I haven’t posted much in awhile. This has been on my mind, and it’s kind of personal. Here goes…
It’s been quite a few years now, that I’ve been single. There have been no shortage of flirty, flattering men around me, lately. It’s weird because I’m in my early 50s but they seem interested in me (at first). I’m in a place now where I could see myself having a relationship with someone again. I don’t think I want to get settled down again, but having a steady partner/ companion is something I’ve considered.
The problem is once they realize dating someone disabled is more complicated they lose interest. Politely, but I feel it, and it still hurts a bit. Because the problem, the inadequacy, falls on me. I don’t think peoples’ first thought is, “There are a lot of things we can’t do because it’s not accessible, and that’s a systemic problem.” It’s more, “She can’t do that, so we can’t do that. Our dating options as per social expectations are limited, and that’s off-putting.” And they realize that trying is going to involve learning to get used to the stares and the whispers, the awkwardness of finding ways to deal with barriers in public, and having to ignore peoples’ judgements. So, the response is, “If you can’t beat (’em judgmental people), join ‘em.” I could have a friends with benefits situation, but I would do so feeling like the only reason it isn’t more than that is ‘my disability’. And I’m not going to let myself get hurt like that. I deserve better than that. However, especially since I’ve had my scooter, it’s a consideration.
This has a broader impact. Social isolation and not being able to take part in activities are some major reasons why people choose MAiD (which I’m not doing - I’m just discussing). The problem, though, does not come down to the individual. It’s society’s response. And these days, the response is less, rather than more, accessibility minded. It’s obviously not just about dating - but social belonging in general. This is killing people. MAiD deaths were up 31.2% in 2022, compared to the previous year. And, in March 2024 mental illness will be an eligible reason. Social isolation is a feature of most mental illness, which is more common in people with other disabilities and chronic conditions. Accessibility - and acceptance of disability - needs to be more of a priority. This is the effect of our human rights being sidelined - it changes social attitudes, and more people feel hopeless in a society less accepting - and where barriers aren’t coming down, so you just don’t see us in those places. Out of sight, out of mind. It’s deliberate.
It’s been quite a few years now, that I’ve been single. There have been no shortage of flirty, flattering men around me, lately. It’s weird because I’m in my early 50s but they seem interested in me (at first). I’m in a place now where I could see myself having a relationship with someone again. I don’t think I want to get settled down again, but having a steady partner/ companion is something I’ve considered.
The problem is once they realize dating someone disabled is more complicated they lose interest. Politely, but I feel it, and it still hurts a bit. Because the problem, the inadequacy, falls on me. I don’t think peoples’ first thought is, “There are a lot of things we can’t do because it’s not accessible, and that’s a systemic problem.” It’s more, “She can’t do that, so we can’t do that. Our dating options as per social expectations are limited, and that’s off-putting.” And they realize that trying is going to involve learning to get used to the stares and the whispers, the awkwardness of finding ways to deal with barriers in public, and having to ignore peoples’ judgements. So, the response is, “If you can’t beat (’em judgmental people), join ‘em.” I could have a friends with benefits situation, but I would do so feeling like the only reason it isn’t more than that is ‘my disability’. And I’m not going to let myself get hurt like that. I deserve better than that. However, especially since I’ve had my scooter, it’s a consideration.
This has a broader impact. Social isolation and not being able to take part in activities are some major reasons why people choose MAiD (which I’m not doing - I’m just discussing). The problem, though, does not come down to the individual. It’s society’s response. And these days, the response is less, rather than more, accessibility minded. It’s obviously not just about dating - but social belonging in general. This is killing people. MAiD deaths were up 31.2% in 2022, compared to the previous year. And, in March 2024 mental illness will be an eligible reason. Social isolation is a feature of most mental illness, which is more common in people with other disabilities and chronic conditions. Accessibility - and acceptance of disability - needs to be more of a priority. This is the effect of our human rights being sidelined - it changes social attitudes, and more people feel hopeless in a society less accepting - and where barriers aren’t coming down, so you just don’t see us in those places. Out of sight, out of mind. It’s deliberate.
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