Transgenderism ..... ask your questions!

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Rita, how doe sCanada compare to other locations around the globe regarding rights?
How safe is it for you to say travel to the US for vacation? To central america for a winter vacation?
 
Carolla said:
Excellent thread Rita - I'm so honoured to have you here.

In our hospitals, where many/most inpatient rooms are shared - most institutions still sort by "plumbing" to assign patients to rooms . This can be challenging for trans folk who have not transitioned "the plumbing", but usually we can work out solutions - often by providing private rooms. Stigma and discomfort still run high (sadly) & so this seems often to be the best option for all - would you agree or do you have other suggestions?

I'm wondering about the jail & prison system too - where such accommodations may not be feasible. It must be unbelievably difficult for trans folk to be in those institutions. Are there any initiatives that you know of to accommodate transgendered people who must be securely incarcerated?
Click to expand...
Carolla ... you certainly have put your finger on a huge problem for us....
Institutions of all sorts....
First ....let us start with the law here in Ontario ..... Ontario Human Rights Commission .... Bill C-33 Toby's Law ... June 2012
A trans person has the right to the gender specific facilities according to the gender they identify with.
This means that a trans woman has to be treated "the same as" any other woman and a trans man has to be treated "the same as" any other man.
Our group is getting that message out to medical institutions and long term care facilities.
As for correctional institutions, police forces etc .... here in Ontario the same rule applies.
This is a huge challenge and there is much to be done. Already there have been human rights cases.
However .... not so with federal institutions .... they come under only the federal human rights code.
Here we have Bill C-279 stalled in the senate by the Conservative government. It has been there for 18 months and there seems to be an effort to ride it out until the election so that it dies in the senate.
This bill would make the federal human rights code similar to the Ontario code.
For now ... when I enter a federal institution ... I am again measured on my plumbing and I am not even allowed my female name.
Lots of work to do .... and I am doing what I can....
 
hmm, rita , your comment made me think on something.

I don't worry that if I get dementia that I will be cared for n the way that I have been to-date, ie, I anticipate people will keep my hair similair, allow me to dress as I do, maybe more comfortably, but I will look like me.

Agin, as someone who keeps same plumbing, but, presents as other gender, could be a challenge if dementia kicks in. What rights are there to ensure your caregivers keep you as you are.
 
Pinga said:
Rita, how doe sCanada compare to other locations around the globe regarding rights?
How safe is it for you to say travel to the US for vacation? To central america for a winter vacation?
Click to expand...
Quite a question Pinga....
Compared to the rest of the globe ... we are a patchwork and I would say in the upper 1/3 of the pack.
Ontario, British Columbia, Nova Scotia, North West Territories are amongst the leaders.
Travelling to the USA ..... a patchwork because in many states we have no rights.
Some states it is just certain cities that there are some rights.
We risk arrest just for using a bathroom.
Then there is crossing the border ..... some places ok .... other places not so...
Travelling further abroad ..... only practical if all legal paperwork is in your new gender and you are "passable"
Quite a quandary for us...
 
RitaG . . . you are the only transgendering/transgendered (not sure which is the right term?) that I am aware of that I know. I'm sure I have met others, just not aware of it. I am so humbled by your life, your sharing, your giving of yourself, of your willingness to open yourself in this way and in this forum. I know we all face challenges in life . . . and we each have to deal with our own. I know I have had challenges in my life . . . but never the challenge of having to be someone I'm not, because of fear, persecution, lack of understanding, etc. You are an amazing human being, an amazing woman. I am so blessed to have met you here.

I'm not sure how personal you want to be . . . but can you tell us at what age you realized your mind/heart where in the wrong gendered body?
And at what age you started living as a woman?

I have seen shows on tv where young children are transgendering in their lives at very early ages - what do you think about this?
 
Pinga said:
hmm, rita , your comment made me think on something.

I don't worry that if I get dementia that I will be cared for n the way that I have been to-date, ie, I anticipate people will keep my hair similair, allow me to dress as I do, maybe more comfortably, but I will look like me.

Agin, as someone who keeps same plumbing, but, presents as other gender, could be a challenge if dementia kicks in. What rights are there to ensure your caregivers keep you as you are.
Click to expand...
This is the very issue that we are discussing with long term care facilities Pinga...
Here are the rights....
1. We still have the right to be treated according to the gender we identify with.
2. Should we waffle back and forth because of dementia we still have the right to do so and be treated according to the gender claimed at the time. When severe ... we are recommending that the gender identity claimed the majority of the time be the "home" position but still as much latitude as possible for variations be assured.
3. Power of Attorney for Care ... is NOT absolute ...... any decision a person can still make for themselves that does not endanger their health or safety is still theirs to make. In other words ... the maximum amount of personal autonomy as possible.
This is quite a challenge but now the law and the policy are very clear ..... we have so very much to do.
Already there has been such a case and the facility is struggling to do things right
 
Beloved said:
RitaG . . . you are the only transgendering/transgendered (not sure which is the right term?) that I am aware of that I know. I'm sure I have met others, just not aware of it. I am so humbled by your life, your sharing, your giving of yourself, of your willingness to open yourself in this way and in this forum. I know we all face challenges in life . . . and we each have to deal with our own. I know I have had challenges in my life . . . but never the challenge of having to be someone I'm not, because of fear, persecution, lack of understanding, etc. You are an amazing human being, an amazing woman. I am so blessed to have met you here.

I'm not sure how personal you want to be . . . but can you tell us at what age you realized your mind/heart where in the wrong gendered body?
And at what age you started living as a woman?

