Living with adult children

Welcome to Wondercafe2!

A community where we discuss, share, and have some fun together. Join today and become a part of it!

Register Log in
Tabitha said:
Sorry Jae I had missed t#20 where you say your mom reluctantly accepted rent from you.
Is that still the case? My impression from your last post commented were that she wanted to raise the rent.
Perhaps you could also share how you work meals and chores?
Click to expand...
Mom's reluctance has decreased as our paying her rent has become normalized. We feel that she may want to up our rent, but she has yet to say anything more about it since a phone call a few months ago. Chores are done by whoever sees that a chore needs to be done and has the time, energy, and strength to do it. Yobo and my mom split the cooking about 40-60. Yobo, my mom, and (rarely) my middle son grocery shop.
 
Scare the 'elle out of people?

But people love mystery when they're not entangled in telling their neighbours how it is ... when they don't really know nothing!
 
Pr. Jae said:
Did you actual slide on my mind Luce?
Click to expand...


Minds are slippery as vipers Jae ... few have discovered one due to the split nature ... divine voids? The Romans called eM caduceus ... a sign of doctrine ...

Like a potential unique thingy ... something to be fixed ... and thus the whole thing of Hippocrates ... when he considered healing the crack in the system!

Caution is required ... you could get sucked intuit!
 
KayTheCurler said:
My thoughts include - deal with the situation with those involved, rather than their parents. If the girlfriend thinks she is sufficiently adult to live away from home then she should be sufficiently adult to pay her way - and understand why this has to happen. It is perfectly reasonable that you dream of paying down your mortgage so you can retire. The young folks need to hear about this - it is a part of adult life.

I wonder if her parents actually know that she is living free in your house? One of mine left home very early and moved into a boyfriends bedroom at his parental home. She had always been told that we would accept responsibility for her basic expenses while she lived with us and attended school. She wasn't living with us, she wasn't attending school regularly and so we assumed she had made some sort of equitable arrangement to live elsewhere.
Click to expand...

I am not renting a room to her, though, they are putting up sharing one bed ,one room. I am planing to have a eeting on Sunday- it's hard to catch them both together and without friends around. And me being in the mood for a conversation like this.
 
Don't forget, Mrs. Anteater, though, that although they're sharing one room, there will be increased pressure on your hydro, gas, water bills.
 
Adult children can get under your skin ... internalized factors? Thus the child within ... my late mother-in-law said try as you will you can't eliminate them ... they are with you always ... in mind unless you don't got one (mind that is)!

Sachmo said if you have to ask you don't have one and are thus just beginning the pilgrimage. I added the italic portion ... as the devil provided it subliminally as a kind of hypo boule that opposes hyperbole ... clearly a elite story or just too Eire to be anything but virtue ... considering the hairy nature of Aarons winds ...!
 
Luce NDs said:
Adult children can get under your skin ... internalized factors? Thus the child within ... my late mother-in-law said try as you will you can't eliminate them ... they are with you always ... in mind unless you don't got one (mind that is)!

Sachmo said if you have to ask you don't have one and are thus just beginning the pilgrimage. I added the italic portion ... as the devil provided it subliminally as a kind of hypo boule that opposes hyperbole ... clearly a elite story or just too Eire to be anything but virtue ... considering the hairy nature of Aarons winds ...!
Click to expand...
I'm pretty cure that my slander and I have gotten under my mom vein. I thins cheers prefer it if we were not living here. Cheers docent want to discuss UCCanada out though. Chef prefer to CE UCCanada go into a good citation with our own please. Alcohol, chef have to desire what to do with her you've in the winter. I don't thins that check want to cell.
 
So we had a family meeting and I raised my wish of raising the "rent". Turns out Junior 's apprenticeship is not starting yet, they are still waiting for the new hire- and then he will likely still get under $15/hr.So right now he is getting about $750 per pay biweekly. She is making barely $400 a month. Junior is spending one pay per month for his truck-insurance, gas and down payment. I knew it was going to be a lot. I had given him my Mazda 3, had it all fixed up and it wasn't that old only 5 yrs in good shape. He decided to sell it and buy the truck from it plus take a loan. Had a couple of arguments about that before he sold it. He still argues he would not be able to afford the Mazda (for which he did not have to pay anything). He feels that parents should support their kids by letting them live for free. If I had a higher income or a partner with a second income, I would agree to that.
Anyway, we agreed to do some cooking together and chose inexpensive meals. We agreed to try to keep our power bill low by turning off the lights and heat when not in use.
He is going to pay $350 until he gets a pay raise. Not sure how we handle the chores part.
 
