Battle Metaphor

I came across this excellent article about language around cancer. It's particularly timely on the day we learned that Kirstie Allie died from cancer. The headlines state she died after a battle with cancer. WTF. Cancer killed her. Is she a loser because she didn't fight hard enough?

This article addresses the issue nicely.

Losing “Losing the Battle With Cancer”

i promise to haunt anyone who says I died after a battle with cancer.

 

[Mendalla]

When I was getting chemo, the drugs were doing the battle.

I suspect, though, that in the battle metaphor, the drugs are the bullets and bombs, and you and the doctors are the ones fighting, deploying them to fight the enemy cancer. Which leaves the rather uncomfortable image of radio being nukes, but whatever. That's all assuming you use the battle metaphor.

Once you accept that death is not losing, that it is a natural outcome to life, then the battle or sports "win-lose" metaphor kind of loses its power. You can talk about surviving (as Jim suggested) or living on, but you don't necessarily see that as winning or dying as losing. In the end, you're going to die someday, so why is dying today "losing" and dying five years from now "winning"? Winning, to my eye, is making the best of whatever time you have so you can be satisfied with your life when the time to leave it comes. If I have a year to live, do I knock myself out trying to gain a few more months or years, or do what it takes to make that year fulfilling?

Again, that's probably my Hellenistic philosophy influences showing, YMMV.

 

[Northwind]

Winning, to my eye, is making the best of whatever time you have so you can be satisfied with your life when the time to leave it comes. If I have a year to live, do I knock myself out trying to gain a few more months or years, or do what it takes to make that year fulfilling?

I agree.

I guess the bottom line for me is that the battle metaphor needs to be ditches. Many refer to it as a journey which is better even though it's not perfect. Using the battle metaphor can put the person with cancer in some noble position as some sort of warrior. It's a form of othering which can somehow make the person without cancer feel invincible (for lack of a better word). It's hard to put into words.

 

[jimkenney12]

A friend who was dying with cancer shared an observation with me. He was a devout member of the Baha'i faith. He said something like. ,"Jim, it is hard to pray for the cancer cells to die because they are part of my body."

Is battling depression also a bad expression?

I prefer I am trying to understand what my depression is trying to tell me so I can heal the problem revealed by the depression. In addition to being a bit Asperger's, I am a bit bipolar. When I recognize I am a bit depressed, I realize I need to take a break, get some rest, change something in my life, or deal with some issue. To me depression is a symptom of a problem. It is also the price I pay when I am a bit manic for too long or failed to adequately support my mania with good food, rest, exercise, or laughter.

 

[Northwind]

A friend who was dying with cancer shared an observation with me. He was a devout member of the Baha'i faith. He said something like. ,"Jim, it is hard to pray for the cancer cells to die because they are part of my body."

This is interesting. It's true and a bit hard to accept. I'd prefer the cancer cells not get to comfy even if they are part of my body.

I prefer I am trying to understand what my depression is trying to tell me so I can heal the problem revealed by the depression. In addition to being a bit Asperger's, I am a bit bipolar. When I recognize I am a bit depressed, I realize I need to take a break, get some rest, change something in my life, or deal with some issue. To me depression is a symptom of a problem. It is also the price I pay when I am a bit manic for too long or failed to adequately support my mania with good food, rest, exercise, or laughter.

You are practicing radical acceptance and are working with the depression/mania and Asperger's. Seems to me that is a more practical and sensible approach.

 

[ChemGal]

I have seen it in obits and so on.

I wonder if that's more an euphemism which happens to be a methaphor rather than really connecting to the metaphor? It's not a circle I'm in though.

 

[chansen]

I often remarked how Carter was battling his brain injury. In his case, those battles were part of his PT and OT, fighting his own body for control of his muscles. There was strain on his face, painful sounds as he fought against his own muscles and stretched them in ways they didn't want to be stretched, and generally went into each session knowing they would hurt, but did it anyway.

If there was one appropriate place to use "battle" w.r.t. health, that was it.

I think that with cancer, some people are resolved to overcome, and some are resigned. That doesn't mean the resolved will survive and the resigned will die. My mom pretty much resigned, and she's still with us. Of all the people involved in her health care, from doctors to nurses to her own family, she is the least interested in helping. Seriously. She won't visit a doctor unless she's almost dead, and she thinks if you ignore a health problem it will go away. She ignored cancer until the tumor was the size of a grapefruit before seeing anyone, and somehow, they saved her life.

The only "fight" about that, is that my mother soldiers on.

