how do you fight?

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JayneWonders

JayneWonders

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Do you store stuff up, and then it all come out?
Do you discuss items at once
Do you never fight, just breathe.

What is your normal approach to challenges with close family or friends?
 
ninj said:
Passive agressive -- horrible. Never learned to fight properly. I avoid unpleasantness :rolleyes:
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Not a bad description of me as well. I am quite conflict averse with the result that "passive aggressive" can be a position I take. Just plain "passive" happens a lot, too. Basically, sit back and hope for the best or let things come to a head and sort them out under pressure (which has been shockingly successful as part of my management style over the years).
 
Never ever am I passive aggressive. PA people are very triggering to me.

I try to deal with conflicts openly and assertively but this is easier said than done.
 
Mendalla said:
Not a bad description of me as well. I am quite conflict averse with the result that "passive aggressive" can be a position I take. Just plain "passive" happens a lot, too
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Passive and passive aggressive are two completely different things. Glad to see you differentiating between the two.

Mendalla said:
. Basically, sit back and hope for the best or let things come to a head and sort them out under pressure (which has been shockingly successful as part of my management style over the years).
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Hmm
Not sure if this is passive aggressive or wise. I probably wouldn't care for a boss who behaved in this fashion
 
I try to follow : listen, think, solve. That can appear to be passive as i may take a day or days to listen and ponder.
I also try to ask clarifying questions: make sure i understand.
I avoid reopening a conversation until able to have conversation in neutral territory and i think there is a point to it.

I do my best to not buy into someone else's anger, pain, anxiety.
I will at times say "show me".
I do despise triangles. They piss me off.

I am not a yeller. I don't like losing control. Might be better if i was.

If someone is out of control and yelling it is too damn easy to get sucked in. I do my best to not partake though, sadly, that can irritate them more.


If someone yells at me, i am most likely to shutdown and get quiet.. Used to have a manger who did so on the phone and in person. I hung up on him one day. Refused his calls. Next day we had a conversation how he would never do that again or i would go to hr. We arranged a codeword for me to say if he was stepping out of line, so not to embarrass him. It worked.

I don't understand losing control, I guess.
 
JayneWonders said:
I try to follow : listen, think, solve. That can appear to be passive as i may take a day or days to listen and ponder.
I also try to ask clarifying questions: make sure i understand.
I avoid reopening a conversation until able to have conversation in neutral territory and i think there is a point to it.

I do my best to not buy into someone else's anger, pain, anxiety.
I will at times say "show me".
I do despise triangles. They piss me off.

I am not a yeller. I don't like losing control. Might be better if i was.

If someone is out of control and yelling it is too damn easy to get sucked in. I do my best to not partake though, sadly, that can irritate them more.


If someone yells at me, i am most likely to shutdown and get quiet.. Used to have a manger who did so on the phone and in person. I hung up on him one day. Refused his calls. Next day we had a conversation how he would never do that again or i would go to hr. We arranged a codeword for me to say if he was stepping out of line, so not to embarrass him. It worked.

I don't understand losing control, I guess.
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So interesting because I perceive your conflict management style online to be extremely aggressive. Wouldn't be surprised to hear you see me the same way. :) haha neither of us avoids conflict which is actually a good thing I would say.
 
paradox3 said:
Not sure if this is passive aggressive or wise. I probably wouldn't care for a boss who behaved in this fashion
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Keep in mind that I was in the role for 8 years before I was a boss. And I have improved a lot in 25 years. I certainly am much less like that than I used to be and the management side of the role is where I consciously avoid it. It is more when dealing with certain people and outside partners nowadays.
 
paradox3 said:
So interesting because I perceive your conflict management style online to be extremely aggressive. Wouldn't be surprised to hear you see me the same way. :) haha neither of us avoids conflict which is actually a good thing I would say.
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I see you as direct.

Does direct imply aggression?
I am betting some people feel it does
 
I'm thinking that there are families who are more vocal , what I perceive of as fighting or yelling


I think of the classic big Italian families ( stereotype i know) versus the reserved families (British)
 
I have been known to be something of a yeller. More dramatic than otherwise, but also, preferably private. My children were schooled in private conversations that began with "what the f*** were you thinking of?"

And if I mutter "you stupid f***ing c***", I probably love you.

I always hope that we all stay assertive, not aggressive.
 
JayneWonders said:
I think of the classic big Italian families ( stereotype i know) versus the reserved families (British)
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Have you ever watched the movie So I Married an Axe Murderer? Mike Myers in it and he intros his fiancee to his scottish family and they are over the top insulting each other all the time and such and they loved each other dearly

Well, I had a gaming buddy who was scottish and one time I was invited to have a family meal and they were EXACTLY like the family in the movie :3
 
I haven’t had a fight in a long time. My best friend tends to be a know-it-all and a “do- it-exactly -as - I-say person, which is stronger when she is not feeling well. It annoys me ( and her family), but I can let it go, because it really is about minor things, like do something this way and not that way, put this here and not there. I suppose it’s about being in control of things while she isn’t in control of her pain nor the alcoholism of her husband or the mental health of her son. I have a friend in Germany who has similar tendencies but we can talk about it, which brings a friendship to a whole different level.
 
Mrs.Anteater said:
I haven’t had a fight in a long time. My best friend tends to be a know-it-all and a “do- it-exactly -as - I-say person, which is stronger when she is not feeling well. It annoys me ( and her family), but I can let it go, because it really is about minor things, like do something this way and not that way, put this here and not there. I suppose it’s about being in control of things while she isn’t in control of her pain nor the alcoholism of her husband or the mental health of her son. I have a friend in Germany who has similar tendencies but we can talk about it, which brings a friendship to a whole different level.
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Sounds like my late mother (a very unhappy person for reasons we don't know) it was do this do that and when done she didn't like it because of powers that disrupted te powers hidden in her folds of thinking ... Mani wrinkles? The Scots were mean with their wrinkles ... they found high spots to hammer 'M down ... there too were consequences ... hard to escape what follows anything that's done with ... chi still haunts me with whatever's doing ... as a Xi!

It was a chimera eL Zae ... it too went round! Is that ultimate? Nt likely ... you can almost bet something will come o] vite ... take my word, or Poe Meis ole ... it all goes down! Buried in high story ... wicked!
 
JayneWonders said:
@Mrs.Anteater I love how you can decide that you can ignore those comments.

It sounds like you feel naming isn't worth potentially ending the relationship
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I don’t know, maybeI am just chickening out. I find it much harder having an open and honest relationship with Canadians than with Germans. When I see my German friend, who I only have email contact on a monthly basis, we usually can get right to the level of relationship we had before I left Germany. My Canadian friends, I feel I have to tiptoe around certain things as they are setting clear boundaries.
 
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