Facing Mortality

[Carolla]

I think I mainly worry about my husband going first and being alone.

I find myself thinking about this too - not 'worrying' per say, but being aware of the possibility. It would have significant financial implications for me if he dies first (more than if I die first would have for him), and on a more day-to-day basis I'm aware of asking more questions about where things are kept, how he does various things etc. Certainly that's the practical side of it. The loneliness would be difficult I think.

My neice's husband just died - although she is only 56, he was approaching 80 this year & had been ill, so it was not unexpected. It occured to me that she is the first among my generation & the next in our family to encounter widowhood. I have another dear young friend whose partner died in a freak work accident on a drill rig in northern Alberta, when their son was just 4 months old. That was hugely traumatic - post-partum and suddenly bereaved - and further complicated by WSIB giving her trouble about not being married. Geez.

 

[KayTheCurler]

When tough situations come fairly close to each other there is so little time to adjust too. We 'lost' our son in 2000, even though he remained alive his severe brain injury made him radically different from before. In 2001 our daughter's partner (and our grandkid's daddy), died in a vehicle accident. In 2002 we lost two of my partners same age cousins. In 2003 our daughter married a guy we didn't feel comfortable about and we moved off the farm so they could buy it. in 2007 my brother, sister and brother in law all died within three months. They died of the disease I have. In 2008 our daughter left her husband because he was abusive. Life goes on.

It takes time to adjust to change.

 

[Carolla]

So true Kay - that's a lot to take in - just reading it felt overwhelming, living it must have been quite something else.

 

[Waterfall]

I think there was an interesting question brought up in the movie "It's A Wonderful Life", when George (played by Jimmy Stewart) was contemplating suicide by jumping off of a bridge. He was interrupted by Clarence the angel, who there and then decided to show George how others lives in Bedford Falls would have evolved had he never been born....and it wasn't all good. It's an interesting contemplation whenever I'm questioning the validity and purpose of this life, What if I'd never been born?.....or as another movie asked, "What's it all About Alfie?"......

Is death the same as never having been born?

 

[Ritafee]

Sometimes it leaves me feeling quite like an under achiever

I know what you mean ...

My legacy to date is not very remarkable.

As I go about the business of living and dying I keep this Lewis Carroll line in mind ...

The safest rule is that we should not dare to live in any scene in which we dare not die.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

I don't have anything to add to this right now about myself. There are people who've died who I really miss. My grandparents, my uncle. One of the best friends I ever knew died in her 30s of a heart attack just months after she had a baby - hers was a life full of random tragedies, real, shocking tragedies. She was, at her core, one of the best people I've ever known.

I cry every single time I think of this and I may have written about it here before... The last time I saw my grandma we were both in the backseat, heading out to the airport. My husband and I were flying home. Grandma had been diagnosed with cancer just months before and they couldn't treat it with intensive treatments at her age (late 80's). Grandpa had died within the year previous. We went out to the cemetery to "talk to him". It comforted my grandma to do that. ...I think my Grandma wanted to know she'd be missed - and she is, very much! But that day, in the car, she said to me, "I'll miss you" as she was holding back tears. As I remember it, I said, "I'll miss you, too, Grandma."...I know I said it in my mind, but I can't be sure I said it out loud. I really hope I did, and if I couldn't utter the words, I hope she knew I would miss her. I remember holding hands with her and putting my head on her shoulder in the car.

It was so sad though...because I believe she really meant it. There were people she wasn't ready to leave behind. She was just starting to accept Grandpa's death and a new chapter in her life. She was, or seemed, healthy, and active, right up until then. I think they both thought they'd live to be 100+ and healthy until then - so did all of us. Their minds were sharp. Tears are streaming right now. It's really hard to think about still.

 

[Luce NDs]

With death of something does something change? Or does nothing go on as if untouchable ...

Can nothing consume you as fast as that ... leaving you all shot full of holes ... like close to nothing, or NDE?

Accept it as a thought ... passing over ...

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Another sad thing is, I think after my Grandpa died, and my Grandma began to accept it - she found some hope, something to look forward to. She married very young, she was a war bride. I don't think she had ever gotten to know who she was on her own terms outside of being a wife and a mother. There were a few things she said that made me think she was looking forward to her new chapter - while still missing Grandpa. I only ever knew him to be a good man. He was though, a stereotypical 1950's man of the house and nearly everything my grandma did was in service to him and her family. That's the way it was for them...but my Grandma was still her own person and I think she wanted to know that person better before she died.

 

[Luce NDs]

Another sad thing is, I think after my Grandpa died, and my Grandma began to accept it - she found some hope, something to look forward to. She married very young, she was a war bride. I don't think she had ever gotten to know who she was on her own terms outside of being a wife and a mother. There were a few things she said that made me think she was looking forward to her new chapter - while still missing Grandpa. I only ever knew him to be a good man. He was though, a stereotypical 1950's man of the house and nearly everything my grandma did was in service to him and her family. That's the way it was for them...but my Grandma was still her own person and I think she wanted to know that person better before she died.

The arch eye? It is all in the family when blood is involved in the relating!

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Yeah they actually resembled Edith and Archie a little bit. Grandpa wasn't such a crank, though. They are more extreme charicatures of my grandparents but - yeah - that's observant.

