Reflecting on the fourth anniversary of my first contact with my oncologist.

This was a memory that came up today in my FB feed:

Well I accidentally posted my check in at the BC Cancer Agency on my main timeline instead of my group. I appreciate the words of support I've received as a result.

This is a scary journey. It has increased my emotions experience and vocabulary. I have been trying to live in the moment as much as possible and to enjoy the good times and moods. I've rolled with the meltdowns and have crocheted through the anxiety, rather like journalling. I'm comforted by the fact that I know many survivors of breast cancer and other cancers. They are out there living full, purposeful lives. I'm comforted knowing breast cancer is well researched and that BC has very good services. I'm thankful that I am here and not up north where it would be more difficult to access services and where there would be more travel time.

I don't mind this information being out and shared. I will though share updates and more specific info in my group or by private message. Once I know you're aware of my situation I'll invite you to the group if you'd like.

This Camino journey I'm on will last most of the year from what I can gather. I'm so thankful that this is the biggest stressor in my life right now. I don't have work stress or mortgage woes. Our lives have been vastly simplified and we're living in a little piece of paradise on Vancouver Island. If you're in the area please check in. I'd love to connect and have a visit. Medical issues allowing of course. I've got a notebook and a book for an art journal. This though seems to be a better form of journalling. I've been very well loved and supported. I have a fantabulous circle of friends near and far. You may regret being too far away to do anything to help. That's totally okay. Your kind words and prayers are more valuable than gold.

I'd had my first appointment with my oncologist. Man she was scary! She's a very intense woman who is top in her field. She's got good boundaries and that often results in a scary directness. She also has a kindness which is nice. She's not touchy feely though. I'm thankful for her knowledge as it has kept me alive.

What a past four years this has been. I had no idea then what was in store for me. That's probably a good thing really. I didn't realize that 1 in 3 women diagnosed with breast cancer would be or become metastatic and that I would be one of them.

I looked at the list of people who responded to my post four years ago. Sadly (or not) many are no longer friends because of how things progressed during the pandemic. That's not entirely a bad thing. I'm no longer interested in having people in my life who are toxic or who drag me down somehow. They are not good for my health. Life is too short to keep tolerating some things.

Breast cancer changes you. Cancer or other life threatening illness changes you. It makes a person reflect on what is important in life.

If you make donations to breast cancer causes please consider Metavivor. 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 3 of those will be or become metastatic yet only about 5% of donations to breast cancer causes goes to research in metastatic breast cancer. Knowing more about this part of breast cancer will have the biggest impact on lives since it is metastatic breast cancer that kills.

This is the ribbon for metastatic breast cancer:

In the sea of pink breast cancer awareness campaigns, METAvivor is the “Elephant in the Pink Room”. We work to raise awareness about metastatic, Stage IV breast cancer, and to fund research to extend the lives of people living with MBC. ~ Metavivor

 

[Mendalla]

I find that 1 in 3 actually feels low. I mean, "cancer" and "metastatic" kind of go hand-in-hand in my mind for some reason, even though I know from people that I know who've had tumours removed that many cancers are not. Not sure why my brain has that idea.

 

[Northwind]

I find that 1 in 3 actually feels low. I mean, "cancer" and "metastatic" kind of go hand-in-hand in my mind for some reason, even though I know from people that I know who've had tumours removed that many cancers are not. Not sure why my brain has that idea.

You may be right. A lot of women get diagnosed with breast cancer now when it's very early stages with a miniscule lump or cells. I imagine the stats would be very different if they were taken out of the equation.

 

[Mendalla]

You may be right. A lot of women get diagnosed with breast cancer now when it's very early stages with a miniscule lump or cells. I imagine the stats would be very different if they were taken out of the equation.

That's what happened with the singer Floor Jansen. Sweden starts testing quite early (40, she was 41 when diagnosed) so hers was apparently still quite small when they caught it last year.

 

[Northwind]

I find it hard to take those very early cases of breast cancer seriously. I do realize it's scary for them. Still, just getting the cells cut out then moving on with life is not a cancer experience. Some say we all live with cancer cells and that something triggers them to go haywire. How many of those who were diagnosed at an extremely early stage would have actually gone on to develop a later stage cancer? Of course we probably don't know. I do though support women being able to access mammograms earlier. People who are diagnosed when they are younger usually have a higher mortality rate

 

[BetteTheRed]

Still, just getting the cells cut out then moving on with life is not a cancer experience.

It might be, for someone who has never had any surgeries in their life. And I think the "cancer experience" includes the very real knowledge that cancer can metastasize/come back/re-appear spontaneously, etc., and even someone who has "just" had some cells cut out must probably recognize that more than one who has not?

 

[Northwind]

I realize that @BetteTheRed and know that even a small bout with cancer is scary. I don't mean to minimize by any means.

 

[Carolla]

It makes a person reflect on what is important in life.

I think you are right about this. Sometimes it's an illness or injury to a loved one, sometimes it's an experience all our own that can trigger this sort of reflection and possibly an adjustment of priorities. It's a lot all at once in that initial phase, and even as time goes on. And each person's journey is uniquely their own for sure.

Now that 4 years have elapsed - do you feel a sense of accomplishment, or grace, or whatever to be still here and 'relatively' well?

 

[Northwind]

Now that 4 years have elapsed - do you feel a sense of accomplishment, or grace, or whatever to be still here and 'relatively' well?

This is a good question. I don't feel a sense of accomplishment because I don't believe in the battle metaphor and frankly believe there's a lot of crap shoot involved in surviving. A lot depends on how our bodies respond to the treatments and drugs. I've been fortunate so far because my system has responded well. I think I like many others tend to live a day at a time in about four month increments. That's the time between scans. So far each scan has been boring which is good. I feel well in general and am thankful for that too