How not to react when your son tells you he's gay

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chansen

chansen

Had a point all along
Pronouns
He/Him/His
This is something I just came across. I didnt expect to be so moved by it. It is a video by a son, telling his parents that he is gay. The video quality is nothing. The audio is everything.

What follows will break your heart. This is not for the squeamish. If you can't handle family troubles, click the back button on your browser.

 
The comments about what they think raising a child means pretty much say it all.
 
Reminds me a bit of someone my sister knew in high school, raised Mormon. They kicked him out, so he lived with his boyfriend and his family. At that age, I wouldn't encourage a couple to live together, but with parenting like that, what are the choices. Congrats parents! Instead of your high school child just dating someone of the same sex he is now sleeping in the same room as his boyfriend every night.
 
Daniel is a brave young man. To say that the other people in that house are ignorant bullies, would be an understatement.
 
The parents did not react well. There is a noticeable absence of love in the way in which they speak the truth that they do.

Sadly - the son is under some deception [homosexual behavior is not a choice - science trumps the Bible]
 
WE have had a few young folk on WC1 who had to tell their family and how the family handled it.
I wonder where they are now. The café was a huge support to them at the time.
 
Pr. Jae said:
The parents did not react well. There is a noticeable absence of love in the way in which they speak the truth that they do.

Sadly - the son is under some deception [homosexual behavior is not a choice - science trumps the Bible]
Click to expand...

Science will be happy to concede one point for each example of a question where the bible was found to be correct over science. At last count, the bible was suffering a humiliating shutout.

Don't worry, Jae. There is still time on the clock. Jesus hasn't come back yet.

As for the choice question, I know it was done to death at the old site *content removed by moderator* I can't choose to be attracted to guys, *content removed by moderator*. Can't do it. Brad Pitt? Not interested. George Clooney? Nope. Not a single guy does it for me.

It is a switch that I literally can not flip, even if I tried. I can not consciously change my sexual attraction. The mere thought of touching a man, or of a man touching me, makes me nauseous. It makes me feel physically ill. Plus, in a case like this, who wants to be disowned by their family? Who wants to be shunned in their community? To lose their friends? Who chooses that?
That's why, when people tell me that their sexuality is not a choice, I believe them. Plus, David Beckham appeared to me in a dream, wearing a Speedo, and told me the same thing.

Penelope Cruz? I've told my wife that if we play the game where we each give the name of a celebrity we're allowed to sleep with and the other spouse can't get mad, she's on my list. My wife doesn't even want to play the game. She's not very fun some times.
 
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Poor guy. I sounded to me like it wasn't just his mom and dad. There was another woman's voice there? When he said he trusted her - and she said, "I have lots of gay friends, but they're friends not family." there were two women shouting - maybe an aunt who told his mom? He asked if he could live in her basement after his mom told him he had to move out. In any case, heartbreaking situation.

(relates to another thread but is an example of how some middle class kids end up on the street)
 
You listened longer than I could, Kimmio. I couldn't take it any longer. I skipped ahead at one point. I lost it at "disgrace" and had to stop the video.
 
there was also some hitting going on in that video...
@Pr.Jae - what you saw as 'absence of love' I perceived as presence of hate.
 
Kimmio said:
Poor guy. I sounded to me like it wasn't just his mom and dad. There was another woman's voice there? When he said he trusted her - and she said, "I have lots of gay friends, but they're friends not family." there were two women shouting - maybe an aunt who told his mom? He asked if he could live in her basement after his mom told him he had to move out. In any case, heartbreaking situation.

(relates to another thread but is an example of how some middle class kids end up on the street)
Click to expand...

The second woman sounded like it was his mom to me, the first I assumed was a step-mother. Not that it matters, but it sounds like his parents aren't married, I wonder about their opinion as to what the bible says about that.
 
ChemGal said:
The second woman sounded like it was his mom to me, the first I assumed was a step-mother. Not that it matters, but it sounds like his parents aren't married, I wonder about their opinion as to what the bible says about that.
Click to expand...
Yeah, maybe it was his step mother (like you said, doesn't really matter - I just got confused for a second by the two womens' voices so I was trying to sort that out). Good point if it is his step-mom. With a family like that I'm surprised there are 3 parents in the same room who can tolerate each other but not him. :( Very tough situation for him.
 
chansen said:
You listened longer than I could, Kimmio. I couldn't take it any longer. I skipped ahead at one point. I lost it at "disgrace" and had to stop the video.
Click to expand...

Whoever she was she said no. It sounded like someone he had trusted and confided in who turned on him - on top of the other two kicking him out. Gut wrenching.
 
chansen said:
You listened longer than I could, Kimmio. I couldn't take it any longer. I skipped ahead at one point. I lost it at "disgrace" and had to stop the video.
Click to expand...

I couldn't continue listening once the yelling started. I didn't skip ahead. I didn't really want to hear anymore.

I know things like this happen, and I know families and family dynamics like this exist - but it is not what is my "norm".
 
I actually listened all the way through. I think I may cry. Listening to that made me feel sick. Oh my gods. Saying that the parents reacted badly is something of an understatement. I think things actually degenerated into physical assault there which is totally appalling.
 
Comments of mine were removed above, and I don't agree with the decision at all. My point was that if you think that a person can be attracted to men or women, and you know this personally, then maybe you are bisexual.

That is not meant as an insult. "Bisexual" is no more an insult or libelous than "Baptist" is. Both are simply words to identify a person's sexuality or religious beliefs. If Jae had posted that he hands out tracts and believes in adult baptisms, I might have guessed he is a Baptist. As he posted that he thinks that sexual attraction is a choice, I can associate that with bisexuality and make that observation.
 
chansen said:
Comments of mine were removed above, and I don't agree with the decision at all. My point was that if you think that a person can be attracted to men or women, and you know this personally, then maybe you are bisexual.

That is not meant as an insult. "Bisexual" is no more an insult or libelous than "Baptist" is. Both are simply words to identify a person's sexuality or religious beliefs. If Jae had posted that he hands out tracts and believes in adult baptisms, I might have guessed he is a Baptist. As he posted that he thinks that sexual attraction is a choice, I can associate that with bisexuality and make that observation.
Click to expand...

We have a mod appeal open on this. No further public discussion of the decision is needed until that discussion is completed.
 
chansen said:
That is not meant as an insult. "Bisexual" is no more an insult or libelous than "Baptist" is.
Click to expand...

To suggest that a Pastor of a conservative church - whose good reputation rests in part on the fact that he is heterosexual - is actually bisexual is akin to liable when there is no proof to support the claim.

chansen said:
Both are simply words to identify a person's sexuality or religious beliefs. If Jae had posted that he hands out tracts and believes in adult baptisms, I might have guessed he is a Baptist. As he posted that he thinks that sexual attraction is a choice, I can associate that with bisexuality and make that observation.
Click to expand...

Did I say that sexual orientation is a choice? Please point to where I said that. What I do think people choose is their sexual behavior. There is a marked difference between orientation and behavior.
 
Pr. Jae said:
To suggest that a Pastor of a conservative church - whose good reputation rests in part on the fact that he is heterosexual - is actually bisexual is akin to liable when you have no proof to support your claim.
Click to expand...
The "good reputation" ship sailed long ago. Last I knew you were trying to get it back to shore.


Pr. Jae said:
Did I say that sexual orientation is a choice? Please point to where I said that. What I do think people choose is their sexual behavior. There is a marked difference between orientation and behavior.
Click to expand...
That, is a valid point. I take it back and apologize. I read "orientation" into that, not "behaviour".

I withdraw my appeal.
 
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