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Mrs.Anteater said:
My son got a text from his dad that he is giving up his appartment ( in Banff) and moving to the Philippines, but possibly going to LA before in December. He is sending five boxes to the Philippines. He has been talking about doing this for two years. We don’t have much information. There is some Philippina who he might have met when on vacation two years ago to whm he has sent money before for a “;food truck business”- but this somehow didn’t work out. ThePhillipina suddenly changed her last name to his last name on her facebook page a few months ago.
My ex is going to be 61. The year before vacationing in the Phillipines, he was in Italy and came back and said he was going to move to Italy. It always were just ideas. Now he is actually giving up his appartment.
My son said he had talked about “ becoming a paparazzi” to make money- that’s where the LA destination might come from.

My ex always needed people to help him, when we immigrated to Canada, I was the one who did all the paperwork, or it wouldn’t have happened.
I am worried he might now have a more serious condition with regards to mental health, or he is just being taken advantage of by someone who thinks he might be a sugar daddy. He can’t plan, so he doesn’t have a lot of money, so the sugar daddy thing will not work out.
I am not sure what to tell my son. I said he should call him and ask him all those open questions, like what he is going to live on, an address, health insurance, visa status, how he will keep contact with him.
I wonder, what my son could do if it sounds he is really having serious delusions ( which he never had before, he only had stupid ideas). But the paparazzi idea sounds so far off, that I wonder if there is something more going on.....
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Has he always had a mental illness or learning disability? It doesn't sounds like he ever met the norm that way?
 
ChemGal said:
Has he always had a mental illness or learning disability? It doesn't sounds like he ever met the norm that way?
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I wouldn’t say that he had a mental illness. He always managed to hold a job, though he prefered not to work and use his time for his leisure activities instead, and he has done that living on German social assistance to improve his skills in martial arts. When we divorced and I had to pay him out over $50000 ( our house was almost paid off thanks to an inheritance that I had received), instead of applying to the full time job that was just coming up at his workplace ( he was working casual hours for years), he quit and lived on it, so it was gone after 8 months. He moved to Alberta after that, after he told his son, that he is the most important person in his life.
When junior was in need of speech therapy and had trouble with learning to read, I figured out that they both share an auditory learning disability resulting in poor writing skills for junior and a very strong German accent for his dad.
When he moved to Banff, he lived in a tent on a camp ground, so that inJanuary, the local Catholic priest took him in ( until March, he must have gotten tired of taking care of him by then).
The most painful part of our divorce was that before he left to go to AB, he said several times that he is leaving next day, so I kept bringen junior over to say goodbye, but then he didn’t leave. So I stopped bringing him over. Once he was in AB, he kept promising to come for a visit, but then he wouldn’t come. Junior was 10 at the time of our separation, so by the time he was 13, he painfully learned that dad has good intentions, but is not reliable.
 
Mrs.Anteater said:
I wouldn’t say that he had a mental illness. He always managed to hold a job, though he prefered not to work and use his time for his leisure activities instead, and he has done that living on German social assistance to improve his skills in martial arts. When we divorced and I had to pay him out over $50000 ( our house was almost paid off thanks to an inheritance that I had received), instead of applying to the full time job that was just coming up at his workplace ( he was working casual hours for years), he quit and lived on it, so it was gone after 8 months. He moved to Alberta after that, after he told his son, that he is the most important person in his life.
When junior was in need of speech therapy and had trouble with learning to read, I figured out that they both share an auditory learning disability resulting in poor writing skills for junior and a very strong German accent for his dad.
When he moved to Banff, he lived in a tent on a camp ground, so that inJanuary, the local Catholic priest took him in ( until March, he must have gotten tired of taking care of him by then).
The most painful part of our divorce was that before he left to go to AB, he said several times that he is leaving next day, so I kept bringen junior over to say goodbye, but then he didn’t leave. So I stopped bringing him over. Once he was in AB, he kept promising to come for a visit, but then he wouldn’t come. Junior was 10 at the time of our separation, so by the time he was 13, he painfully learned that dad has good intentions, but is not reliable.
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Sounds like there's something new that is compounded due to the learning disability (ies? his planning issues suggest more to me). Not easy for anyone, hopefully he will continue to get by even if it's not what most of us will choose. Moving & working elsewhere isn't simple, he might just be stopped.
 
