Al-anon

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Smote

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I'm considering going to an Al-Anon meeting and I wonder if anyone here would like to share any experiences with the organization, first-hand or otherwise. (I can appreciate that the 'anon' part of Al-Anon may make you not wish to share and of course that's fine.)
 
Yes, that's right. I was wondering if anyone here had attended a meeting or knew anyone who did and if they had any thoughts to share.
 
I have not been to a meeting smote, but I have a friend who has attended for many many years - her husband has been sober more than 20 years now, but she continues to faithfully go a meeting weekly to support others who are newer in the journey.

I have another friend who's been going for a couple of years (I think) & has learned a lot - found it really helpful.

I suspect people are quite welcoming - and I hope you will find courage to take that step.
 
Thanks, Carolla, for the insight and reassurance. After a few false starts I think I'll be able to get myself there.
 
Alcoholism, or any type of substance abuse, is such a tough situation in which to live - it surely does affect the whole family in ways that are both evident and hidden. Connecting with others, learning, working on change oneself can be so very valuable. Like with any group thing though, it might take trying a few times, or visiting a few different meeting groups to find one that seems a good fit for you. There's a great online directory where you can see what's available in your neighbourhood.
 
For many years my sister lived with a dry alcoholic. He went to AA. She went to Al-anon. She found it a wonderful supportive group and would recommend it to anybody closely connected with an alcoholic or heavy-drinker, whether he is in AA or denies he (or she) has a problem.
The anon is real. Over the years I met many of their friends. I presumed that one (or possibly both) of each couple was an alcoholic but I never knew which.
I learned a lot from my sister. One hint that almost everybody can follow. If organizing an event in which alcohol will be served, make sure to have equally attractive non-alcoholic drinks available. This may mean two punch bowls with cherries and orange and lemon slices - clearly marked. Don't serve attractive drinks in tall glasses, or good wine in stem-ware and expect non-drinkers to be happy to drink coke from the bottle.
 
This is all exactly the kind of information I was looking for. Thank you both. I'm reluctant to go as that's of course an admission that something's wrong, or wrong for me; worse, I actually feel like it's somehow an insult or hurtful to him for me to even consider it. But it seems clear that there are others who have dealt with this type of thing and those who continue to do so. Knowing I'm not alone will surely help. Thanks again.
 
I attended AlAnon about 30 years ago, and it likely is going to be your life saver- because being in a relationship with an alcoholic , you likely haven t noticed how that already has dragged you down. If your self esteem was untouched and healthy, you wouldn't question yourself and just go. Let it be a warning sign, that just the fact that you are considering that doing something good for yourself might make him feel bad, would keep you from doing it. I not only went to Al Anon but also had to have psychotherapy to regain my self worth to a healthy level. And this is not to blame the alcoholic- these mechanisms just sneak into the relationship. Al Anon is not there to make the partner stop drinking, it is completely for yourself. Nobody has the right to keep you from doing something for yourself. Be aware though, that anything can happen as a result. It will hopefully help you and therefore change you which could in turn change your relationship. Its a good start to start with the serenity prayer.
It took me several month to finally make the appointment for the psychotherapy. Later, I wondered why I didn't do it earlier.
 
Mrs.Anteater said:
I attended AlAnon about 30 years ago, and it likely is going to be your life saver- because being in a relationship...
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I second Carolla's comment. Thank you so much. And I definitely see my reluctance as a flag. And you'll be glad to know that I'd actually brought this up with my psychotherapist in case she thought they'd be at cross-purposes and she had nothing but good things to say and feels that it will be an excellent complement to the work we're doing. So I feel I have an action plan in place, waiting for me to start.
 
I hope there are several al-anon groups in your area, Smote . . . so you have a few to choose from so that you can find the best "fit" for you.
 
Smote said:
I second Carolla's comment. Thank you so much. And I definitely see my reluctance as a flag. And you'll be glad to know that I'd actually brought this up with my psychotherapist in case she thought they'd be at cross-purposes and she had nothing but good things to say and feels that it will be an excellent complement to the work we're doing. So I feel I have an action plan in place, waiting for me to start.
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Great to hear that, Smote.
 
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