estranged family members

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My neighbour on the day of her mother's death went through her ID and found out for the first time

that her mother was First Nation and told no family member and her mother did not attend

her own mother's funeral.

Ironically, my neighbour used this news to become "First Nation". She received money to go to University and used it

for all the benefits.

So I guess these things can go two ways.
 
So difficult Tabitha ... I feel for you. Secrets never make for smooth family relationships. "Don't tell so and so about such and such" sometimes is offered as 'protection' but usually misguided and causes more problems than it strives to remedy.
 
My family has lost track of my brother. He's out there somewhere in Regina. Praying for him.
 
Tabitha - I don't understand this type of family dynamics, but I feel your pain and your sense of betrayal.
 
@Pinga perhaps but when my sister knows and both my parents know and I'm sitting here without an address or a phone number it hurts. I haven't said anything to her brothers-as they both miss her-and are blocked on facebook. and I have no news to report.

Way back when I was an OT student and doing a placement in Mental Health-I was taught that family secrets could be ok if they stayed within the generation ie children with-holding info from parents (perhaps covering for a sibling back after curfew) but secrets were dysfunctional when they crossed generations Ie mother sharing something with daughter but saying "don't tell dad".
 
Tabitha . . . caring thoughts continue to be with you. I have never experienced what you are living, I can only imagine that you are hurting so very much. I wish things were different for you.
 
One year my middle child, a son, didn't come home for Christmas. He and I had always got along but that year we had our differences. Still I set the table with a place for him, hoping he would change his mind. He didn't come and the place setting became a glaring reminder. I didn't understand, we had always been close. Then a wise friend told me, "remember it's safe to be angry with you because he knows that you love him". That comforted me very much and reminded me of arguments that I had had with my own parents, even if it was just being on that search for independence. Tabitha, the loved always come home....things will probably be different, but then we mother's tend to find the strength to continuously write new chapters into our books and adjust to life's flow don't we?
 
Pr. Jae said:
(Thank you Beloved. We never hear from him any more. Even my mom hasn't heard from him in months.)
Click to expand...
(It all started with the decision for a long distance marriage . Add to that a grueling job with the government.)
 
I just found this thread Tabitha. I'm sorry to hear about your middle child. I hope things resolve for all of you. I am sure it hurts deeply when your child has contact with other family members and not with you.

I chose to cut myself off from my father when I was in college. I was very angry with him, and he was being a jerk. I ended up having no contact with him for four years. I would not have cared if he'd died during that time. Things happened as they do, and we reconciled. Slowly. I came to accept him for who he was, and to not accept certain things from him. I became more assertive as a result of that experience. Today I am thankful he didn't die during those four years. He is still alive, and I am likely the one of three of us who has the most contact with him. As the estranged child, I think I might have appreciated if he'd done something like send a birthday card or something telling me the door was open. I doubt he would have known I appreciated it immediately, and I might have told him where to go. Knowing the door was open and that he would give me time would have gone a long way.

Sending a hug and some prayers to you.
 
at Jae-do you have a number or address for your brother? Are you facebook friends? Can you send him a letter of call him?
 
Tabitha said:
at Jae-do you have a number or address for your brother? Are you facebook friends? Can you send him a letter of call him?
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No Tabitha, we have neither his number nor address. We're Facebook friends, but I never see any posts from him. I've tried messaging him on Facebook, but he doesn't reply.
 
@jae, I could look for you in Regina,

Your last name is very familiar. My daughter and son

in law have the same name. I would need his first name.
 
crazyheart said:
@jae, I could look for you in Regina,

Your last name is very familiar. My daughter and son

in law have the same name. I would need his first name.
Click to expand...
Thank you crazyheart, that's so kind of you. Yes, my last name is one of the commonest. Neat to share it with your daughter and son-in-law.
 
It is hard to just not know where family members are, and how they are coping. I once found a long lost cousin by typing his name into my computer and sending letters to the addresses that arrived on my screen. He was as delighted to be found as his original family were to find him. Unfortunately that technique doesn't help trace nieces and nephews who have changed their surnames!

I heard that the Salvation Army sometimes help families find 'lost' members. CH - it is neat that you offered to assist Jae. Sometimes just asking around is successful. There have been many times when throwing a concern and a name into a conversation has lead to further useful information.
 
In my case I have evidence she is alive-contacting the university fulfilled that. In Jae's case his brother has a wife I assume-and a job.. I Not being in contact does not make one "missing".
 
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