Living childless by choice or by circumstance

[Waterfall]

I have older friends who never had children and I've never felt like I needed to know unless they were to bring it up.

 

[Carolla]

We have some friends who are childless by choice - they've been great friends and supporters to our kids and those of other families.

One of my kids has declared they will not be breeding ... I feel rather sad about that for myself (losing my Granny option), and in that I think they would be great parents with a lot of love to share.

 

[Tabitha]

and some folks prefer the wording child-free rather than child-less. I do have friends who have chosen this. Both just retired and they gave a lot to kids in their lives-at church and as aunts and uncles. They just didn't want 24/7 responsibilities and they traveled a lot.

 

[Mendalla]

They just didn't want 24/7 responsibilities and they traveled a lot.

First off, to be clear, I do not support the view that I am going to discuss. However, I will point out that critics of child free couples often use things like this as criticisms, arguing that not having children shows they are irresponsible narcissists who put their needs ahead of society's. I know Bette and others would argue the opposite, that they are actually more responsible than those who have 5 or 6 kids but it is a view that is out there.

 

[Seeler]

My cousins daughter was the youngest of eight. All the older children married fairly young (18 to 25) aand soon began reproducing. There were always children around to play with or babysit, enjoy or otherwise. She put of marriage, and then spent time in a relationship that went nowhere. She was 40 when she met her soulmate, a widower ten years older than her with two grown children. She was surprised and then annoyed at the number of people who reminded her that she still had time to have a baby, and told her of others they knew who had babies in their 40s. It hadn't crossed her mind to even think about kids - she'd had enough of helping to raise 15 nieces and nephews (some of whom were now reproducing another generation).

Not everyone is intended to reproduce. The world population seems to be doing quite well at doubling itself every decade or two (exagerated a bit) without every couple producing 15 or 20 kids.

 

[revsdd]

Imho, as much as possible, married couples should procreate. In Genesis, God tells Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply. I personally believe married couples are still called to do that. Having said that, I commend single parents who are raising their kids well. My youngest sister Mae is a great single mom.

There are almost 8 billion people on the earth. I'd say that "go forth and multiply" has been answered with "Mission Accomplished!"

 

[revsdd]

For the most part people should just mind their own business about couples who are childless. You don't know if it's by choice or by circumstance, and hurtful things can sometimes be said. My wife and I struggled with infertility. We ended up adopting our daughter in 2005 but we were married for 14 years without a child, and didn't really need the questions about why we didn't have kids. It was very personal and it was our business and no one else's. And that's the same for a couple who choose not to have kids. It's their choice, it's personal, it's their business and no one else's.

 

[Jaebius]

For the most part people should just mind their own business about couples who are childless. You don't know if it's by choice or by circumstance, and hurtful things can sometimes be said. My wife and I struggled with infertility. We ended up adopting our daughter in 2005 but we were married for 14 years without a child, and didn't really need the questions about why we didn't have kids. It was very personal and it was our business and no one else's. And that's the same for a couple who choose not to have kids. It's their choice, it's personal, it's their business and no one else's.

How then do you preach the passage in the Bible that contains, "go forth and multiply?"

 

[revsdd]

How then do you preach the passage in the Bible that contains, "go forth and multiply?"

As I said - I would say "Mission Accomplished." Then I'd probably go on to deal with the problems being created by those who seem to think that it was a command that was supposed to be ongoing and without end that could apparently never be accomplished.

 

[Tabitha]

Yes that is one biblical command that has been met!

 

[Hilary]

and some folks prefer the wording child-free rather than child-less.

I hear "child-free" mostly from people who are that way by choice. In my experience, people who do not have children due to circumstance (and wish they did) tend to use "child-less".

 

[revsdd]

I hear "child-free" mostly from people who are that way by choice. In my experience, people who do not have children due to circumstance (and wish they did) tend to use "child-less".

I agree. "Child-less" and "child-free" are certainly not interchangeable and they refer to very different situations. For those first 14 years of our marriage, my wife and I would never have called ourselves "child-free." That sounds like a celebration. We weren't celebrating. In a way, we were grieving. Even now - and she's now 12 years old - I can still feel emotional just hearing my daughter say "Hey Dad," because there was a time I never thought I'd hear anyone say those words to me. Believe me - I never thought of my wife and I as "child-free."

 

[Jaebius]

As I said - I would say "Mission Accomplished." Then I'd probably go on to deal with the problems being created by those who seem to think that it was a command that was supposed to be ongoing and without end that could apparently never be accomplished.

Thank you Stephen for your reply. I can respect that approach even though it wouldn't be my own.

 

[Mendalla]

I agree. "Child-less" and "child-free" are certainly not interchangeable and they refer to very different situations. For those first 14 years of our marriage, my wife and I would never have called ourselves "child-free." That sounds like a celebration. We weren't celebrating. In a way, we were grieving. Even now - and she's now 12 years old - I can still feel emotional just hearing my daughter say "Hey Dad," because there was a time I never thought I'd hear anyone say those words to me. Believe me - I never thought of my wife and I as "child-free."

And child-free could also apply to "empty nesters". They are not childless, but are largely free of having to care for their children day-to-day ("Soon," he says, wringing his hands and cackling madly, "Soon." ).

 

[Pinga]

We wanted a lot of kids. Bore 5, have 2.

I would love grandchildren but who knows if that will happen and that is ok.

Our nephews and neices seem to be supplying great ones to spoil.

 

[BetteTheRed]

And child-free could also apply to "empty nesters". They are not childless, but are largely free of having to care for their children day-to-day ("Soon," he says, wringing his hands and cackling madly, "Soon." ).

Be careful. There's this phenomenon known as boomerang children. My house empties, I fill it with critters and then the kids come back...

 

[revsdd]

And child-free could also apply to "empty nesters". They are not childless, but are largely free of having to care for their children day-to-day ("Soon," he says, wringing his hands and cackling madly, "Soon." ).

It is an old proverb that the anticipation is always more pleasing than the reality.

 

[Mendalla]

Be careful. There's this phenomenon known as boomerang children. My house empties, I fill it with critters and then the kids come back...

If mine does what he plans, boomeranging becomes increasingly unlikely. IF being the operative word.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Off topic alert! Just thinking of a large family I know of. The guy had eight kids and lost his wife in childbirth. He met a widow with six kids and they married (at least partly to make their childcare responsibilities a bit easier due to the sharing of roles). They went on to have four themselves. As it worked out the youngest children didn't know the oldest ones who moved away for jobs and settled far away. The couple had grandchildren who were older than the ones they birthed together. They appeared happy with their busy family.

 

[Jaebius]

Off topic alert! Just thinking of a large family I know of. The guy had eight kids and lost his wife in childbirth. He met a widow with six kids and they married (at least partly to make their childcare responsibilities a bit easier due to the sharing of roles). They went on to have four themselves. As it worked out the youngest children didn't know the oldest ones who moved away for jobs and settled far away. The couple had grandchildren who were older than the ones they birthed together. They appeared happy with their busy family.

Families are awesome. I love seeing the variety of people who can come together to form a new family unit. Here at our place my family consists of my mom, my wife, my stepson, my stepson's half-brother, our cat, and me.