Someone suggested a joke thread............................

[crazyheart]

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some t...ime. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...

 

[Luce NDs]

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some t...ime. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...

What's the chance ... remote in real life of relating without imagination ...

 

[Carolla]

hee hee ... go Pope!!

 

[You just never know]

What do you call an overweight psychic?


A four chin teller.

 

[Luce NDs]

What do you call an overweight psychic?


A four chin teller.

With larger Jah-wells than you'd think? They flap like a bull dogs when on the go ...

 

[You just never know]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

 

[Redbaron]

What separated the Roman Empire into two pieces?

A pair of Caesars.

 

[Tabitha]

What do you call a pony who can't whinny?

 

[Tabitha]

A little horse (hoarse)

 

[Luce NDs]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Nothing left but the post and the hole in the rational about missing fabrics ... Nous Ton's 4th Law?

 

[Luce NDs]

What separated the Roman Empire into two pieces?

A pair of Caesars.

Like the English in Kathay ... Katherine the Great's affection for breaking delicate bones of the story?

 

[Luce NDs]

A little horse (hoarse)

Ho Erse for rendering down as in redaction to limit the printers expense? HS is that all that's left of the grand myth ... of the seminal carrier? A' Mare ... like waves on the what Eris over head (aD onus)! Higher waters Mama!

 

[You just never know]

Why are vampires not good at self-improvement?

They cannot reflect on their past mistakes.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Two thirds of Trump\s wives arrived in the US as immigrants. This is a good reason for the US to retain generous immigration rules as these women immigrants demonstrated that they are willing to do for America what America won't do for itself.

 

[Luce NDs]

Ome gode ... are they scroo'd?

 

[You just never know]

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A catfish.

 

[Luce NDs]

That one under the shadowy pool ... looking up to see if (in de light) there was in-sect ... there to be swallowed!

Some are stone fish ... very large and powerful with big oles under de baited nose ... for swallowing the largest thing pas'n ... don't walk on eM ... they carry painful Klein's .. a German word for substitution for thorns and pricks of the imagination ... why dreams are mostly out of here ... inde foo't Ur ... some believe in only now ... as presiding presents ... no presidential visions ...

 

[Mendalla]

I try to restrain myself from posting xkcd in here constantly but this one struck my funny bone.

 

[paradox3]

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
A: Define "lightbulb".....

 

[paradox3]

Q: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.