Advice for Children

[Jaebius]

What we tell children, "Focus on the future. Keep your eyes on the prize."
What we should be telling them, "Live (or work) in the moment."

What we tell children, "Stress is inevitable - keep pushing yourself."
What we should be telling them, "Learn to chill out."

What we tell children, "Stay busy."
What we should be telling them, "Have fun doing nothing."

What we tell children, "Play to your strengths."
What we should be telling them, "Make mistakes and learn how to fail."

What we tell children, "It's a dog-eat-dog world - so look out for number 1."
What we should be telling them, "Show compassion to others."

Source: 6 Pieces of Bad Advice We Give Kids

Which of these changes do you like the most? Are there any you disagree with?

 

[Mendalla]

What we tell children, "Play to your strengths."
What we should be telling them, "Make mistakes and learn how to fail."

I am not clear on how these contradict. Playing to your strengths isn't about not taking risks and making mistakes, it's about how use your capabilities to the best advantage. If the author think it means avoiding risks and mistakes, I am not sure that they understand what it means. Now if they are meaning to suggest we need to use capabilities in which we are weak in order to improve them, this is still wrong. One can play to one's strengths and still develop new strengths.

 

[Jaebius]

I am not clear on how these contradict. Playing to your strengths isn't about not taking risks and making mistakes, it's about how use your capabilities to the best advantage. If the author think it means avoiding risks and mistakes, I am not sure that they understand what it means. Now if they are meaning to suggest we need to use capabilities in which we are weak in order to improve them, this is still wrong. One can play to one's strengths and still develop new strengths.

As I read the article, what the author is saying is that if you notice your child is good in, say, math, don't just encourage them to do math all the time. Let them try stuff they're not particularly good at as well, and then help them learn from whatever they may fail at. I can recall one of our profs in uni telling us that while people hate to fail, failing is also a learning experience. I feel the author is telling parents they should teach their kids the same.

 

[Seeler]

Perhaps reading the entire article would help - but like Mendalla, I do not see these statements as contradictory.

Yes, we should live in the moment, but having some future goals in mind is important too.

Sometimes it is important to ppush ourselves to the limit. And sometimes we have to learn to chill out and accept the fact that some things cannot be changed.

Play your strengths - develop and use your gifts - but also look for balance and occasionally step out of your comfort zone even if it is challenging. You may find that you have hidden talents. Or you may find that working in finance (or law, or engineering, or ministry) isn't for you. You wouldn't know unless you try.

Look out for #1 and show compassion for others. No contradiction there. Airlines tell parents to put on their own oxygen mask first, then help your children. And those caring for the elderly are reminded to 'take care of the caretaker'.

The only one that I might have trouble with is 'stay busy'. I can't imagine telling my children (grandchildren) that. Instead I seem to remember trying to get them to 'slow down', 'stop running in circles', 'you don't have to be doing something all the time'. Yes, kids and adults need time to chill out, relax, read a book, stare into space, watch an ant in the garden, cuddle a kitten. Enjoy the small things. Yes, have fun doing nothing at all.

 

[revjohn]

Don't be a pessimist. Do be an optimist.

That is my simplest interpretation of the competing advices offered.

As if Optimism is a better outlook than Pessimism and what shapes reality more than reality itself is the glasses I prefer to use when viewing it.

Of course, philosophically that position is solipsism and presents a different kettle of fish than either Pessimism or Optimism.

I think pragmatism is a better tool to teach our children. That there are times when Optimism serves better than Pessimism and times when Pessimism serves better than Optimism. Second to that would be the ability to forgive one's self when one chooses wrongly.

 

[Luce NDs]

Do optimists fail to see bad news coming .. as they rather not observe such actions?

The enigmatic discomfort of learning about the source of lyres --- that Jacob fella fascinated with Rachel and stuck with awe of the lees ... leftovers and remaining siblings? Thus all passes over in time ... as it rests in a sliver of that dark force as it creeps ...

 

[Mendalla]

I think pragmatism is a better tool to teach our children. That there are times when Optimism serves better than Pessimism and times when Pessimism serves better than Optimism. Second to that would be the ability to forgive one's self when one chooses wrongly.

QFT, esp. the bolded sentence.

 

[DaisyJane]

I tend to agree with RevJohn. To me the world isn't about black and white and absolutes, which is what these soundbites suggest, but a whole big freaking mass of grey, with the odd moment of black/white. There are times when more structured thinking is necessary, but on the whole I think the world is pretty nuanced place.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Words I offered my kids and grandkids included
Try different things - food, activities, clubs etc,
Take time for relationships
Take time for wonder
When you reach a crossroad CHOOSE a direction. If it isn't helpful or pleasurable or useful make a different choice. Failing to CHOOSE means life gives you a direction without your input.
You aren't responsible for your parents' happiness nor they yours.

 

[Jon71]

I think on most of those there is value in both the "good" and the "bad" advice. There is value in working towards the future, and being mindful of the present. There is value in hard work and perseverance, and in being able to relax. Instead of saying the first set of advice is "bad", let's say it's incomplete.