The two decent pots I bought...they are in constant use by her. The other ones are kind of crappy. She cooks with them then puts them in the fridge with food in them instead of emptying contents into a container. Sometimes, I can't cook because she's hogging everything. So, I expect not to be able to at any given time. She cooks more than I do - but if I need to I often can't. I'm not her mother - I hate saying anything. But the fact that she does that with 'my' stuff then hides her own in her room pisses me off a bit. She needs a mother to tell her that's rude behaviour.
Room For All
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Northwind
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Ugh. I don't miss that kind of crap @Kimmio Laughterlove. I hope you're able to sort things out somehow.
Lastpointe
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I agree. Ugh
communal kitchens and sharing stuff is a drag when people differ in how they use them
i expect hr parents always stored things in the fridge in the cooking pot so she doesn’t think it odd. What about buy some of those cheap plastic Tupperware stuff from the grocery store. Usually in sets of five or so. Then you can tell her you got them to share so everyone can see their leftovers clearly???
or I guess you could keep your pots in your room
communal kitchens and sharing stuff is a drag when people differ in how they use them
i expect hr parents always stored things in the fridge in the cooking pot so she doesn’t think it odd. What about buy some of those cheap plastic Tupperware stuff from the grocery store. Usually in sets of five or so. Then you can tell her you got them to share so everyone can see their leftovers clearly???
or I guess you could keep your pots in your room
ninj
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I stayed briefly in a shared house in Toronto for a few months. Lots of benefits...mainly much less work shared with 4 other people and always someone interesting to have coffee with, but there always seemed to be kitchen and bathroom issues. One of the 2 lease signees lived strictly organic, and was so zealous that EVERYTHING in the house, including the food had to be natural and organic. One of the guys made the mistake of bringing home Burger King and literally was berated and asked to take it to the garage/workshop. Bathroom often had hair in the tub (one of my few "Yuks" --I'm no clean freak), and expensive "natural" products only.
Not fun.
Not fun.
We have lots of containers. She uses them too. But she often just puts the pots straight into the fridge as well.
No, I'm not keeping pots in my room just because she does. I think it's ridiculous. And it's crowded enough in my room. I'm not messing it up with unsightly pots and pans.
What I really want to do is sit down and have a talk with her about social skills. Poor communication and "sneaky" behaviour even when there's no reason to be. Hiding her pan, hiding toilet paper, never communicating, flitting in and out - using stuff but never voluntarily participating in cleaning common areas except her dishes (I asked her if she'd help me do a spring cleaning and she looked straight at me and said no...rude.).... But it's not my place to do that.
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I don't want to live like that. I can keep a couple of emergency rolls of TP in my room. Her lease was extended just before the covid rules - she's young, family far away, and I was concerned about her if she had to find a new place - so I told my landlord 6 more months was ok. But, come Sept I'd rather she moves, than me, and they let me find the person and interview them first, then have her (would prefer a female roommate still, with shared bathroom) meet the landlords instead of the other way around.
I know you probably don't want to be petty but honestly if she doesn't hear you that is rude and disrespectful.....anyway it was just a thought....you could always use the cabinet for filing when it's over.
Northwind
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Ideally you should be able to talk with a roommate and find compromises. Obviously she's at the very least, a challenge. Why is she in your city and living in your apartment? Is she working? Going to school? She may be young but if she's old enough to live away from her parents and from adult supervision then she's old enough to bloody grow up.
KayTheCurler
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In your circumstances Kimmio I would keep my personal equipment where she couldn't access it. Best solution might be a locked cupboard. You have tried to teach her better manners and it isn't working.
She's a post secondary student who works p/t. She lived in residence last year and made friends there. This school year (and she's taking some summer classes), since fall/ winter, I guess whoever's helping her, her parents, wanted her to find a cheaper place, a quiet, respectable, non party place.
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That means I have to regress to her level and I'm too old for that. It just feels like silly "Mine!" games that young siblings play when they can't share. Maybe that's how she learned it and hasn't unlearned it. Except it only goes one way. I expected to share some common items and chores.
Northwind
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Old enough to grow up.
Under normal circumstances that's true. These are not normal circumstances. You need to look after yourself. Hopefully your next roommate will be more mature.
My landlords like her because they never here a peep from her. I'm the more complainer/ nuisance because they hear me more just moving around in my room, under theirs - not talking, just getting things from my drawer, my door - I play audio on headphones. It's pretty unfair. Also her smoking grease smells funnel into my room up to theirs, it settles and smells stale - poor ventilation - so I get spoken to about smells when my room is usually the freshest when she's not cooking. I made a polite fuss about her having her friends over, and social distancing. She's silent and stealthy. Lol. I look like the difficult one, when they don't have to live in the same space with a stranger who makes no effort to be less of a stranger.
It's better than living with a loud extroverted social butterfly who acts like they rule the roost - experienced that too - but only slightly.
It's better than living with a loud extroverted social butterfly who acts like they rule the roost - experienced that too - but only slightly.
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It's been one of those days. I'll get over it. Thanks for listening.
Northwind
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That sucks. Try to maintain your dignity and let her show her problem behaviours herself. Yeah, that will be a challenge.
I don’t expect them to notice. We just pay them rent and they don’t think about us unless something disturbs them, like the sound of my door, or when my heater was on in the cooler months...or when their upstairs ants got down here. Even with the social distance thing, I told them I was concerned because she was disinterested in doing it, and they didn’t put a foot down. The last time, she brought her friend over the night we were getting ready for exterminators and everyone was down here at the same time...they left up to me to say something about the guest thing, and she just disregarded. Even though my landlords admitted bringing friends over at that time was uncool. They, themselves, were coming down to the storage and laundry, not wiping handles or really being diligent about timing of people around (nobody wanted to make laundry schedules, or cooking schedules in my roommate’s case, for distancing purposes, except me)...so it was a lost cause anyway. I hate being the complaining one...not sure what i’m supposed to do except grin and bear it, so that’s what I try to do. Today, I couldn’t resist asking if she was keeping her pan in her room...because I had a feeling, it was there and gone, and it bugged me. I guess I should’ve ignored it. Who cares, right? If she wants to keep her frying pan in her room, that’s her prerogative. It just feels insulting when I share my things without even thinking about it (it was this that even made me think about it). I even felt obligated to get a few more things to share, for the kitchen. Nobody’s “bad”... I’m just living with people with really self-centred lifestyles. I’d like a middle ground, where we have to at least minimally consider others in our space. Would be nice to live with someone who occasionally said “Hello, how are you? How’s your day?” and makes a bit of small talk just out of respect, just to let you know they acknowledge your personhood. Nope. Not happening these days. She’s never really done that. I don’t think she learned to, or something.
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Remember they are human and believe you are conspiring against them to interfere with what they desire to do ... even thoughtlessly as a plan!
The alternate to your thought believes you are thoughtless ... as part of brute strategy (strategies being defined as plots or conspiracies that work the opposite way to the other way)! It is a frustrating composition of humans ... we make it this way ...
The alternate to your thought believes you are thoughtless ... as part of brute strategy (strategies being defined as plots or conspiracies that work the opposite way to the other way)! It is a frustrating composition of humans ... we make it this way ...
