Lust of the flesh, porn, erotica........

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Thanks.

 

[Mendalla]

But I don't think I'll be in a new relationship ever again, specifically one that involves sex. I don't want to. It's not worth it.

See, I think if (God forbid) I was back "on the market", I'd be looking for something looser than marriage but with sex. What the kids call "friend with benefits" perhaps. I'd also be fairly open on who that was. It wouldn't have to be a particular biological sex or gender identity, just someone I felt comfortable around, had some shared interests with, and clicked with intimately.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

I had several friends with benefits before my husband - and what was missing was commitment - then I thought my husband fulfilled what was missing. He was different from every other guy. Then...he wasn't. Well, yes he is...he is different and special...but he still wasn't honest.

Friends with benefits, in my experience, has just been a convenient excuse for guys (mostly) to sleep around and not have to care. Some women want that too, but mostly I think women don't want that for long...they go along with it for awhile hoping it's just a phase and the relationship become more committal, and sometimes go along with it for a very long time while men take advantage of it as long as they can.

 

[Mendalla]

See, I have had 30+ years of commitment. I would like a little space in my personal life if I had it all to do again. It could still be just one person, just an arrangement where we keep our own addresses and generally stay out of each other's hair between dates and trips together and such.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

I can see your point.

Things happened the other way around for me, and now I want none of it very much.

 

[GeoFee]

Character matters to me as well. But nobody's perfect.

I certainly have met no perfect person along the way. I have met some who are doing their best to be their best.

 

[Mendalla]

I certainly have met no perfect person along the way. I have met some who are doing their best to be their best.

That's all any of us can offer, isn't it?

 

[Ritafee]

I guess what I am asking is if we can leave aside the porn that everyone agrees is "sinful" in my UU sense that it does not respect the inherent worth and dignity of the women in front of the camera and look at what porn might not be sinful. Is there acceptable "porn"? What would be the criteria? Can visual media porn, big studio or indie, ever fit that criteria or is it something that would probably only fit written material?

Or are we going the so-con route and saying you can't ever write/create stories that explicitly explore human sexuality without somehow exploiting or degrading someone; that it is all "sinful"?

Lest we forget the inherent worth and dignity of the 'men' in front of the camera. Is that respected?

Literary Erotica is 'published written works' that place sex acts at the center of the story?

I would not call for censorship of the 'writing' or 'reading ' of such material. I would caution against indoctrination of it as 'harmless'.

 

[Mendalla]

Literary Erotica is 'published written works' that place sex acts at the center of the story?

More like opens up parts of the story that might otherwise be hidden behind the scenes and makes them part of the story instead of background. Some of them place the story and characters in the service of the sex, some of them do the opposite. I prefer the latter in my own writing but am not averse to the former.

I would not call for censorship of the 'writing' or 'reading ' of such material. I would caution against indoctrination of it as 'harmless'.

Any literature can be harmful if taken the wrong way. I'm not sure literary erotica is any more prone to that. Stephen King's "Misery" features an obsessed fan smashing a writer's ankles to force him to stay with her and finish the story she wants him to write. Someone taking that the wrong way could be disastrous. Is a graphically written love scene, even one featuring some consensual kink, any more harmful than that?

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Lest we forget the inherent worth and dignity of the 'men' in front of the camera. Is that respected?

Literary Erotica is 'published written works' that place sex acts at the center of the story?

I would not call for censorship of the 'writing' or 'reading ' of such material. I would caution against indoctrination of it as 'harmless'.

At least, in heterosexual porn, it's most often the men in front of the camera who are disrespecting the women in front of the camera...and it's the producers, the people who market it...and ultimately the viewers, who are disrespecting the women by proxy. But it's the men in front of the camera actually committing the disrespectful acts while the women pretend to enjoy it.

 

[Mendalla]

At least, in heterosexual porn, it's most often the men in front of the camera who are disrespecting the women in front of the camera...and it's the producers, the people who market it...and ultimately the viewers, who are disrespecting the women by proxy. But it's the men in front of the camera actually committing the disrespectful acts while the women pretend to enjoy it.

I kind of ignored Rita's first sentence, but I think Kimmio answers it well.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

...and the camera operators and "directors".

 

[Mendalla]

@Kimmio Laughterlove , do you extend that to the rare (but increasingly common) scenario of women being the directors/producers/etc? They are doing hetero, not just lesbian.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

@Kimmio Laughterlove , do you extend that to the rare (but increasingly common) scenario of women being the directors/producers/etc? They are doing hetero, not just lesbian.