I have seen shows on tv where young children are transgendering in their lives at very early ages - what do you think about this?
Click to expand...
Thank you Beloved ..... and I am opening up my life here to help..... your question is fine and I thank you for asking. Transgender is the term you are looking for :)
Ok .... 12 years of age ..... an old aunt had stored some clothes in an outbuilding on our farm. I was in the loft dressing and I didn't know why. ....... hell...... I was the only freak like me.....
Earlier ... before beginning school..... I can remember one incident...
Those times the girls and boys do the "so me yours and I will show you mine" sort of thing.
I and another girl ..... I was amazed and how I wished mine was like hers.....
When did I begin living as a woman.....
Lets see .... decades of denial and fighting this .... decades... I am 60 now...
At 50 or so ... I just couldn't do it anymore .... I had to begin the change....
Now ... how you does a child really know?
Turns out the younger a child is when they begin to insist and persist that the stronger this is....
The earlier the realization ... the more urgent the need to carefully listen...
I hope that helps :)
 
Rita, you have children, I think?
Are you mother to them or father?
I apologize for the question but I can't
get my head together. Thank you for being so open.
 
crazyheart said:
Rita, you have children, I think?
Are you mother to them or father?
I apologize for the question but I can't
get my head together. Thank you for being so open.
Click to expand...
I have 4 children and 8 grandchildren .... I also have a wife .... will be 37 years in May....
I am and always will be my children's father. .... I could never be their mother nor do I feel that is my place....
History ...... no sense denying it ..... reality....
As for the grandkids .... we don't know yet....
Like most trans persons in Northern Ontario I live a blended life....
Family knows ... but for their sake .... because I love them ..... at home I present as male.
I will continue to do this for as long as I am able....
This is very difficult and one could easily argue the case for doing this or not ..... no good answers... complex....
Once again ... roles built on the gender binary ...... how I wish I could just be regarded as a parent and a grandparent.
This is all very sensitive territory and thank you for daring to ask .....
As you can see ..... we (I) struggle with this too......
 
Rita, you mention sometimes not having the right to use your transgender name. I know some people who have legally changed their name for various reasons--one to closer identify with her native heritage, another simply because she didn't like her old-fashion unusual name. Once you have gone through the legal process, and your SIN card, drivers' license, library card, bank accounts, etc. are in your new name, wouldn't people (police, border crossing personnel, prison guards, school teachers, etc.) be required to use your name even if you were a man named Starlight or a woman named Cinnamon, or whatever you choose. I knew a Judy who changed to Aurara Borialis. It took some getting used to.
 
RitaTG, where are you able to present in the way you feel is true to your inner being? Do you have to travel away? Are there places in your region that you feel comfortable.

Note: I remember a woman who came to our church as woman, her son came for a while, and finally other members. It was a safe place for her to be her, and to be welcomed as her, and for her family to adapt to people seeing their "dad" as a faithful woman.
 
Hi Rita. Coming out of longterm lurkdom to say thanks for this thread. I am reading with both interest and gratitude for your willingness to share your knowledge and experiences.
 
RitaTG, what particular concerns are there for workplace.

Washrooms in workplaces are almost always male/female.
People are known professionally as one thing, and I know for sure, that our HR systems and , our transition to the email systems etc, all use legal name. That can't be easy.

What can I do to help to make them less of a concern?
 
Rita, do you ever wish that you were not transgendered? If so, why? If not, was there ever a time in which you did?
 
I find it difficult to believe that kids younger than pre-teen can be so sure to be transgender. Now, I suppose by pre teen you get a feeling for your sexual orientation and as you said, gender orientation is different from sexual orientation. But kids have so much fantasy - some kids are just "tom boys", some parents might press kids into a roll of being the boy or girl they really wanted... How could one make sure it really is the kid's wish and not the parents influence?
 
RitaTG - thank you for sharing, for informing, for enlightening, for risking, for being you. Amazing, wonderful you!
 
RitaTG I'm so glad to be following this thread. Thank you.

I sometimes think about what it must be like to start the transition process. I have a friend who is in the beginning stages. He started by being somewhat androgynous for sometime and then letting people know gradually. He now lives as a man and seems very happy. It is clearly a good move for him. Heck, his chosen name suits him far better than the one he had when I met him. I guess there is some advantage to being able to chose our name.

What is it like to take those first tentative steps?
 
Great thread! What is the best age to teach children about transgendered people and what should be said? And how does one teach this without coming across as it being "different"? Are there any good books to help?
 
Seeler said:
Rita, you mention sometimes not having the right to use your transgender name. I know some people who have legally changed their name for various reasons--one to closer identify with her native heritage, another simply because she didn't like her old-fashion unusual name. Once you have gone through the legal process, and your SIN card, drivers' license, library card, bank accounts, etc. are in your new name, wouldn't people (police, border crossing personnel, prison guards, school teachers, etc.) be required to use your name even if you were a man named Starlight or a woman named Cinnamon, or whatever you choose. I knew a Judy who changed to Aurara Borialis. It took some getting used to.
Click to expand...
Well Seeler .... here in Ontario we are very blessed ..... Provincially....I have the right to be referred to by my chosen name and chosen pronouns regardless of what my legal name and gender identification happens to be. That applies to all aspects of society.
As I noted in an earlier post .... federal institutions are covered under the Canadian Human Rights Code which supersedes the provincial codes. At a border crossing I have no such rights ..... even things like a passport are murky unless I can prove I have had "the operation (SRS)". This is why we are fighting so hard to get Bill C-279 through the senate.
As for the legal process for changing legal name and legal gender identifier ..... quite straight forward here.
I can get the gender changed without having to have SRS. Just a letter from my doctor or a qualified psychotherapist is all I need.
 
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