SIDS

[Boots]

A neighbour friend of mine just went through loosing her two month old to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

I have not yet aproched her and have let her grieve with her close friends and family but, I still want her to know I care and am concered about her and her family.

How do I approch her doorstep without coming across as being another nosy neighbour?

 

[Lastpointe]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. It is such a tragic loss

But do go to her. It can feel so lonely and sometimes people will figure the loss of baby while tragic will be easier to get over. It isn't

Drop by with Danish and a thermos of coffee. Sit and listen, cry with her.

Look at baby pictures. Be sure to use the baby's name.

Then a day or so a later, ask her to join you for a morning walk. Walk, listen, talk.....

I think the big thing is to be available, especially now and even more so a month for now when the focus shifts to other things

 

[Seeler]

This is so hard.
My advice, for what its worth -- act natural.
If you see her, perhaps out in her yard - wave, smile, approach
Or take her a plate of cookies - or a container of your special home made soup (something she can fall back on when she is too sad to cook).
Get it out in the open. Say "I'm sorry for your loss." and watch for signals. Does she change the subject, or does she want to talk?
Are you (and she) comfortable with a hug, or would a touch of the hand be more appropriate?
Listen - look at pictures with her - let her talk or be silent together.

Are there other children? If so, maybe you could do something for or with them to help them with their grief - and/or to give her a break.

Don't - avoid her. Don't avoid the subject. Don't expect her to get over it - by now. Now takes a long time - sometimes a life time.

 

[Boots]

Trust me I understand how much of a loss this is. She has four other children and they play with mine a lot.

She has family and close friends visiting all the time. She came over the other day to talk to my mother in law while I was at work.

My mother in law told her that when the visits and food drop offs slow down and when her family starts to fall back into regular routine we will still be here.

 

[ChemGal]

I agree with the others about dropping something off. Another thing I have heard from younger people who have lost someone is they really appreciated the texts and/or emails. They can be dealt with whenever, and can be composed quickly or slowly. It will give her control over when to respond.

 

[Boots]

They do not have a computer due to being a low income family.

The funeral will be sometime next week and I was thinking about offering to buy her a black dress. This way more funds could go towards the funeral.

Her other kids are a year younger then my boys so I have dress clothes for them if they are going. If the kids are not going maybe we can offer free babysitting.

 

[Tabitha]

Oh I hope the kids are going to the funeral.
When my eldest was in Kindergarten, a family we were getting to know had their daughter die of SIDS.
( we had just moved to Calgary)
What did we do? We took a collection from the Kindergarten parents and donated it to Children's Hosptial. We attended the funeral.(with my 3 kids)
We visited-the 5 year old boys played together. I listened a lot.
I bought her a copy of the book 'Empty Cradle-broken heart".
I asked her to babysit my daughter -on 2 occasions-short during the day. And I let her hold my baby. (he was young and breast fed and always with me)

 

[Carolla]

So sad. And I imagine some folks will be saying inane things like - 'oh thank goodness you have 4 others' as if that should make this death easier - it doesn't. I like the other suggestions offered above for ways to be available and not intrusive.

Offer of a dress is a nice thought ... don't assume it should be black tho ... many wear colours these days ... so leave the option open to her. Maybe a gift card to the local mall so she could purchase what she wants.

 

[Lastpointe]

Perhaps offer to take the other kids the day before the funeral so she can get ready?

 

[chansen]

A neighbour friend of mine just went through loosing her two month old to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

I have not yet aproched her and have let her grieve with her close friends and family but, I still want her to know I care and am concered about her and her family.

How do I approch her doorstep without coming across as being another nosy neighbour?

Bring a home cooked meal. Knock on the door. Give her a hug. Talk if she seems to want to. Don't if she doesn't.

 

[Beloved]

Thinking of your neighbour as she goes through this very sad and difficult.

 

[Boots]

Thanks. The funeral was on Thursday and went well.