something I wrote

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Mendalla said:
Yes, one of the deceased was an 18 year-old who volunteered with the team keeping track of statistics (goals, assists, goals against (for goalies) and such like and so forth). Hockey, like many sports, is obsessed with stats.
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Yes, of course. I was deciphering @crazyheart's word, "statitition."
 
There was a similar service in my hometown. I didn't attend. It was held at a church that I don't 'relate' to well. Ceremonies like these don't seem to address my needs (at this time, or in the past). Organised Christianity doesn't seem to address my needs very well much of the time - so I tend to stay away. I only spoke with one person who attended and she seemed to be patting herself on the back for being 'so supportive at such a hard time'. She was also 'so thankful that Jesus gave her the strength to be there for the hurting people'. That was followed by words about who was weeping or not, who was stone faced or not, who knew which dead kid.....I found myself wondering if she has actually spent any time checking in with people who have a connection to this dreadful event. She certainly didn't ask how my son was or the others n my family who are grieving. The whole thing came across to me as maudlin, sentimental, self serving in some cases, and of no meaningful use to the people it was touted to help. If others are helped by it - that would be a plus - just not my style. My eyes start to want to leak when I look at FB posts, people I know who actually knew one of the players. Too soon for me.

I confess - I am tired, knocked a bit off balance and extremely short of patience for those I perceive as simple minded sensationalists.
 
24/7 news is at least partly to blame. You must fill in facts with "colour", with interviews, with different points of view. Hugs, kay. Sounds like it's a difficult time for you, and I'm sorry that people inadvertently make it more difficult for others.
 
crazyheart said:
Those are your thoughts, John, I don't agree.
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Which is fair.

crazyheart said:
We all do the best that we can.
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I'm not so sure about that. We obviously should try to do the best we can. I am not confident that we are always successful.

Having thought further on this these are some of the things that I think should have been taken into consideration before a mass public memorial.

1) Have all of the deceased had a funeral? Pastorally this is about family first. They are the ones who carry the heaviest burden. Have they had that difficult burden to carry dealt with? If the family has not had time to take care of this matter then the needs of the community should wait.

2) Outside of the immediate families of the deceased, the constituency carrying the greatest burden of loss will be those who were seriously injured in the crash and are still in the hospital. The timing of the memorial shuts them out of participation and quite frankly I find that exploitative and selfish.

Even if all of the families with dead to bury had had all those funerals I wouldn't consider a memorial until the team-mates on the bus were well enough to participate because they are going to carry that loss far longer and with more difficulty than the rest of us. Bearing in mind that the vast majority of us didn't know much about the Humboldt Broncos until their tragic accident.
 
I am getting annoyed with media claims that "the country is in mourning" and so on. We may be saddened by this tragic event but we are not truly in mourning. I think such claims belittle the grief of the families and others more closely involved in the situation. Bothers me.
 
I was chatting with our friend Birthstone today about this - thinking it will be something to tackle at youth group tomorrow evening. Will be interesting to hear their take on the situation, the media involvement etc. etc. Grief is not new, but perhaps rituals surrounding it, and ways of journeying through it are perhaps are less known these days as people move away from organized religious community ... hence hockey sticks popping up at doorways ... just pondering.

Another aspect I've been thinking about is the HUGE gofundme collection. So from the simple action of one person starting the page - now there are multi-millions to be somehow managed, administered, distributed ... some kind of structure will be needed for this, some kind of decision making processes ... I wonder how that will get put in place & by whom - what responsibility lies with the person who began the page? What funds come from insurance coverage, what from elsewhere? Just questions and more pondering on this rainy day.
 
Personally I don't think anyone should be allowed to tell anyone how they should grieve....for those on the outside observing, we have a tendency to impose how we ourselves would do it, but it is a personal process and the best we can do is to accept another's grieving process in whatever form it takes.
Sometimes we want the bereaved to "hurry it up" or "slow it down"......"it's been a week/year, enough already"......have a memorial, don't have one, etc......
Respect other's journeys no matter how they need to do it.....it's tough enough to live through.
 
Carolla said:
Another aspect I've been thinking about is the HUGE gofundme collection. So from the simple action of one person starting the page - now there are multi-millions to be somehow managed, administered, distributed ... some kind of structure will be needed for this, some kind of decision making processes ... I wonder how that will get put in place & by whom - what responsibility lies with the person who began the page?
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Quite the administrative challenge when you think about it. Good point.
 
Anyone see the Toronto Star today? There is a little photo of one of those hockey sticks on every single page (except for the full page advertisements.)

Not sure how I feel about this.
 
Waterfall said:
Personally I don't think anyone should be allowed to tell anyone how they should grieve....for those on the outside observing, we have a tendency to impose how we ourselves would do it, but it is a personal process and the best we can do is to accept another's grieving process in whatever form it takes.
Sometimes we want the bereaved to "hurry it up" or "slow it down"......"it's been a week/year, enough already"......have a memorial, don't have one, etc......
Respect other's journeys no matter how they need to do it.....it's tough enough to live through.
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True enough. What we don't know anything about is the decision to hold the vigil and how it was organized.
 
paradox3 said:
Anyone see the Toronto Star today? There is a little photo of one of those hockey sticks on every single page (except for the full page advertisements.)

Not sure how I feel about this.
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Saw on Fb today a story that a Timmys unit out East was selling green and yellow sprinkled donuts - for profit! Absolutely despicable.
 
Jae said:
Saw on Fb today a story that a Timmys unit out East was selling green and yellow sprinkled donuts - for profit! Absolutely despicable.
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Kind of tacky, I agree. But maybe they thought people would be buying the sprinkle donuts anyways so why not use the colours?
 
Waterfall said:
Personally I don't think anyone should be allowed to tell anyone how they should grieve....for those on the outside observing, we have a tendency to impose how we ourselves would do it, but it is a personal process and the best we can do is to accept another's grieving process in whatever form it takes.
Sometimes we want the bereaved to "hurry it up" or "slow it down"......"it's been a week/year, enough already"......have a memorial, don't have one, etc......
Respect other's journeys no matter how they need to do it.....it's tough enough to live through.
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This. As I said, were I a parent in that situation, I would likely politely decline to attend. A public event wouldn't be for me in a time like that. Later, maybe, but that would definately be too soon.
 
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