What a sticky situation Mrs Anteater. Easy for those on the outside to have opinions and fixes - way harder to actually deal with a situation. I'm pretty sure my shoes would have walked away from him many, many years ago , but I understand your lingering sense of connection. The people I know who went through the 'dead beat dad' nonsense all seem to have allowed him to drop out of the lives so I can't help with that either. I hope it all works out OK.
 
Ouch, ouch, ouch, Mrs. A. I understand your lingering sense of responsibility, and that of Jr. I watched a little of that in action in my own life last summer.

In honour of the day, Bette adds a little stash of special tea bags (ADULT USE ONLY) to the variety of herbal tea bags available in the cupboard left of the woodstove. Nettle, raspberry leaf, peppermint, a little catnip (too much turns it into a sleepy time tea), cannabis leaf. Gentle relaxing effect, very "green" tasting. Perfect with a ginger biscuit for a refreshing mid-afternoon break.
 
BetteTheRed said:
Ouch, ouch, ouch, Mrs. A. I understand your lingering sense of responsibility, and that of Jr. I watched a little of that in action in my own life last summer.

In honour of the day, Bette adds a little stash of special tea bags (ADULT USE ONLY) to the variety of herbal tea bags available in the cupboard left of the woodstove. Nettle, raspberry leaf, peppermint, a little catnip (too much turns it into a sleepy time tea), cannabis leaf. Gentle relaxing effect, very "green" tasting. Perfect with a ginger biscuit for a refreshing mid-afternoon break.
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Sorry, unrelated to the topic, but I'm just curious how you handle all the herbal stuff when on a prescription? Some interactions are known, but I feel like so many aren't or even if that information exists, it's not well shared.
Obviously the type of prescription can make a difference, around longer there's probably more information about interactions.
 
Feeling for your and your son's trials right now, Mrs. Anteater. If your ex were a character in a book, it would be interesting; in real life, it is painful.
I haven't been here for quite awhile so have missed some of the many discussions I'm sure all of you have engaged in. I'm tripping along in a busy life, worrying about a son who can't find work, picking up the pieces from our last church camp season (broken pieces!) etc. Today, I attended training to be a voting clerk in the municipal election on Monday. Babysitting, leading worship services, church meetings, sorority work, and quality time with friends are all on the agenda for the next few days...Variety is the spice of life, and mine is definitely spicy. Right now...I'm heading out to dig under the snow to rake up some leaves.
 
@ChemGal -- my oncologist and pharmacist were really clear about herbal medicines when I was on chemo. If I wished to use them, they would support me, but, needed to know about them so that they could check out interactions. I chose not to use anything other than my prescribed meds.
 
ChemGal said:
Sorry, unrelated to the topic, but I'm just curious how you handle all the herbal stuff when on a prescription? Some interactions are known, but I feel like so many aren't or even if that information exists, it's not well shared.
Obviously the type of prescription can make a difference, around longer there's probably more information about interactions.
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I would have no idea. I take no prescriptions regularly, use a little OTC pain relief/antihistamines, only. My nurse-practitioner generally knows of my habits; it just hasn't come up.
 
@Pinga Yes, I agree that informing doctors, the pharmacist, etc. is important. The problem though is they can only state what they know/what pops up in their system.
@BetteTheRed for you I figured it would just short term things. If you did need some more serious treatment do you think you would limit the herbs even if there was no information that showed potential interactions?
 
I abstain if I'm asked to. Prior to a colonoscopy, it's 48 hrs alcohol free and 24 hrs cannabis free. I don't have a problem sticking with those parameters. Should I, Godde forbid, have to deal with cancer, I'd probably expect to use some cannabis, as appropriate, for nausea relief, appetite stimulant, etc., maybe less likely to be smoked.
 