Yes. If they are letting degrading videos go to market and letting the male actors behave that way. If they are just competing with the male producers in a male driven market it's the same thing.

 

[Ritafee]

But it's the men in front of the camera actually committing the disrespectful acts while the women pretend to enjoy it.

To put an end to the “macho” and “dominant” facade that so many people in our society buy from the porn industry’s portrayal of men, we’ve assembled personal accounts from five former male porn stars who have since left the industry and have spoken out against the heartbreaking circumstances that pushed them into doing porn.


*READER DISCRETION ADVISED. Many may find the following accounts to be graphic, disturbing, and/or triggering.*

5 Male Ex-Performers Share What It's Really Like to Do Porn

The men in porn appear as though they are dominant and in control, but behind the scenes, they are often victims of the same harsh conditions and harmful situations as female performers.

fightthenewdrug.org

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

To put an end to the “macho” and “dominant” facade that so many people in our society buy from the porn industry’s portrayal of men, we’ve assembled personal accounts from five former male porn stars who have since left the industry and have spoken out against the heartbreaking circumstances that pushed them into doing porn.


*READER DISCRETION ADVISED. Many may find the following accounts to be graphic, disturbing, and/or triggering.*

5 Male Ex-Performers Share What It's Really Like to Do Porn

The men in porn appear as though they are dominant and in control, but behind the scenes, they are often victims of the same harsh conditions and harmful situations as female performers.

fightthenewdrug.org

...the bulk of the industry is exploitative. It doesn't surprise me that 5 men spoke out about it. In heterosexual porn where women are often disrespected and degraded on camera, it's by men. No doubt several of them were taken advantage of in the industry too, especially over money - still, it's the depictions and real actions that are perpetuated by men.

 

[Mendalla]

Yes. If they are letting degrading videos go to market and letting the male actors behave that way. If they are just competing with the male producers in a male driven market it's the same thing.

But are they? In the interviews I have seen with female porn producers, they usually suggest that they are trying to do it differently, trying to get away from the male-focussed approach.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

But are they? In the interviews I have seen with female porn producers, they usually suggest that they are trying to do it differently, trying to get away from the male-focussed approach.

I know. One of my ex's fantasy loves named Nina somebody - a porn star from the 80s-90s was doing that. And Candida Royale (her name suggests not much changed)...but I think it's pretty much the same with fancier/ prettier sets, maybe they take longer to get to the degrading "money shot". They were indoctrinated by the male dominated industry and how things work in that world.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Nina Hartley - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

:

In 2010, she quipped, "Now I work with women who are younger than my breast implants."[33]


Nice thing to say (sarcasm). And kind of gross. Sounds almost as bad as the older men who produced her movies back then.

Personally I don't think what she's doing is much different from male producers.

 

[Ritafee]

Oh, FFS. Sex for money has always been available. "Public health crisis of the digital age"?

Keep In Mind this is just one Pornhub ...

To start off, there were more than 33,500,000,000 site visits to Pornhub in 2018—more than 4 visits to the site per person on Earth—which is more than 5 billion visits more than last year. That’s 13.7 million more visits per day in 2018 than in 2017, a considerable uptick.

Every minute, about 10,500 hours of content is being watched. That’s 630,000 hours of content being consumed every hour, and 15,120,000 hours of pornographic videos being consumed every single day.

Take a look at the specifically most searched for content on the site:


After seeing this data, here is what people should be considering: the porn industry has no boundaries when it comes to who they’ll exploit or dehumanize in the name of sexual entertainment. “Hentai,” specifically, capitalizes on illicit animated fantasies involving children, animals, and anything else you can think of. “MILF,” “step mom,” and “mom” searches play on “fauxcest” fantasies—or fantasized incest. And “teen” capitalizes on fantasies involving underage teens, often in situations where they’re taken advantage of or pressured to do humiliating sex acts.

The most popular porn genre for more than a few years has actually been “lesbian” porn. Exaggerated and inaccurate caricatures of female same-sex relationships are the focus of an objectifying fantasy in these videos. These “girl on girl” scenes aim to fetishize a sexual orientation and play up stereotypes that often misrepresent what lesbian relationships are truly like. Orange is the new black.

And I am done ... the truth is out there if you are factually interested. Your fantasy is around voluntary sex workers that 'barely' exist in reality. They certainly should not have the expectation that their 'rights' can cancel out the rest of the sex industries 'wrongs'.