MistsOfSpring
Member
I frequently doubt myself and I can't judge for certain if I should have done things differently. This specific occurrence isn't huge, but it's what happened yesterday and it has me doubting.
My daughter is 7 and a half. One of her best friends is a 6 year old who lives two doors down from us. They often play together outside on the front lawns and sidewalk in front of our houses. Yesterday the 6 year old came over with her family's two dogs on leashes and asked if Rachel wanted to walk them with her.
A little background: I grew up terrified of dogs. I'm much more comfortable around them now, but I'm definitely not a "dog person" who understands dogs or knows how to handle them. I've never had a dog and don't plan to. The neighbours are "dog people"...the mom grew up with dogs and they have had dogs for years in their home. Their kids are being raised with dogs. Rachel (my daughter) is slightly uncomfortable around dogs, in particular dogs that bark a lot or jump up or run around. I have it as a goal in my mind to help her to be as comfortable around dogs as possible. One of the neighbour's dogs is "middle aged" and very calm. The other is a very excitable puppy.
My first thought when the 6 year old came to my door with the two dogs was that I didn't think she was big enough to handle the puppy, but I dismissed the thought because if her parents let her out with BOTH dogs, they must think she's big enough to handle them. I knew Rachel wouldn't be confident enough to handle the puppy and she said herself that she'd like to walk the dogs, but she wanted to have the older one. I felt comfortable with that because I knew that the older dog wouldn't drag her along or do anything surprising. The girls went outside with the dogs on their leashes to give them a little walk.
A few minutes later, I heard a loud scream and some yelling and crying. Sure enough, my neighbour's 6 year old got dragged by the puppy and fell over and skinned her knee. Her mom also heard the yelling and came out. She was mad that her daughter hadn't stayed in front of the house where she was supposed to be with the dogs (I live on the corner and she and my daughter were next to my house but around the corner on the other street.) Her mom asked what happened and her daughter told her that the puppy had dragged her over there and then she fell.
My response was to feel guilty. I had already thought that the 6 year old wasn't strong enough or confident enough to walk the puppy on her own, but I don't know much about dogs and her mom DID say it was ok for her to do it, although she did specify where she should be doing it. I felt guilty that they weren't where they were supposed to be, but I didn't KNOW where they were supposed to be. Should I have asked the girl where they were going to be walking the dogs? (I already knew that they have similar ranges for playing and walking...basically just around the block. So even if I did ask, I wouldn't have thought anything of it if she had said they were walking around the block.)
On one hand, I don't want to be questioning other parents' decisions regarding their own kids. On the other hand, I feel like I'm involved now since my daughter was out there with her. As I said, this is a very tiny example that resulted in a skinned knee, but it's a pattern with me to not know whether I should say something or not and I guess to defer to other people's expertise (my neighbour being an expert on her dogs and her kids, at the very least compared to me.) I certainly don't envision myself calling my neighbour to say "Are you sure it's a good idea to let your 6 year old take the two dogs outside on her own?"
Part of my worry is that I feel like I SHOULD know what's reasonable and what isn't for what kids are allowed to do, but there is such a wide range of beliefs about raising kids that I don't know if there really are SHOULDs in many cases. One neighbour gives her 6 year old much more freedom than I would ever allow at that age; another gives her 10 year old much less freedom than I'd allow at that age. Still, it's unnerving when I feel like I've let someone else's child do more than their parent would allow them to do when that child is "in my care." (Although the 6 year old WASN'T in my care. It just FELT that way because she came to my door with the dogs and I let Rachel go with her.)
The other part is the "what if" worrying. In this case, it was just a skinned knee, but what if the puppy had yanked the 6 year old in to the road just as a car was coming and the 6 year old got hit by the car? Do I have an obligation to tell my neighbour that I don't think letting her 6 year old walk the puppy on her own is a good idea because of the risk, however slight, of serious injury? And how will my neighbour take that kind of advice knowing that I don't know dogs much at all? Are my worries even based in reality or am I projecting from my own long term fear of dogs?
Oh, and if it seems that this reaction of mine is a bit over blown, I should probably also let you know that I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which not only leads me to obsess about issues like this, but it also leads me to doubt my own thoughts and ideas.
