Intentional inclusion

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It's a testimony to the human spirit that some people have the inspiration, know-how, patience and desire to help another person. A great way to share an experience with a friend.
 
Pinga said:
Have you witnessed similair acts of inclusion?
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I have.

During high-school I was on the wrestling team. One of the schools we competed against was W. Ross MacDonald which is a school for students with visual impairments. Contact had to be constant. Any break in contact would result in a stoppage and connection would be re-initiated.

Some of the wrestlers from W. Ross were provincially ranked and at least one I wrestled had competed nationally.

Apart from visual deficits which could be partial to total a number of their wrestlers were also deaf and mute.

I was always fascinated by the way their coaches could communicate instructions prior to each period. If one was ever tempted to listen in on the advice that those particular wrestlers were receiving from their coaches one would have to physically be a part of the conversation.

Pinga said:
Where do you see that we could be more intentional about inclusion?
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Ideally wherever we noticed exclusion.

Sometimes, as with the video and my wrestling anecdote the exclusion is obvious. Other times it isn't obvious.

At W. Ross and with wrestlers from W. Ross we accommodated their needs by modifying the technique we used while wrestling.

What if the wrestler we were currently fighting had a tendency to wrestle with their eyes closed? Would we use the same technique? No, we wouldn't.

And if the wrestler we were currently fighting experienced a definite deficit in the win column because of that tendency would we make the same accommodation? No, we wouldn't.

What if that wrestler asked for such an accommodation? It would be denied.

Are we then excluding?

Tough question. I would answer no, we aren't because we are not penalizing a wrestler with an actual deficit we are simply not accommodating a wrestler's poor habit.

Stepping outside of wrestling which has understood rules and objectives to something like social interaction makes the answer a little more difficult simply because it starts to include sympathetic tendency.

A wrestler who has the poor habit of wanting to wrestle with their eyes closed is not going to experience a lot of success. That is the result of their refusal to correct their problem. Individuals in social settings my have had poor socialization opportunities or skills. Do we accommodate those deficits by modifying the rules of social engagement or not?

Autism is a communications disorder which may make it difficult for those on the Autism spectrum to get social cues like facial expressions or tone of voice. In conversations with such individuals do we assume a flat affect? No, we don't. Do we suddenly become more literal in our speech? Well, we might.

The fact is that we will attempt to include folk who do have such a deficit and we are learning how to do so better.

What if the person is just a jerk or immature? Our patience with such folk is limited.

Are we demonstrating exclusive behaviour with our lack of patience for the jerk or the immature? At some point yes, we are. Is that a bad thing? No, it isn't. Why not? It is not a bad thing because accommodation means that we do not expect more on some level. We accommodate the blind because we do not assume their sight is something not accomodating for can correct. We accommodate those with communication deficits because we do not assume those deficits can be easily overcome. To accommodate the jerk or the immature means that we accept they can never be anything but jerks and immature.

I would argue that accommodation of the negative traits in some guarantees their habitual exclusion whereas a lack of tolerance of negative trait is the quickest route to have such individual address those social deficits.

This becomes harder when the individual is simply acting out a script that they have been taught since childhood.

Harder but no less important.
 
We sometimes find that trying to include one group of people clashes with our attempts to include others. I may have mentioned before that we've discovered that our Saturday evening drop-in people do not appreciate associating with a volunteer who happens to be gay. And our LGBT people feel threatened by the drop-in people.
 
An example of inclusion in our bowling league. Last summer a woman brought in her mother - a very obese woman. The younger woman explained that she wanted her mother to get out and socialize more. She would pay in advance every month or so, if we would include her mother. Well, that first day the daughter stayed - we wondered if the mother had more problems than just her weight.
As expected from the beginner, the mother threw gutter balls - and got angry at her daughter. "Take me home. I don't want this." We encouraged her to try again. Eventually she accidently got a ball down the centre of the lane and into the pocket - A STRIKE. She let out a whoop, grabbed the person next to her in a bear hug and swung her around. We kept encouraging her, even though she went back to gutter balls. She went home declaring that she wouldn't be back.
But the next week - there they were again, the daughter and her mother. Her bowling wasn't much improved but we continued to encourage. The next week, her daughter dropped her off and went shopping.
In the fall, I put her on a team with a very encouraging captain, still not sure how it would work out.
She only missed one week during the whole season - and she phoned to let us know she had a cold.
By spring she was helping out selling 50/50 tickets.
This summer she'd taken on another responsibility.
She smiles, laughs, talks with us - and I wouldn't be surprised if she's lost some weight.
Her bowling isn't great - but she's not on the bottom. She's having fun.
 
I just realized that I was posting in Parenting and my posts were about relations with adults. I hope I didn't derail the conversation.
 
In honour of the World Cup which is part of the catalyst for this thread please award yourself one yellow card.
 
i loved your story. It speaks of the importance of helping folks find their way into a group or activity. I think that your example is a perfect one of intentional inclusion.
 
On a lesser scale, I've included (or at least offered to include) lots of people into my nerdery at one point or another. Taking them through the rules of whatever game I'm indulging in, and encouraging them. I tend to be very much about the spirit and enjoyment of the game and hope to impart that same appreciation and enjoyment to whoever I am trying to include.

How do you think I got all my friends to continue showing up for my adventures as a GM all these years? :P

-Omni
 
Pinga said:
[FONT=Open Sans, sans-serif]Have you witnessed similar acts of inclusion?
Click to expand...
yuppers, in something as simple as women taking men into their washroom and vice versa
or a heterosexual couple changing roles and going out for a night in that role
or George Plimpton and his 'anthropological' escapades and then enabling us a look into the secret worlds that he managed to find a way into

Pinga said:
Where do you see that we could be more intentional about inclusion?
Click to expand...

By first becoming mindful of what one likes & dislikes, what one feels is real or not real, what one feels comfortable with and what one feels uncomfortable with...

And then intentionally doing something different from what you are used to...when you pick up the mail from the carrier, you can do anything you want to, really. When you get frustrated with a friend, isn't there some choice there? When you immediately react to someone, besides the reaction, isn't there a choice in how you are going to act?

Talk to squirrels. Lie down in streets. Play with children as they play, by their rules. Witness a bumble bee and lavender. Go up to a stranger and ask them what they would like to do next?

You build the habit of including. Eventually, it can become close to second-nature.

And so forth
 
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