Alright already. f***.
I have decided to stay home for two weeks. I've done it before for not this reason. It was after my separation. It was probably 3 weeks, maybe a month, with the exception of a few half hour trips to the store, but hardly any - then somebody peeled me off the floor (not literally but almost - I was sleeping in a half deflated air bed "our" furniture was in storage and I am still paying for it because I want a place for it someday - which had been replaced twice and I ditched it for the floor because I had no money. f***ed up my back.) Then a friend rescued me and let me stay with her for a couple of weeks - I was effectively homeless - and I came here. It was a rough time. Nobody here really gave much of a s**t so I put on my brave face and you all just thought I was angry with "my hot button issues". That's not to say I wasn't but when I am in survival mode it's just how I need to be. Pissed off. Being pissed off about stuff saved my life, If you have never been in survival mode like that you wouldn't know.Nevermind. I lost my whole life once already - everything. But, frankly, most people are annoying if one is around them too much anyway, so - from that perspective, I can do it. I'll look after myself. Everyone else is. It'll be rough and may turn out to be a total waste of time - but I can't talk about it anymore so I will just stay home and let this pass. And the rest of the chips will fall where they may afterwards. I might lose even more of what I don't have, and can never save up to keep up with, things that would improve my quality of life and prospect of a future - but f*** it. You can all criticize me all you want but I'm way stronger than you all think! Many of you would've shrivelled up already if you'd been through what I have - the steady constant challenges all the f***ing time. My life looks nothing the same as it was since I have known most of you. Nothing at all. But you wouldn't know it.
This is not fun let's be positive and do a puzzle, for some of us. f*** off to whoever is trying to sound like it is. You're too priveleged if you think that.