 

[unsafe]

How do you view your loved one's who have passed on -----

Do you think their Spirit lives on where ever they are---- or are they just obliviated
Do you think that they miss you like you miss them ----
Do you think they can cry tears of sadness because they are separated from there physical family ------
Do they become angels -----

What view do you hold for love one's that have passed on ------- death is a mystery ----so what mystery about death do you personally hold to -----know one knows what happens ---we can only guess and make our own views on how we think about it ----

But here is the thing ---Scripture does give us a glimpse of what is behind the Mystery -----so it becomes about us and what we want to believe or disbelieve what happens upon death ------we can accept what God says or we can reject it ---

 

[Luce NDs]

We cannot escape them as they have marked our djinns ... these are spirits that are contrary to the emotions ... in the spirit of unknowing!

Lest we lose it, or forget ... which is a grand ide-AL! For authority, the tyranny is: "you don't need to know" thus thought and wisdom becomes an underground business ... as we are easily bent that way by the weals ... excell be an axel ... observe how the emotional world spins!

If the spinner quits will the fabrication deteriorate? Ask the Great Weaver Boid that is ephraim ... of fey! Makes like the gates of heaven ... the Pan Dore? Down the tubes into the oude 'r place ...

Only the shell of the mind exists in fixed nature (see Botticelli for undercover hand of dusk ... that's Eve's approach ... filtering out all other thoughts)!

Caesar stated .... "brutus ET oude" as he passed ... I.E. its forte beyond ... much stinking essence!

 

[Luce NDs]

Theology tells me I'm not to reveal more as the next question is up too ewe as sheepishly proposed! Mortals really fear the larger stretch ... immortality! The story goes on (without you) --- CS Lewis! Could be a Christ Maas thing ... as it flows! Solar Bulge? This occurs during a hang-up of gravitas nature ... there may be a point to-it!

 

[Luce NDs]

If intelligence on great things is put down, sub dude ... say something nonsensical! The deprived demos need some humus! Shades of de Muse!

 

[Mendalla]

How do you view your loved one's who have passed on -----

Do you think their Spirit lives on where ever they are---- or are they just obliviated
Do you think that they miss you like you miss them ----
Do you think they can cry tears of sadness because they are separated from there physical family ------
Do they become angels -----

I am agnostic about an afterlife as I am about God. There may be something but I have no evidence and no real personal sense of it so I don't assume it. What I know is that their bodies are gone and will be "recycled" over time, one with the world they came from. And that cycle is reality. Reuse and recycle are the way of reality. The matter and energy that make up a person are never lost, only the form. That matter and energy will appear again in some other form. Not quite reincarnation (since the personality is gone) but closer to that than "Heaven". Stars do the same thing, which is where the heavy elements necessary for us to exist came from; old stars that went supernova long before our world even existed.

How does this affect my take on mortality? It means that our only life beyond death is the memory and legacy we leave, so we try to make it a positive one. Make great art, solve problems, be loving, and you will live on in the memories of others and in the creations you leave behind. So it means death is sad that someone is gone as a personality but we can still enjoy the bits of themselves they left behind with us. And we can leave bits of ourselves behind for others.

 

[Mendalla]

but we can still enjoy the bits of themselves they left behind with us

Case in point: Terry Jones of Monty Python died last night. A sad loss to the entertainment world, but the characters he created and the movies he wrote and directed (he directed or co-directed most of the Python films and some non-Python ones) will entertain us for years to come. He lives on through his humour and immense creativity.

 

[Waterfall]

Case in point: Terry Jones of Monty Python died last night. A sad loss to the entertainment world, but the characters he created and the movies he wrote and directed (he directed or co-directed most of the Python films and some non-Python ones) will entertain us for years to come. He lives on through his humour and immense creativity.

An example that works if you're famous, but for "ordinary" folks with no major claim to fame, where is the eternity? At best it may last until the fourth generation before who we were is forgotten.

 

[Mendalla]

An example that works if you're famous, but for "ordinary" folks with no major claim to fame, where is the eternity? At best it may last until the fourth generation before who we were is forgotten.

Why the need for eternity? We all have people that we have affected. Family, friends, children, and so on. That's what matters, not whether we are remembered for "eternity" (whatever that is, given current physics). Mike Sloan, the London social media celeb who died the other day left a myriad of Twitter followers some very strong memories of his final year. He won't be remembered beyond that group, but he had a powerful impact on those followers, or so I am seeing (I am one of them).

And, really, with our modern world of media, pictures, recordings, and so on, far more people will "survive" in the collective memory. For instance, think of all the ordinary soldiers who appear in pictures from the Civil War onwards. Prior to that, people like them were forgotten, only the generals and heroes got paintings.

 

[Northwind]

But that day, in the car, she said to me, "I'll miss you" as she was holding back tears. As I remember it, I said, "I'll miss you, too, Grandma.".

That makes me think of my last visit with my great-aunt. She was a saucy redheaded Irish woman in her late 80's. She might have even been 90. My great-uncle had died several years before. She had pancreatic cancer and we visited her in the hospital in Toronto. She looked amazing that day. She had a bright turquoise bed jacket on and that made her look good with her now white hair and very fair skin. It was a good day for her, she was alert and enjoyed our visit. There was a nurse in the room for some of the time, and she loved my aunt. Apparently my aunt was a favourite patient. That wasn't hard to believe.

We had a great visit and part of that included saying we were glad to have known each other and saying we would miss each other.

I'm very thankful for that last visit and the chance to say goodbye.

 

[Northwind]

--so it becomes about us and what we want to believe or disbelieve what happens upon death

It does indeed. Still, they have been part of our lives, and missing them or feeling sad is an absolutely normal, arguably important part of saying goodbye.