It’s been hard for me to try to lead a “normal” life or even move toward something more stable when this issue has been weighing on me for years - along with the struggles I already had - and even those closest to me dismissed it and said it wouldn’t get this far. It’s impacted my health. It’s hard to compartmentalize all of this and “pull myself up by the bootstraps” and be in the world knowing that our country decided disabled people were deemed worthless enough for the govt to offer for us to end our lives even if we have decades left of natural life expectancy. It’s hard to look people in the eye who support MAiD expansion and have a respectful conversation with them. Not least because I don’t feel like I owe anybody who believes my life should be worth less enough that it’s ok for me to just go and die, a respectful conversation. I don’t owe them anything. I don’t owe anyone respect who would prefer to ignore it, either. I tell myself “they don’t understand and it’s not their fault” but often, it is. It comes from a not so subconscious ableist bias that people really need to be more conscious of, and they almost are, but they push it down, and then push us down in the process. It’s hard to be out in the world and try to be happy when you’re aware that this is what’s happening. There isn’t a medication in the world that can fix the reality of being immersed in this kind of ongoing grief. But I have to live with it. I’m sure I could make a case to a doctor that I can’t, though, as being disability and mental health related - and that’s horribly ironic. I plan to suffer through this because some of us have to keep fighting it so disabled people have a place in this world.
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