Why Not Choose to Die If you're

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The last time I saw my grandma was a couple of months before she died of cancer. She was still functioning pretty well then, living in her senior's apartment - but slowing down. We knew it wouldn't be long.

My aunt was driving my husband and I to the airport. I was in the back seat with grandma. We held hands for the ride out, and she told me she was going to miss me. She meant it. I believe she felt that she would miss people she wouldn't see again (or until they joined her - which is what she believed), as much as we would miss her.
 
Some cancers cause a lot more pain than others. I had a friend die from ovarian cancer last fall, and she confided that, although she'd had some discomfort, there was very little real pain.

The case I'm thinking about, though, was esophageal cancer, and it is, apparently, extraordinarily painful. At the end, fentanyl didn't touch it and they put him into palliative sedation.
 
There are some cases I would be sure going for MAID. Inoperable stomach cancer- you die throwing up blood and bleeding out. Traumatic for family and nursing alike.
Any disease ending in suffocating. While there might be a way to sedate you, I still think it is a terrible way to go.
I think, the amount of pain has a lot to do with individual perception and mental health. The more you are scared, the greater the pain.
 
Mrs.Anteater said:
There are some cases I would be sure going for MAID. Inoperable stomach cancer- you die throwing up blood and bleeding out. Traumatic for family and nursing alike.
Any disease ending in suffocating. While there might be a way to sedate you, I still think it is a terrible way to go.
I think, the amount of pain has a lot to do with individual perception and mental health. The more you are scared, the greater the pain.
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Yes, and he was apparently extremely frightened. He did not go gentle into that good night. And, not surprisingly, he has not visited my dreams.

I can think of many instances, all of which presume I will have control of my wits, where I will go for MAID. OTOH, my 87 year old godfather is a model of taking joy where he finds, it, often at his cabin in the woods, where i just spent a night. His body is seriously screwed up just from advanced old age (he was a very big man, 6'3 and 250 lbs at his prime, I'd guess, and that just destroys joints late in life). His spirit is of a child.
 
Your godfather sounds like a wonderful old fella Bette - glad you got to spend time at his cabin. That old age arthritis is so hard - was just talking to my dad - a similarly tall guy - and he certainly misses his long walks. He mostly hobbles around his house now, uses a cane outside. Sad.
 
Oh, Ron's all excited (ex-physics teacher, really into modern tech) about his new walker. Found one with a sort of stable four-wheel steering that enables him to get around safely out at the cabin, which has gravel all around it and an outdoor outhouse (so he bought two; one for home, one at the cabin). And put him on his ancient little John Deere tractor and he can go anywhere as long as you don't wear him out. He's just the coolest ever old guy; just has to be helped to manueuvre into position sometimes, and help to get his socks on...
 
He's very lucky. Because he had two full time jobs in his life (the Canadian Forces, followed by a College professor career) and his late wife always had a full time school board librarian/teacher position, his pension income, carefully managed, allows for a live in caregiver, who gets free room and board in a very pleasant suite in the lower level of his home. Also, his daughter lives within a 1/2 hour drive and he has a LOT of friends and quasi-family. Very well loved and popular old fella.
 
BetteTheRed said:
He's very lucky. Because he had two full time jobs in his life (the Canadian Forces, followed by a College professor career) and his late wife always had a full time school board librarian/teacher position, his pension income, carefully managed, allows for a live in caregiver, who gets free room and board in a very pleasant suite in the lower level of his home. Also, his daughter lives within a 1/2 hour drive and he has a LOT of friends and quasi-family. Very well loved and popular old fella.
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A pleasant good nature is an attribute ... in humans not a common thing as we tend towards hostility and inflated assertiveness as politic (extreme)!
 
Absolutely. He has been a loving, gentle and generous man his entire life, and in terms of the friendship and assistance it has earned him in later life, his nature has paid for itself, as it were.
 
Just jumping in. I don't think there's a "one size fits all" choice. I have a friend in her prime. Adopted a little girl five years ago who is now 9. My friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and it isn't looking good, despite treatment. She wants all the time she can get. Others might be at the other end of life, not wanting to leave a legacy of themselves disappearing into terminal illness.
 
That is so sad ninjafaery. I do agree with your comment though - there IS no one size fits all solution. I suspect a lot depends on what the disease is, what (if any) treatments there are, the age of the person and even whether they have affordable access to caregiving.
 
No, and my OP never meant to suggest same.

It's not one-size-fits-all, but there are some choices I really don't get, even when I dig a little deeper into circumstances (this is, of course, completely triggered by the recent death of my ex-husband). Bodies want to live, there's no doubt about it. And spirits are scared, too. But I still cannot imagine volunteering to suffocate in excruciating pain when I have the option to tell my family "bye, folks; I have loved you; I feel loved by you" and slip off into a true relief from unrelenting pain that can't ever end well.
 
I'm tending that way myself BetteTheRed. I saw a family member slowly dying of lung disease. Every breath was painful and unsatisfying, mobility was nearly gone, no hope that lung function would return. For me, remaining alive like that would subject my kids to more weeks or months of difficulty.
 
This is such a personal thing with so many different things to consider. I would probably try to ride out the bad days so long as I felt there were still some good days left. If the pain and suffering was constant, then I might seek to go ahead and die but only when I felt there wasn't any good left.
 
Jon71 said:
This is such a personal thing with so many different things to consider. I would probably try to ride out the bad days so long as I felt there were still some good days left. If the pain and suffering was constant, then I might seek to go ahead and die but only when I felt there wasn't any good left.
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So you feel our lives are only worth living if we are having good experiences?
 
Jae said:
So you feel our lives are only worth living if we are having good experiences?
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I think if there is nothing but suffering left, there's not much point in going on. I'll endure some bad for the sake of the good, but if it's all bad, then I'd call it done.
 
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