I don't know what the right words are. I guess we use the ones that have become cliches, because those are hopefully safe to use. It's difficult for me to blame people for at least trying to be positive, but man, some can really make me want to give them their own health scare to "battle".

 

[Mendalla]

A friend who was dying with cancer shared an observation with me. He was a devout member of the Baha'i faith. He said something like. ,"Jim, it is hard to pray for the cancer cells to die because they are part of my body."

That sounds like something a Jain might say. They are so focused on the sanctity of all life, that taking antibiotics is problematic for them (since they kill the bacteria). IIRC, some of their gurus starve to death because they decide to stop eating other life, including plant life. But I know the Bahais draw on multiple traditions so maybe they've picked up a bit of that.

Cancer cells are part of our body in the same way that a rogue sect or terrorist organization is part of society. Sure, they originated as normal cells/members of society but they if they are inflicting damage or killing, our body/society might be better off with them gone or at least restrained in some way.

 

[Northwind]

If there was one appropriate place to use "battle" w.r.t. health, that was it.

I agree. When a person has to work so hard to regain or improve function that's arguably a fight. Carter was a scrapper like his dad. He was a great kid.

I think that with cancer, some people are resolved to overcome, and some are resigned

There is middle ground.....

I don't know what the right words are. I guess we use the ones that have become cliches, because those are hopefully safe to use.

I guess that's the bottom line. We don't know what to say in these situations.

 

[Carolla]

Thanks for this excellent article Northwind. I agree 100% - the battle language does not work for me either & I do find it offensive in the ways you have illustrated. I've not yet had cancer, although I have travelled alongside many who have experienced it. Thirty years ago, Dr. Bernie Siegel used to talk about "natives and tourists" relative to cancer - so far I'm still a tourist. We can look on, read, chat, imagine, accompany, support, etc but we're still just visitors.

I guess as a society, we've come to arrogantly assume we can work around whatever gets thrown our way - denying really that living & dying are not in our control as much as we would like to think. I think it must be exhausting to be 'battle ready' every minute of every day - our bodies really aren't equipped for that unrelenting onslaught of extra stress over and above any illness or injury that may have arrived. Too much duality in how we view and speak of illness trajectories seems unhealthy.

I like the Radical Acceptance POV. Somewhat similar to Buddhism I think.

 

[Northwind]

I guess as a society, we've come to arrogantly assume we can work around whatever gets thrown our way - denying really that living & dying are not in our control as much as we would like to think

I agree. There is an arrogance involved. We really do not have the control over life that we think we do. Cancer is a crap shoot. Anyone who thinks they are immune is deluded. I don't wish cancer on anyone for the record and I do recognize there are risk factors and protective factors.

I like the Radical Acceptance POV. Somewhat similar to Buddhism I think.

It does come from the Buddhist tradition. I learned it through Dialectical Behavioural Training.

 

[Northwind]

There is another spot where they use the battle metaphor - addictions recovery. I don't like it there really either, though it does fit better. People do have to do a lot of work to get out of addictions and to develop a healthier lifestyle. Does that mean it has to be a battle?

 

[jimkenney12]

I prefer life saving project or essential renovation.

 

[BetteTheRed]

There is another spot where they use the battle metaphor - addictions recovery. I don't like it there really either, though it does fit better. People do have to do a lot of work to get out of addictions and to develop a healthier lifestyle. Does that mean it has to be a battle?

No. In fact, if a person is "in recovery" and is in constant "battle" mode, they are NOT in recovery. They are battling themselves.

True recovery is a gentle pathway towards inward calm.

 

[Northwind]

No. In fact, if a person is "in recovery" and is in constant "battle" mode, they are NOT in recovery. They are battling themselves

I agree.

 

[paradox3]

No. In fact, if a person is "in recovery" and is in constant "battle" mode, they are NOT in recovery. They are battling themselves.

True recovery is a gentle pathway towards inward calm.

Not sure that recovery is always a gentle pathway. It's a journey for sure but even this metaphor is getting a little overused.

I follow a conversation on Reddit about recovery from nail-biting. Some posters use the language of battle, especially in the beginning. Fighting the urge, breaking the habit and so on.

Generally speaking though the language of recovery is more common.

Language is important. I personally dislike the word "relapse" when it comes to nail-biting or anything similar. I had a slip last summer and it was extremely helpful to frame it as a "slip".

This particular Reddit sub is is a great place for inspiration, support and practical suggestions. Perhaps there is something similar for cancer survivors?