The thing is, I am sure he perceives this discussion as a sign that I start treating him as a boarder rather than a son. He did stay surprisingly calm most of the time. Overall, it wasn't a bad conversation.
 
I think he has a point. Did you have this residence already?

If so ,it was something you thought you could afford, right?

So the incremental cost of your son and his girlfriend is extra water, extra food?

Do you pay water! Some places it is included?

One option is to not charge them anything and let them deal with their own food. It is much simpler. Their cupboard and your cupboard. They will quickly learn the value of cooking compared to eating out

while i understand your desire to pay down mortgage, if it was already your place then it was your decision to live there and meet those payments
 
Well, when I bought this place, my son was in Grade 10, having his first job , and we had discussions together with a friend about this during which he agreed to help out with expenses ( pay his own way). Which didn't really happen.The other plan was that once junior leaves the house, his room is going to be rented to pay down the mortgage faster. When he decided to sell the car I gave him for free, he was aware that he will need to contribute to the household,once he has an income, he underestimated the overall costs for the truck, which he still does not admit. Besides the truck loan, he does not have any loan , because I had an RESP, which paid for his college and the tools he needed to get started and he still has about $2000 of it left, which he put in a TFSA. I feel, I have set him up quite reasonable with what I was able to do. If anything happens to me, there will be a life insurance taking care of the mortgage and he will have a place to live.
 
When I think about the future, I think that first of all. i can not imagine being able to work until I am 67. I don't think, I. Am physicallyand mentally able to do it.I also think that the times are going to get tougher, with costs of living rising significantly, power, water, taxes ( Nova Scotia has the oldest population in Canada). Securing a paid for home as a refuge seems tome an important thing to do. In tough times, families move closer. Quite a few of our clients live with the family, because they can't afford otherwise. Now junior might move out west, where the better paid jobs are. The future is open for him. But who knows. If anything happens, he also might end up back home. i do not expect him to support me when he has left the house, but I feel It would be good to have a place secured.
 
Be cautious about a move out west. My son-starting his 2nd automotive technician course in Jan is not making much more than $15 an hour.
I think you are fair charging at least $350. He does need to learn consequences of getting a truck-loan, higher insurance and more gas $.

Letting a child live free at the cost of poverty in retirement is not a good solution. My kids did not object to it. Child support stopped if they weren't in school. The courts grant child support based on the fact that with children living with you , a larger place is needed, more utilities etc.

Hold your course Mrs. Anteater.
Working the same job as you I also will not work until 67.

He'd pay more at my place and I'd expect him to work somewhere-casual labour? while waiting for apprenticeship to start.
 
@Tabitha,
he is already working at the same place he will be apprentice, they just don't have a Red Seal technician yet, so that he can become apprentice.
 
My son objected to paying anything when I first suggested it. He too felt that somehow parents owed it to their childreen to provide a home and meals as long as the offspring choose to live at home. My rule - free while sstill in school; pay a share if you are working. (I also pointed out that while he was studying part time and working part time, his earnings prevented me from claiming him as a dependent and getting a tax break - his living at home and earning money was actually costing me, and more than just water, electricity, wear & tear).
 
Good to have had a conversation about expenses Mrs Anteater. He should be paying some of the costs of his shelter and food - as should his girlfriend. Absolutely no way I can see her living free at your expense. She should hand over at least $100 for living expenses. Sharing a room? Her choice. She wants to eat, do laundry, shower - she pays for the privilege. If she doesn't like paying you then she has the option of moving out.

It is a hard lesson your son is learning - a free car is easier to keep than a gas guzzling truck plus a loan. To be honest - my partner and I have made some money decisions that weren't helpful to us. We didn't have anyone coming forth to bail us out though! Your son's debts really are his responsibility. If he has no spare cash for a while - he does have shelter and food for less than market value. Most adults have had a period of tough financial times. Most adults deal with that - they stop spending on entertainment, treats, new clothes, transit fares for short trips, gas for the truck for non-essential trips, meals away from home, fancy drinks to go and so on.
 
Seeler said:
My son objected to paying anything when I first suggested it. He too felt that somehow parents owed it to their childreen to provide a home and meals as long as the offspring choose to live at home. My rule - free while sstill in school; pay a share if you are working. (I also pointed out that while he was studying part time and working part time, his earnings prevented me from claiming him as a dependent and getting a tax break - his living at home and earning money was actually costing me, and more than just water, electricity, wear & tear).
Click to expand...
I thought someone had to be under the age of 18 or have a significant disability to claim them as a dependent? What does his earnings have to do with it?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top