BetteTheRed said:
I abstain if I'm asked to. Prior to a colonoscopy, it's 48 hrs alcohol free and 24 hrs cannabis free. I don't have a problem sticking with those parameters. Should I, Godde forbid, have to deal with cancer, I'd probably expect to use some cannabis, as appropriate, for nausea relief, appetite stimulant, etc., maybe less likely to be smoked.
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I don't just mean the cannabis though, that's probably better known that some of the other stuff!
One of the gardening things had someone making herbal teas. It was interesting, but I passed on the majority. Probably safe, especially as it wasn't like I was doing it daily and it was tastings, not large quantities. I did try a few, but stuff that I think of as food, say a dandelion leaf tea (likely to be in a salad) rather than the raspberry leaf tea. Maybe overly cautious, fruit juices might be a greater concern than most herbal items, but I'm not familiar enough to know and I do feel like there's too much of the attitude of it's natural, it's from my backyard, forested area by my house, etc. it's safe.
 
BetteTheRed said:
I abstain if I'm asked to. Prior to a colonoscopy, it's 48 hrs alcohol free and 24 hrs cannabis free. I don't have a problem sticking with those parameters. Should I, Godde forbid, have to deal with cancer, I'd probably expect to use some cannabis, as appropriate, for nausea relief, appetite stimulant, etc., maybe less likely to be smoked.
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I asked about smoking marijuana during treatments for what you mentioned, @BetteTheRed and the pharmacist said "our stuff is much better".
 
ChemGal said:
I don't just mean the cannabis though, that's probably better known that some of the other stuff!
One of the gardening things had someone making herbal teas. It was interesting, but I passed on the majority. Probably safe, especially as it wasn't like I was doing it daily and it was tastings, not large quantities. I did try a few, but stuff that I think of as food, say a dandelion leaf tea (likely to be in a salad) rather than the raspberry leaf tea. Maybe overly cautious, fruit juices might be a greater concern than most herbal items, but I'm not familiar enough to know and I do feel like there's too much of the attitude of it's natural, it's from my backyard, forested area by my house, etc. it's safe.
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I use stuff with a strong background of being helpful, but mild. I don't even mess with stuff as strong as St. John's Wort. And even though I've been known to make teas with chaste tree berry for myself and close lady friends, I always plaster them with warnings about keeping them away from men. But raspberry leaf, nettle, lemon balm, cannabis/hemp fan leaf, the mints/sages, catnip, rose hips, mullein, red clover, colts foot, motherwort, etc., are fairly old remedies for a healthful tea. Used by witch-y sorts on several continents.
 
KayTheCurler said:
What a sticky situation Mrs Anteater. Easy for those on the outside to have opinions and fixes - way harder to actually deal with a situation. I'm pretty sure my shoes would have walked away from him many, many years ago , but I understand your lingering sense of connection. The people I know who went through the 'dead beat dad' nonsense all seem to have allowed him to drop out of the lives so I can't help with that either. I hope it all works out OK.
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Oh, I walked away thirteen years ago and he basically never spoke to me after the separation, but having a son together means I had to soften, explain, or mostly just excuse his behaviour. And I think that a son cannot ignore what happens to his father or just deal with him disappearing. When he moved to Banff, he used to just walk up into the mountains by himself not telling anybody where he was going and the first years , I was waiting for a call that he was found somewhere. But then, he had not kept up his car and could not make it far anymore without transportation, mostly went fishing or played video games and I stopped worrying.
 
I am not sure that "like" is the right response. I appreciate that how a loss to him put him less at risk, and you less worry.
 
More than that, it was that painful spring and summer while my son moved back and forth between his dad's place in Owen Sound and mine in Barrie. He could get easy temp work here to make a bit of money, not really as easy up there. And watching his Dad suffer so much before he died was very painful for a pretty sensitive person. My daughter didn't provide that level of emotional support to her Dad. Parent/child relationships are so individual and so unique. I/we were very lucky that about 15 years ago, my ex hooked up with a very pleasant Italian lady who was a more nurturing type than I and took very good care of him, but she was really happy to have my son's help and support. If you know that your ex is a vulnerable person, it's nice for everyone if they have a network of love and support, in as non-enabling a fashion as possible.
 
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