My daughter is 7 and a half. One of her best friends is a 6 year old who lives two doors down from us. They often play together outside on the front lawns and sidewalk in front of our houses. Yesterday the 6 year old came over with her family's two dogs on leashes and asked if Rachel wanted to walk them with her.
A little background: I grew up terrified of dogs. I'm much more comfortable around them now, but I'm definitely not a "dog person" who understands dogs or knows how to handle them. I've never had a dog and don't plan to. The neighbours are "dog people"...the mom grew up with dogs and they have had dogs for years in their home. Their kids are being raised with dogs. Rachel (my daughter) is slightly uncomfortable around dogs, in particular dogs that bark a lot or jump up or run around. I have it as a goal in my mind to help her to be as comfortable around dogs as possible. One of the neighbour's dogs is "middle aged" and very calm. The other is a very excitable puppy.
My first thought when the 6 year old came to my door with the two dogs was that I didn't think she was big enough to handle the puppy, but I dismissed the thought because if her parents let her out with BOTH dogs, they must think she's big enough to handle them. I knew Rachel wouldn't be confident enough to handle the puppy and she said herself that she'd like to walk the dogs, but she wanted to have the older one. I felt comfortable with that because I knew that the older dog wouldn't drag her along or do anything surprising. The girls went outside with the dogs on their leashes to give them a little walk.
A few minutes later, I heard a loud scream and some yelling and crying. Sure enough, my neighbour's 6 year old got dragged by the puppy and fell over and skinned her knee. Her mom also heard the yelling and came out. She was mad that her daughter hadn't stayed in front of the house where she was supposed to be with the dogs (I live on the corner and she and my daughter were next to my house but around the corner on the other street.) Her mom asked what happened and her daughter told her that the puppy had dragged her over there and then she fell.
My response was to feel guilty. I had already thought that the 6 year old wasn't strong enough or confident enough to walk the puppy on her own, but I don't know much about dogs and her mom DID say it was ok for her to do it, although she did specify where she should be doing it. I felt guilty that they weren't where they were supposed to be, but I didn't KNOW where they were supposed to be. Should I have asked the girl where they were going to be walking the dogs? (I already knew that they have similar ranges for playing and walking...basically just around the block. So even if I did ask, I wouldn't have thought anything of it if she had said they were walking around the block.)
On one hand, I don't want to be questioning other parents' decisions regarding their own kids. On the other hand, I feel like I'm involved now since my daughter was out there with her. As I said, this is a very tiny example that resulted in a skinned knee, but it's a pattern with me to not know whether I should say something or not and I guess to defer to other people's expertise (my neighbour being an expert on her dogs and her kids, at the very least compared to me.) I certainly don't envision myself calling my neighbour to say "Are you sure it's a good idea to let your 6 year old take the two dogs outside on her own?"
Part of my worry is that I feel like I SHOULD know what's reasonable and what isn't for what kids are allowed to do, but there is such a wide range of beliefs about raising kids that I don't know if there really are SHOULDs in many cases. One neighbour gives her 6 year old much more freedom than I would ever allow at that age; another gives her 10 year old much less freedom than I'd allow at that age. Still, it's unnerving when I feel like I've let someone else's child do more than their parent would allow them to do when that child is "in my care." (Although the 6 year old WASN'T in my care. It just FELT that way because she came to my door with the dogs and I let Rachel go with her.)
The other part is the "what if" worrying. In this case, it was just a skinned knee, but what if the puppy had yanked the 6 year old in to the road just as a car was coming and the 6 year old got hit by the car? Do I have an obligation to tell my neighbour that I don't think letting her 6 year old walk the puppy on her own is a good idea because of the risk, however slight, of serious injury? And how will my neighbour take that kind of advice knowing that I don't know dogs much at all? Are my worries even based in reality or am I projecting from my own long term fear of dogs?
Oh, and if it seems that this reaction of mine is a bit over blown, I should probably also let you know that I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which not only leads me to obsess about issues like this, but it also leads me to doubt my own thoughts and ideas.
