake for a couple of days at a time and paints non-stop. What can I say? He happens to have carved out a job where he can work around his episodes I guess. His sister and his close friends understand and don't come down on him hard for it. Relationships have been a challenge so he doesn't commit. That's how he manages. He's not dangerous, has never been. He channels all his energy into painting.


...and I do feel Robin Williams was gifted and I feel fortunate that he shared his gifts with the world in my lifetime. The world is a lesser place without him. I'm just sorry that he felt he had to leave the world too soon.
 
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