Someone suggested a joke thread............................

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The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So...he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced her to preach for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Rev. Norton headed out of town to a golf course about sixty kilometers away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church.

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to God while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

God sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Rev. Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
 
You just never know said:
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So...he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced her to preach for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Rev. Norton headed out of town to a golf course about sixty kilometers away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church.

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to God while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

God sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Rev. Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
Click to expand...

Weird coincidence: Someone at work just told me this one the other day. Or is it coincidence? o_O
 
A young boy gets on a bus and notices a man with his collar on backwards. He asks the man, who is a priest, why his collar is backwards. The Priest answers, "I am the Father of many." The boy responds, well my Dad is father of 4 girls and three boys and he wears his collar frontwards." Getting frustrated the priest says, "I am the Father of hundreds!" The boy thinks about this for a few minutes then relies, "you know mister, I think you should have your pants on backwards not your collar!"
 
Like the woman who spoke of having two holes ... one in front to speak of relations and one in back to show the church when leaving that association behind as a screwed up mind by too many myths and few truths boutit. According to the story ... truth hurts!
 
Can you pass the exam for the title of Televangelist? :ROFLMAO:

FINAL EXAM
Kingsway Bible College

Bachelor of Televangelism

1. Two popes have been named John Paul, the most recent being
John Paul II. Who was the first?

2. For whom is Oral Roberts University named?

3. What is the sum of a church offering that contains $178 in
currency and 63 cents in coins?

4. Where are altar cloths placed during a service?

5. Who was the principle deity with whom the Israelites dealt?

One item in each of the following sets does not belong. Guess which
one.
6. a. Father
b. Son
c. Holy Spirit
d. Kenneth Copeland

7. a. Justification by faith
b. Perseverance of the elect
c. The triune nature of God
d. Revelation knowledge

EXTRA CREDIT
8. A Christian sect arose in Germany around 1535 centered on the
doctrine of antinomianism, or the rejection of any element of "law"
(Greek *nomos*) in moral theology, on the grounds that no detailed
code of behavior has been laid down by God. Have you ever been to
Germany?
 
Tele what eve angel what?

Word dis association test for clerics of the word that forgot their aboriginal purpose ... "teach my damned devoid children"?

They don't have any valued thoughts ...
 
Jim and Bud were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane
mechanics in Moncton. One day the airport was fogged in and they had
nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
"You wanna try it?"
So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane hooch and
got completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great, no hangover, no bad side effects. Nothing at all. Then the phone rings...its Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No....."
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Moose Jaw!!!"
 
Is that pedantry .. where one learns from passing Ayres ... like London derriere? The mood of the classic Celts ....
 
Two drunks are walking up Yonge Street in Toronto and one of them stumbles and falls down the stairs into the subway. He crawls up the stairs a couple of blocks later and his buddy asks where he's been. He replies, "I was in some guy's basement, boy has he got a set of trains!"
 
Some friars were in dire need of funds to repair their monastery so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the friars, the rival florist from across the road thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the flower business, but they ignored her as well. So, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store saying that he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified they did so...thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
 
A couple from my other board:

A man walks into his doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the Doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises," replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."

*groans from the audience*

Man: Doctor I've got a lettuce growing out of my bottom.
Dr: Bend over I'll have a look...mmm, yes I think I can see a small leaf.
Man: That's just the tip of the Iceberg

*dodges tomatoes as he flees the stage*
 
(Stolen from the tv. show Gotham)

When it's my time to die I hope I go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did, not screaming in terror like those poor bastards on the bus he was driving.
 
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